There are other things going on in the world....

But no, the internets are panting about the so-called 'revelations' of 'little' pudgy Scotty McLellan.

Whoo, boy howdy.

What he had to say is what intelligent people have known for years.

He was WORSE than that airhead, Dana Perrino.

I'll give him credit for trying to bust the Dumbya bubble, but to be treated as if he had a set of balls after deluding the nation for over five years isn't a track record.

It's a diversion.

And little Scotty is your typical case of closet queen who got kicked out of the club, and is just playing the victim card. (It is just my gaydar... don't mind me.)

'I didn't know'. quasi, 'the scales fell from my eyes by the TONS.'

Uh-uh. He was close to Dumbya when he was governor of Texas. He knew how vindictive and sadistic he was....

And the press is just spinning a new meme that in the end effect, doesn't mean a thing.

Little Scotty is a slime-ball, and will remain so.

And meanwhile, there is a hell of a lot going on in the world that needs attention.

The Wicked Witch of the North...

Have been busy all week with visitors, quasi-familial stuff. So I didn't have much time to look around and see what was going on. It was all very nice, and they are interesting folks... and politically interested in what goes on in the world, and how US politics affects us all. And a few days ago, I remarked that I hadn't seen such a dirty primary since 1968. And expressed my fear that if this one keeps going on as it has, the convention in August is going to make the one in Chicago look like a block party with dancing and grill parties.

Now that they have gone back to Germany, I checked my usual blogs. So the Shill referenced the RFK assassination, and in the back of her head, it is the justification for staying in the race, because CA is the last primary in June. Turns out she is very ill, in my estimation. Because she has used this 'excuse' three times before, months ago. Wishful thinking on her part? Bad advice from her team? I found it devastating.

It is stomach-turning, as is so much of her campaign.

It is as if she is thinking, 'well, if they take him out, you will need ME. And I get what I am entitled to.'

Gawwd...

We have all seen 'The Wizard of OZ'. I always wondered. There was the Wicked witch of the West, and the Good witch of the East.... And I wondered, ... what about the North and South?
Well, now we know... The sHill is the wicked witch of the North. Now we need a good one from the South.

Just sayin'

There are days....

When everything good you try to do goes wrong.

This was one of them.

For weeks now, Peter has been against having his aunt visit. So HOW was I supposed to tell a ninety year old lady that her favorite nephew doesn't want to see her? I even invited her and her daughters to go out to eat this week. He doesn't want to go.

He cried all morning. Swell.

I was supposed to go over to their hotel this evening, and he got me so worked up, I threw up all afternoon. I was so sick that I had to call it off.

But if Peter is stubborn, his aunt is a virtual steam-roller. I said I have to take him downtown tomorrow, and got the order to do a command performance at the Café Sacher at ten-thirty.

Scheiße.

So I had to go over and tell Peter because his phone is capped. And then I laid down the BIG DADDY number. So the plan for tomorrow is MADE, and if he gives me one ounce of trouble, I am going to go nuclear.

I really and truly hope that if I get a stroke, it will be a big one and I drop dead, because I NEVER want to get to where he is right now....

Just when you think you did your research.....

Turns out it wasn't enough.

Many years ago, I began to write a murder mystery for the best friend I ever had. He was dying.

It was based on a scandal that happened here. It involved the upper crust of the city's 'HIGH' society. I had met many of the protagonists personally. I was the trophy person at many a party... 'look at this AMI I picked up!' Oh yes it was fairly oh-ful. But I often paid them back for their vulgarity with tinly veiled sarcasm. And the scandal involved some fairly kinky things I had never even HEARD of. And never really understood.

So some months ago, I was trying to re-construct it and finish it, for Mark's sake. (Good, grief, I was sending ten pages a day per airmail to California, and hoping to finish it in time. 'Write me a murder mystery,' he said. He was the brother I had wished I had had. And I loved him very much.)

Well, it involved a lot of characters, and Larry Kramer's 'Faggots' had just come out and I admired the structure. So I went with it. Short takes that you pull together into one whole cloth. Far more difficult than I had imagined.

Mark died after I had finished the fifth chapter, and I was so devastated, I stopped writing for nearly twenty years. I was just speechless. He was only thirty years old. He believed I had talent and potential.

Whatever, as above, I started re-reading the ms. It isn't so bad. But I realised that I did not understand some basic things and so I went 'researching' one day at home and made a couple of contacts with people who gave me some background on what I wanted to know. It involved an SM site. They were both nice and gave me what I needed to know. And in case you are wondering, one of the first rules in creative writing courses is: write about what you KNOW. One day, one of them messaged me, and I called it up at work and forgot to delete the address in Firefox. So my colleague saw the site, and fucking freaked out. He was shocked, I tell you, SHOCKED.

He said, 'PLEASE don't tell me you run around in leather stuff on your days off...' (Which he obviously thought absurd....)

And my inner gremlin rubbed his hands in pure glee. That he would think that after knowing me nearly twenty years was hilarious for me. So I played 'evasive', and laughed my ass off, inside.
And just to be clear---never have, never will. NOT interested.

Otherwise, I do not care what consenting adults do.

But the other day, I got a mail. It was so off the charts for anything I have EVER seen, I blanched. Seems I only scratched the surface. It involved an unspeakable Yahoo group, and now I understand less than I ever did before.

But am NOT going to go there.

Some people seemingly get so fucked up and lack so much self-esteem... words fail.

But I don't need that for my project.

I lost it at the Supermarket....

This will have to be a day and night post. The former being the one below.

I was so drag-assed tired, I slept most of the afternoon, and as below, if I get up, I'm the Grinch in capital letters. So I got my evening ration of snigarrettes, and went to get something to eat at the supermarket, and I HATE supermarkets.

There was this absolutely clueless mother with two kids, the youngest being in the cart. And clamouring for attention, and his mother just ignored him. This kid looked like a Raffael painting, but hat the most devastating loud voice I have EVER heard. 'Mamma! Mamma!' It fucking went on and on and she didn't do anything. It wasn't the kid's fault, but he really got on my nerves. They were two people ahead of me in line, and I was clenching by that time.

And she was still around the register when my stuff came up and haggling with the little hobbit of a cashier when I was supposed to pay, and my nerves were so frazzled, I did an Annti. Looked right and yelled, 'SHADDUP! You have GOT to be the WORST child in this CITY right now. (And to his mother) And wipe his nose, it is disgusting.' All in English, of course, I need time to get into my German if I just got up.

The bloody WORLD stood still, hey. The hobbit asked, 'Cash or bank card?' Frightened. I said, 'Card, thenk you....' And I marched.

I was already sorry for my outburst, but that had to be the most obnoxious child I have ever encountered, and it wasn't his fault. His mother is a ditz. These freakin peeps who think their kid is SO wonderful, and let them run wild without setting a border they should not cross. And think everyone around them should find them super-parents. It never works.

So I lost it at the supermarket.

Go figure.

WHERE in the world have we gotten to?

This is just a fresh impression, but it made me wonder greatly.

I got up, as per usual, and was grinch-like, as per usual, and running on empty at home. So I went and got cigarettes, and then crossed the big intersection to go to the supermarket and get some breakfast that would turn me into some semblance of a human being, you know? Beautiful morning, by the way.....

So am at the next one waiting to get over to the supermarket, and this little girl, maybe five years old, just looked at me.... and the grinch went away, she was that charming. So I melted and smiled and said, 'Hey, hallo...'

Whereupon she punched her father's arm and made him look at me. And I said, 'All I said was 'hallo'...' And he said, 'Thank you'. Gorgeous man, btw.

And that 'Thank you' really threw me for a loop. I was so taken aback that I didn't have the time to ask 'WHY?'. Because the light changed and we went our separate ways.

To clarify, both father and daughter are from Africa.

And of course I know why... but at the moment it startled me into waking up. He is used to being invisible, as well as that lovely child. And just because I acknowleged her being in our world made him thank me. I never thought that I would get so into race issues on this blog, but all it takes is a multi-culti neighborhood, and you get along with your neighbors, hey. And I look at people, and some of them are just beautiful. Their souls shine through their eyes.

So where are we going with all this, huh?

That poor man, thanking me for being myself. And I hate the people who made his experience so horrible that he would think to do that.

So sick, hey....

Just when you think things are finally going to quiet down in the foreign press

After all the hullabaloo about the guy who kept his daughter imprisoned for 24 years and sired seven children with her.... we get us an axe murderer over Mother's Day weekend. I thought that was a US specialty, and had never heard of it happening here before. (They mostly shoot each other, or throw someone off of six floor balconies. Or knife someone. But AXES? WTF?)

Scuttlebutt has it that the guy is Austrian, but of foreign descent, and the local news went way out of their way to emphasize that he has 'an academic degree'. Uh-Huh...

So, just the facts, as they used to say on Dragnet. The perp kills his wife and young daughter in their sleep, fairly viciously. And then he takes his nifty axe, and drives all the way to Linz, where he does in his parents. Then he goes to some hole in the wall just outside that city, and axes his father-in-law. THEN, Preciousess, he calmly drives back to Vienna and turns himself into the police.

Motive? He had a PR agency, and ran up a debt of EUR 300,000, and he didn't want them to experience him being shamed. (WHAAA?)

And that alone, if it is true, seems to cooberate the scuttlebutt. An Austrian wouldn't have done that. The perp would have shot himself, or jumped, to hell with the family being shamed....

Just sayin'

So I guess it will be another week of German TV pointing their smudged and bloody fingers at us, and insinuating how 'bad' we are, and get into feeding frenzy mode. I am SO glad I get my news on the intertubes....

I only see the tee-vee stuff at lunch time when I am feeding Peter.

And then I lose my appetite....

Whelp, just when you think you thought you 'knew' someone...

it turns out you did not.

One should be very careful with what they 'think' another person is like.

This concerns the guy who many years ago joined the French Foreign Legion.

It has been an odd day.

He had asked me a few days ago to help him find his soon to be six year old son, because the letters and the money he was sending was 'inconnu' (not known, moved...) He is escaping again in August to another place in Africa, and asked me to help him find him per pc. So today, we got down to it.

Thanks to his advisories, I found a place, and sent them a mail with all the perinent infos. It was sort of heart-breaking.

When I first got there, R. was out of it, and didn't keep a promise----yet again.

W. was showing me his dating site, and R. was off the charts for what was I looking at women for? Whaa? Women can be pretty. Gawd, is he dense. Doesn't he know about bi now, gay later? Idjit.

So I pulled up one of the ones on my site, clicked on the profile, and said, 'Oh, LOOK, R.! A six pack to DIE for! And check out that basket!' eeeewww.

That shut him up.

(Ja, I can be acid when it calls for it....)

R. left. Good so. I spent three hours trying to tune W's computer. I think he has a long-term case of PTSD. After all the places he has been, it wouldn't surprise me.

The night I met him, I thought he would rip me apart, just for being a former American.

But he didn't.

He is very very cool. But always inward looking. And nice and never lets out what is really bothering him.

If I can have just a pinch of success in helping him find his son, that will be wonderful.

We talked for a long time.

He broke my heart.

Just when you think you have it all in your brain,

You get a brain fart.

And it takes you two whole days to 'remember' that Pfingsten is Pentacost. And when a friend helps you out with it, it is almost already over and you remembered.

It is one of the big double holidays here. Sunday AND Monday are holidays, which means I had to buy groceries for three days before the stores shut down on Saturday.

Which is stress that I do not need.

And why the hell do they keep this? People with money book short trips to exotic places, the ones who decide to drive somewhere get stuck in traffic, miles long. Like lemmings.

And the gas prices go up. And if you all think the prices there are criminal, you have never driven in Europe. The price per gallon is two and one half times more expensive than there, so just stop whining, and do NOT tell me it is about supply and demand.....

It is eye-gouging.

We have ALWAYS been screwed on that.

Peter is so depressive, I don't know what to do. I have never seen anyone cry during comedies.

Case in point: I got 'I know pronounce you 'Chuck and Larry' for Sunday. With Adam Sandler and Kevin James. Peter loves 'King of Queens', and I don't particularly care for either of them. It got so-so reviews. So I wasn't expecting anything. It was so-so, and at least they left the adolescent humour out of it. Mostly.... But there were moments in it that were good, and very funny. And of COURSE they aren't gay, but get a civil marriage for health insurance.

But looking at the sub-text, it was about male bonding and friendship, and that is SO fucked up.

And so hypocritical.

But at least both of the male protagonists held themselves back, and there were smiles.

Peter loves adolescent humour.

Ageing gets creepy.

Well, since it is Mother's Day....

And Pfingsten all at the same time.... Time to ruminate....

Pfingsten is the Catholic day you have to go to church on, a 'holy day of obligation', as one of my grandmothers used to say. It was sort of odd. Had something to do with firey tongues hovering over the apostle's heads, and they could understand strange languages.... Well, try as I might, I never understood the Turks across the street. It sounded like it had no consonants.

But Mother's Day, yeah, I can get into that. I had two. My biological mother, and my step-mother. And of the two, I loved the latter dearly. She prepared me for life, and she never made judgemental decisions. And I am so glad that I expressed my appreciation and gratitude before she slipped away from us and died. She was just awesome.

I never did that for my biological mother. She was divisive, judgemental, and a steam-roller of a person who left everyone flattened on the sidewalk. Sometimes I hate what she did. With a passion.

So I guess I was lucky. I got to pick and choose, you know?

It wasn't easy, no.

I regret not having connected with 'that woman' before she passed away. But I could never have thanked her for anything.

So if anyone has a Mom who does everything for you and loves you, you don't need flowers, or anything special. Just TELL her how thankful you are for all she did, and make it come from the bottom of your heart.

And if anyone knows how those tongues of fire really work, would love to know....

Just sayin'

Okay, beaurocacy SUCKS...

I got this letter today, I didn't present my passport and birth certificate to the pension people, and they were gonna terminate my application for a pension by May 22nd.

Well, the fact IS, Preciousesss... I did that weeks ago. I took the originals to the pension office, with photocopies, the guy checked them and passed them on to my file.

So I got on the horn, and whaddaya know, the 'lady' didn't understand what 'birth registration' means.

Right.

Well, we got that cleared up, at any rate..... This is all so draining.

Just when you think you got your mouf under control..

You slip.

Damage control... äääh. äääh, ääääh, äääh! Gawd....

Had a very nice talk yesterday with my almost 'in-law' in Frankfurt. She is ninety, and very beautiful. And about to visit in about two weeks with her two daughters. And likes me.

And it only took two words to drive her into complete shock: 'my appartment'.

And she said, 'WHAAAA?'

I'd thought she knew that I live alone since 2001. She was speechless, I tell you, speechless.

'I'm going to need some time to digest this', she kept saying.

Whereupon I had to come clean about his financial situation, and explain, explain, explain.... It was horrible.

I've been there every day since I moved out, and it caused me a mess of grief. But I was there.

Have sent two mails since, but no response. How could I have been so idiotic?

And all because of two innocent words... 'my appartment'.

And it wouldn't be my almost in-law when one of the first things she asked was, did he give me at least something for my place. He did. More than enough.

So today am kicking myself in the ass.

What fun.....

Oh well, a new day.... always the same, hey...

Did my rounds after getting up... Election results, and more of the same-old same-old...

Americablog maintains that Wesley Clark called the sHill and asked her to drop out of the race before she destroys the party completely. Not verified. The Kos people are trying to win over the Hillary supporters by 'making nice'. Good luck with that one, it was too venomous over there lately.

And then I went over to make Peter lunch. And he was FULL of the latest news he got from local tee-vee. Yup. Hillary is gonna win, and why do I like Obama so much, (I don't, am being pragmatic,) and pushed my buttons to the MAX. He loves getting me to the boiling point. One of these days, he is going to push it too far, I swear....

So.... in two weeks, I get a German invasion. Peter's Aunt Charlotte is flying in from Frankfurt----with or without her daughters. She is as stubborn as he is. She is ninety years old and resolute. I love her muchly. But a visit alone? God help us.

We got a call-back from social services after eight months. They found a tiny apt for Peter that he can handle, 42 spuare meters, and is handicapped equipped. It is available beginning in July, and the current people or person is on vacation, so we get to see it when? When Charlotte is in town. I'm going to have nightmares tonight. Guaranteed.

Just when you think you lost the overview on what is happening...

Some cool guy comes along and gives you the overview, and expresses what you were thinking anyway. With well-chosen words... (link in the title).

For anyone wondering, took a break, as I had some very personal issues to deal with.

Oh, I checked into the blogosphere every evening, but it was so discouraging, had no desire to comment on what I read. I would have just been repeating myself to no avail.

Instead, I went into escapism-land. Got the first half of the first season of 'Brothers and Sisters'. (Touchstone fucks over the consumer yet again. ) Only because Peter went ON about it when he was in assisted living. Have been having to deal with his depressive state for months now, and thought, what the hell....

Turns out, it isn't so escapist. Have only seen four episodes so far. The first two really did not knock my socks off. But then it got interesting. Will withhold further comment till I have seen it all. It may seem odd, but for years have often told Peter about outrageous things I see on the net that come from the far right, and he thought I was exaggerating. One of the daughters in this, Calista Flockhart, plays a right-wing mouthpiece on a television show. Laura Ingraham without the yelling. And for Peter, that was when the penny dropped, and he realised I hadn't been pulling his leg all this time....

Pretty sad, when it takes a Hollywood production to prove you right. What kind of trust is that? I might have a small kinky vein in me, but I could never make up something like what comes out of their collective polluted mouths.

Will be back....