an introduction...

As to who I am....

Just a nerd who grew up in the live-free-or-die state.

Gay and didn't come to terms with it for a very very long time. It was not a good thing to BE in the 'Live-Free-or-Die' state, believe me. Until one night in the men's room in a bar at a urinal some idjit asked me how I was doing, and was I still blowing dead niggers.

Ya know how it IS when you are young and don't know your limits after you've gone through five pitchers of beer with some friends? I literally saw red. And was still 'polite.'

So I said, 'NO, only LIVE ones ...and aren't they tasty, hey, which you probably know... And what the fuck are you doing in my space, huh? I don't even KNOW you!' And I didn't.

An hour later I thought, 'what do I have to lose?' and went cruising, because if everyone pecieved me that way anway, who was I kidding but myself? I was twenty-six years old, and traumatised by the hateful climate toward people like myself.

I did love a woman once. She was extraordinary.

But am not bi. I would have hurt her one way or the other. Badly. I think we are still friends. I hope so...

Somewhere along the line I think I grew up a little.

And what I want to post here are some old things I wrote. I used to want to be an author.

When Aids came along in the 80's I lost every friend I ever had--world-wide.

The worst was losing my 'brother'. That was a marriage of minds with a sharp age difference. It was nothing sexual. He believed in my talent, and was a gifted artist. I have lost many people who really mattered to me over the decades. But losing him was the worst of all. The project we were working on is the title of this blog, and was about a journey of self-discovery, with cities as the stations in coming to terms... Tja.... He never saw his 31st birthday.

I went speechless for a very long time.

Am putting this stuff up to preserve it. And hoping to get my voice back.

The first post was about cruising in the park in the Seventies. The second was my hommage to W. H. Auden. That won't ring a bell with anyone, but one of his most beautiful ones was quoted in 'Four Weddings and a Funeral'


So go read below,ok?

RenB