Ok, this is my fifth day with my adopted infant....

No, I do not have a name for it. I do not usually name objects. Lazarus was special, and he EARNED that name, dying all the time, then coming back to life. But the new kid is fast. After a month of Lazarus trudging through the Internets at the not-so-breathtaking speed of 2 kmh, faster than a pony, but not exactly what DSL is supposed to be like, the new kid is a breath of fresh air. Although... suddenly going at 250 kmh on the Internet Autobahnen can be a bit bewildering. (smile). Of course it is taking a while to get all the programms installed that I want, but that is how it is.

But since the 'kid' is new, it should have a name, in case I have to yell at it, and tell it what to do. It is a cross between Fujitsu and Siemens. So for the time being, it is Baby Fu... till it reaveals its' real personality....

Maybe it will become 'Kong Fu', who knows?

We shall see.

Last evening, it let me catch up on all the last Steven Colbert episodes. The Feb 4 episode had me holding my sides with laughter. That man is nothing short of brilliant. And I love John Stewart also, but he can grate on my nerves. Colbert often makes me do a jaw-dropper.

Larry King had the usual suspects on his show yesterday. The Depression that no one wants to call a Depression, and Barack seems to have grown a pair, and isn't up to playing games. Good on him. Caylee Anthony finally seems to have gotten buried. OK. Suze Ormond was being her usual concern troll self, and her voice still grates on my nerves like a fingernail on a chalkboard, and the tapes of flight 1549 which landed in the Hudson were released.

Actually, I was glad I had something other to do and made lunch in the kitchen while listening to the blathering idjits.

Oh well, now off into the void.... have a good day, everyone.

Well, am back home....

And got Lazarus McWheezy up and on-line...

You do NOT wish to know.

He sounds so fucking horrible, I expect him to explode and the house will fall in and kill me like the wicked witch of the West.

But am afraid to turn him off over the coming days. Lest he fully go away....

It is gonna be intresting, that is for sure...

For one thing, LM loads slow. You want to take a look at a graphics-intensive site? Well enter the address, and take a long walk. And it is a dsl connection. Wif my infant in the infirmary, one click, everything immediately there. It is going to be Christmas for the deprived, am afraid.

And I can*t even console myself with the tee-vee. The horriday program is terrible, as usual...

I guess I got coal in my stocking, early. And as per usual...

I always KNEW IT!

I NEVER, in fifteen years of being on the net, I NEVER trusted Microsoft Explorer.

And always used other browsers.

And what does the AP come up with on the Yahoo entry page? THIS. Thank you Bill Gates, you are a wonder for us all...

Adventures in Vista-Vision IV finding words...

There was a funny diary today about shoes on Kos, and it is gone now. I should have marked it for use, the entries disappear so quickly there... In it, one of the misuses of shoes was in France during a strike, and the French would place their sabots, (wooden shoes) behind train wheels to hinder them. From whence comes the word sabotage... So, you can still really learn something new every day...

The word of the day out on the 'nets was 'Ponzi scheme'. That term popped up all over the place, till I said, 'Whaaa??? Why don't I know this term?' Wikipedia is our friend, so that is how I learned about Charles Ponzi. Judging from the daguerrotype, I have no idea why anyone would have trusted him, but so it goes....

So, you see, the Internets aren't purely evil....

Adventures in Vista-vision III

Oh boy....

I FINALLY found out how to deactivate the fingerprint key to let you allow you to boot the computer. Have mostly let it run....

The finger dance. Aggravating? No words to describe it. I tried and tried. To no avail. Last nite, 'It' decided to go rogue, pick up an update, and fucking closed my machine, and re-started. And there I was at six in the morning, doing the finger dance. And only one time in ten, it fucking RECOGNISES my finger, the bastard...

It was like 2001 A Space Oddesy.... Sort of....

And THEN I deactivated HAL.

Oooo, that was nice, hey....

One small step for mankind....

And oh yes, I used the WRONG finger....

Because this new pc has a security thing, and we ALL know how important that is.... Well, am not about to schlepp my thing around and add another few kilos to what I normally carry around, but I thought the feature was cool. Except it is not.

Oh no, it is not.

In order to boot the pc, you have to do a finger swipe. And then it recognises your finger, see? And then it boots.

Maybe.

BUT... and there is always a BUT...

It depends on HOW you swipe it, so it doesn't always recognise your finger, see? So you can spend a half hour tickling the little sensor, and all you get is 'X' Nope, don't know you... And you are sitting there yelling, 'But it is MY FINGER, damn it, gol ram it! Are you stoopid, or WHAT?' (That is the abbreviated version....)

Good, if you are in a business where you have to lug it around all the time, I can see that it is a security thing. Mine mostly sits at home. But I thought it was 'cool'. Riiiggghhhht..

And the next thing was, that when I was installing it, it never asked me for a password in case it failed. So I get three tries, and then it asks me for a password I never entered. And Vista is so awful, I keep getting hung up on the sensor, and fondling it like a teenager on his first date at a drive-in movie in the car his parents lent him. This is a BAD feeling, btw....

Because you do not know what you are DOING.

('What's the magic finger move, hey?')

AAANND... I used the wrong finger. The one that can get damaged if I am cooking. You can guess....

Advenvtures in Vista-vision II

I fucking HATE Microshit at this point....

On crack cocaine, I knew it.....

I hates, them, Preciousses. NEVER has anyone developed anything so dastardly than Vista.

My brand new computer crashed TWICE today. I was trying to organise some music I downloaded from a neighbor? CRASH! and I lost it all. It just kept replifying till I suddenly had 14 Gigabytes of the same music. Super.... not. It was just a drag and drop operation, and getting rid of doubles.... you would think.

Then I was organising some other stuff... And the screen went black, and all that was left was the calendar and the clock on the right hand side of the screen.

And I couldn't go backward or forward with the damned thing.

So I turned it off.... and it kept coming BACK, just like Dracula.

I was turning the air blue with dreadful curses....

Obviously, I got it back up, the fool thing....

And I have to take my new baby to the clinic tomorrow. Obviously. As he isn't functioning correctly.... Gawwd...

Probably measles. Or chicken pox.... Hopefully not scarlet fever....

That is gallow humour, btw....

Being ripped off in this manner really pisses me off!

It's not like I can go out and buy one every day, you know?

Some days... are irritating....

Have barely made myself familiar with my new pc.... and WHAAAA???

Everything STOPS in the middle of a download, and then the bloody cell phone goes off... Where I get to hear that my phone isn't working, and I thought, 'Bullshit!'

So I pick up the receiver, and there's a dial tone, and said, 'Hey, Alzheimer's is just waiting around the corner, my friend. I have a live connection.' So I wanted to call back to prove he mis-dialled, and... oops. Nada. And the lights in the modem were all wrong. (Yeah, my bed-sitter looks like a fucking airport.... green and red lights all over the place.)

So you know, I did all the geek things.... My modem is a double thing that lets me make a phone call and use the internets at the same time. An ungainly sort of thing.... but ok and functuonal. So you turn it off and wait a few minutes and then turn it on so that it can re-initiate. Nada. Tried again. Absolutely nothing. Then I took out all the USB plugs, and cleaned them, and put them back in where they should go. No.

And thought, ok, it's probably kaputt. Great. Two weeks of going through customer non-service till I get a new one and no internets. I was pissed off. Tried it one last time, juice off, juice on, and it just sat there winking at me like Sarah Palin at a rally.

And I thought, 'Why NOW, with so many other things pending? Gawwwwd.'

So I was doing other things with the pc, and really in a funk, when.... the bloody phone rang. Turns out to have been the post office and the telecom lines. They were off for over two hours.

Just when you think you're a blithering idiot and did something WRONG, and wrecked your computer, turns out it was totally something beyond your control. The pitiful thing is that you always end up blaming yourself before considering that the problem may be somewhere else, and not yours at all....

Just in time for the election....

I finally got up my nerve to try to connect the notebook to my modem. Especially as I tried to connect to a W-Lan connection and McNewbie keept telling me it wasn't activated, and I couldn't find ANYTHING to 'activate' it. So I screwed up my courage and tried it, armed with the installation disc, and the code that I finally found after two days of looking for it.

Turned out I only had to plug it in, and it went so fast I couldn't believe it. And it didn't ask for my code. Super.

In thirty minutes I downloaded and installed three of my most-used programmes, Firefox, Irfan View and Adaware, activated my antivirus account, and read my mail. Something Lazarus McWheezy would have needed four hours for. If he decided not to strike.

So now I can look at and hear the videos on my favorite sites again, although I will NOT try the link a former colleague sent me last night, with the remark that the Amis weren't so prude in this election. It went to a Hustler magazine page titled, 'Who's Nailin' Palin?' supposedly a satire. Typical Larry Flint.

Na ja, am much relieved..... And it finally installed my favorite game, 'The Patricians' about the rise of the Hansa. You start as a lowly merchant and have to try to get to be mayor. All in the thirteen hundreds. It is interesting, and you get to move a lot of goods and ships around, have to build factories, houses, what-not. That will keep me amused for a while at least....

Now all I have to do is try out the tee-vee card and see what THAT brings me. And figure out some of the funny icons on the upper buttons of the keyboard. But the display and sound are very good, at least....

Huh, hardly two days old, and am frustrated to death.

Vista let me install two of my games, and no more. Then it suddenly changed the color scheme of the screen to 256 colors. Now that is up to XP no real problem. But it took me over two hours to get the screen back to normal, and I had to use the recovery disc to do so.

I cursed a blue streak, believe me.

So far haven't tried to get the internet connection going. I have to find a letter from Tele5 with the code.

The high definition version for dvd's is really nice. Although I never really wanted to see ALL the wrinkles in Judi Dench's face, but her eyes are amazing.

Was putting in my address book data from old wheezey here, and was astounded over how many people are dead in the meanwhile, or whom I do not wish to speak with. Eeeeew...

And there is one feature I like. It will only start if you scan a finger over a sensor, and it recognises your fingerprint.

Na ja, e shall see...

Promises, Promises...

Today was the day I begin to phase out Lazarus.

So I went to the bank and got the money, as this super-duper notebook was going on sale at eight in the morning. And on my way to Hofer, which is a mini-version of Walmart, I espied two people carrying away computers with grins on their faces....

But yes, I bagged one. A notebook.

It has a sixteen inch screen. And a mess of stuff.

But it has Microshit Vista, and I can't FIND anything I want to find.

Which gets me near to having epileptic FITS. There isn't even a search function in the main menu any more, for dummies like myself. I get really really frustrated, and you don't want to hear what turned the air blue....

Yeah, I know, read the manual. The fucking shit....

So I tried to install a few programmes, two out of three worked. Which is ok...

And then I tried a dvd in it, and was blasted away. High definition, good sound, super.

And I can't find the Explorer which shows me my drives and what is on them.

I still have to connect it to my modem.

And install the connection....

What fun....

And as far as saying the Microshit stuff was all installed.... Well, it is, but you get a ninety day trial period, and then you can BUY it.

Some people have a lot of nerve....

Huh... fucking Vista. Whoever did that version was on crack cocaine, and the result is certainly not consumer friendly.

But am having one of my usual anger fits. As consumer, you plug it in, you go places, and all is right with the world.

Except it ever works that way...

I haven't thought of a name for him....... YET....

But if he keeps it up, it is going to be VERY uncomplimentary......

Ok, Lazarus isn't letting me do anything tonight....

Go over to Americablog and see the newest most disgusting thing I have ever seen in an election campaign. A young woman, McCain campaigner, claimed she was attacked by an African American man while she was at an ATM machine, and he carved a 'B' in her cheek, for 'Barack', of course.

Except, you see, it wasn't true. She made it up. And disfigured herself in the process.

I've always thought that Republicans are out of the stratosphere for crazy, and hateful. But that added a new dimension to the word 'hate'.

The GOOD news is that it only took her twenty years to discredit her credibility forever, and it will be a damning addition to the McCain Pailin campaign. I've been too revolted to comment on that lately. Slime and hatred, and unqualified people really turn me off.

Unless something bad happens in the next week, bye-bye McSame, and Gov. Palin? It was a delight to meet'cha. (Wink) Even if anyone with half a brain immediately recognised you are a cobra.... But what the hell, you got a lot of nice clothes you can recycle and re-tailor in your special place in a living hell, where you aren't 'significant' any more, and can't get people riled up and spew your special brand of hate. What the hell is it with a special brand of American women?

I give up trying to understand, honestly.....

Am ready for an epilectic FIT!

Which is what my neighbor yells, when his pc doesn't do what he wants it to do.... You have to picture a guy mid-fifties, looks like a skin-head, and his hands start to shake, and he goes nuts. 'And I'm gonna have an epilectic FIT!'' He is cute when he does that.... Can't even swear properly, and the worst he comes out with is 'you Rats and Whores'. Also directed at the screen.

I was about to go out and get a new computer this morning. With help from a former colleague.

And then, Whaaa? I opened the mail box, and oh joy, the pension people finally sent me a 'between report'. Oh joy.

The fucking Amis haven't certified that I worked my ass off in their crumbling cuntry.

TEN years. It is very important, considering I worked eighty fucking hours a week in two positions to be able to afford what I wanted.

Since the powers that be are fucking insane, am going to have to continue with Lazarus until he dies forever.

And am so PISSED OFF, I could spit. Or have an epilectic FIT, the assholes....

Tja, sometimes the cards are so stacked against you, all you can do is just leave the planet.