Well another bet lost, but he didn't disappoint me...

Cheney was on the tee-vee. And of Course he wanted to blame Obama for the underpants terrorist....

And it was wonderful...

And it is midnight, and the idjits are firing into the air, and you would think you were in a war....

Happy fucking New Year. I wish everyone everything good... health, happiness, and all that jazz.

The fire dept. just drove out twice, penetrating sound. Am not surprised.

Happy happy....

Sometimes you think it can't get any worse.... but it does...

Holy shit, where do people get the money to do this? Explosives are expensive!

Sorry, all the noise is distracting.

I would have thought that Cheney would have been out there yesterday, running his cruel nouf.

I lost the bet.

Holy shit! They have rockets that whistle...

I am going under the bed so fast, you aren't gonna get me out of there for a fucking week.

Oh.... my... gawd....

I thought this Sylvester was gonna be quieter, and it is in many ways. I was hoping I would sleep through it, even.... But nope....

There have been firecrackers, and the usual explosions, scaring 'evil spirits' away, and all that junk... rockets red and every other color glare, it is insane. Because, Precioussesss... you set the damned things off at midnight, not starting at four o'clock in the afternoon... This evening is not as bad as years past, really not.

And still... these instant gratification people are shooting their wads all over the place, and I just had to go out and get cigarettes across the square. There is already so much cordite in the air, you can hardly breathe. Not to mention the inversion where you get the stink of coal being burned because people are saving on heating. It is stifling.

I really hate this nite more than any other in the whole year. Yes, I can get grinch-like at Christmas, and bitch. But Sylvester? GET out of my way..... I have never liked it, never will.... especially when they leave every idjit with half a brain set off anything from firecrackers to rockets and unnecessarily frighten people with them. Some people have a strange sense of humour about what they think is 'funny'. I don't know how many people are going to get hurt tonight.

And they will, believe me.

They will blow off fingers or half their hands, it is despicable.

Just while writing this, the fire dept. across the square has been dispatched four times, and hear the sirens going. Way to go....

Y'know... I am the last person to want to limit someone's freedoms and rights. But when it comes to sheer stupidity, endangering others and hurting yourself or others, especially when everyone is drinking champagne... mostly... this is not good. If you are gonna have fireworks... I like the American model most. You have people from the fire department who are not drunk, or half-drunk, and they put on one hell of a show, and no one is in danger.

However... this stuff is a billion Euro enterprise, and anyone can buy anything and set it off this time of year. If that were the case in 'Murka, Homeland Insecurity would have their boxer shorts in a twist..... most dangerous night of the year, hey.

Yup. Money talks....

I just hate it, ok? I get the tradition, but it is so out of hand, it drives me right up the friggin' wall.

Even with my windows, it sounds like a war is going on out there.

And you know what? I hate it muchly. I do.

We have sheeple too... they will gather downtown, drink too much, it is a crush of humanity, and someone is gonna get hurt.

In Vienna, it's a whole MILE of streets, and bistros, and so crowded, I could get claustrophobic just looking at it on the tee-vee...

Which I stopped doing.

And hey... people get hurt....

How is that for 'fun'?

Christ, I'm getting old.....

Except I never found any of it 'fun'.... evah....

Holy moly! someone across the way just shot off two rockets. If someone gets so idiotic, and shoots them through my window, there is going to be hell to pay, and now I will turn off the lights. Its happened, believe me. Idjits.

It's only 11 pm.... and I am NOT gonna stick my head out of winder and yell, 'You are supposed to do it at midnight, you fucking git....'

I need to get a Glock... just for this one night a year, and you want cordite? I will shoot in the air, and give you all the fuck cordite you need.

Arseholes....

Yup, am the cheeriest, most sanguine person in the whole fucking wurrld,,,,

Except on this night, when everyone goes bonkers, and I want a bunker....

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck....

Yahoo just ate two very important posts.... just gone, not in the drafts, not in anything.

Where, please, is this information GOING?????

I am so fed up, I feel I will have to Do something...

Not what you think.

Go to the media....

Nothing is right around here right now.

To top off the year....

Windows XP didn't want to start, and then told me someone had hacked into my system.

Well, Christ almighty, I am really not 'interesting' in any sense of the word.....

It really was the high point in what has been the nadir of my life.

I want to take this last year, crumble it up like aluminum foil, and throw it in the garbage, and I have never felt that way about years... evah.

It began at 4 a.m. I answered some e-mails. Y'know, time differences and all that shit.

And to my utter shock, the post down below got interpreted wrongly, and I had the wrath of the goddess on my head.

So to re-cap..... I do not, repeat, not hate Americans. I learned that something had changed in a broken system and seemingly got better and I was very happy it did, because the policies were so damaging.

There was a back and forth, and before I knew it.... it was nearly nine a.m. and I had told Peter I would be there by then and take him to the bank.

When I got there, he was crying because he thought I'd forgotten. It was terrible.

Just fucking terrible.

But it got worse. It did....

We had some nice bus drivers today. They let out the ramps so I could wheel him up and not fucking HEAVE his 106 kilos into them. Probably because it is a horriday, and they were feeling 'cheery'... Or something. They don't, usually, just look out of winder....

So they don't notice you,

Ya know, if you are lazy or something.

so WOW...

Yeah, today was like a fucking roller-coaster ride.

Except, the drivers were all 'excited'. They zoomed off, braked hard, and if you are standing in one, and used to it...they were not 'normal'. And as we were going back, the driver braked really hard, and I lost my stance. And stumbled and stepped on an old woman's foot... hard.

I'd been concentrating on Peter's wheelchair, and holding it because the brakes are kaputt.

And then I hear, 'OW!' and look behind me..... She must be eighty, or over. It was so horrible, I absolutely am crushed. I would never, Ever, hurt someone intentionally like that. I was ompletely freaked out. It was horrendous. And then she wished me a fucking Happy New Year... Oh gawwdI have NEVER been so mortified. I fell all over myself, apoligising. It was horrible.

As some know.... I have been fighting with the Telly-com. You never want to mess with those folks. I get really nice people on the service line, and ice-cold bitches who probably live at the North Pole, it differs from call to call. Whoever is on the horn, and yes I know, they are service people and probably underpaid, so I am never disrespectful to them.

But some of them... are really of the charts for disresectful. It was about a double of a bill, and the sum was over four hundred Euros. I freaked.I cleared it up, and she calmed me down.

But I told the woman on the line how I had to hear about.... 'he cant get to a phone if he is sick, what if he were to die? ' And got ' that's none of our business. Or when I heard, 'as you might know, after that is Christmas,and I told her that every fool in the world knows when that is, and get off my back.

So I cleared everything up, stressed that I didn't mean her, but that I found some people very obnoxious. And not right in 'the World According to Ren'. You give and get respect in that world....

She seemed sort of shocked. 'None of us are trained so say such horrible things. That is horrible.'

And said, 'No, it was hurtful'.

His connection will be turned back on soon.

Sometimes I feel like Don Quixote going off fighting windmills.

Google has been eating some of my text since I began writing it.

I still got through, and got to the end....

Something isn't right here.

And I am NOT Ghengis Kahn...

It is just about a bad end to a very bad year.

And in that sense... I wish everyone a good new decade... And just btw... This is the third night that I have a leak somewhere, and the air from outside is so toxic, I would like to throw up.

Boycotts seem to work...and this knocked me on my non-existant ass.

If you stay stubborn enough....

Our GP went to New Yawk with his family two weeks ago. And he made his house call to Peter's today.

So I asked him how it was over there. And he said the city was expensive, the people were nice, and wanted to go into rhapsodies. Of course they were. It's the hurdle when you arrive.

So I cut him off, and asked, 'No, what was landing at the airport like?'

'Getting through immigration?'

And he knocked me on my arse. Full out.

'So wonderful, so friendly, it was great.'

And I said, 'Really? I don't believe it.'

And he said, 'No, they have all these signs out saying they are the first friendly faces welcoming tourists to the US' and want to make a good imprssion.' Since WHEN did they join the civilised world, hey?

It was always suspicion, and 'we are so wonderful, you will want to stay here illegally.' Except they aren't.

I am not exaggerating here. I got a taste of it when I returned from my year abroad in the Nixon Administration, and some git told me all I had done... I got some mail stolen... hostile doesn't begin to describe it.

And I flew in and out of the US over the following years, and it was always the same hostile behaviour.

My last trip over... was with my father, because I wanted to make him happy.

By then, I had another passport. My father had to go to the left side, I to the right, for 'ferners'. That man gave me so much grief, I was near tearing down his plastic booth.

Just for being an asshole....

But I stayed civil and acidic.

And I have ALWAYS said, if we treated people coming into our country that way, we would be out of the tourism business.... and called fascists.

And that is the way they have operated from 1972 to today, as far as I knew and experienced it...

Now... I have spoken with a mess of people over the past several years.... professionals, doctors, who were invited to conferences 'over there'. And felt so badly treated, they didn't attend, although they had a lot to say. Because of how they were treated. They just stopped.

They politely refused to attend. Although they did say why among themselves...

I have spoken with just your everyday person on the street who went there, and felt like they had been treated like crimnals. One of the latter was just wanting to visit her daughter in San Francisco, where she was studying, and had a horrific trip.

I have read reports that tourism has sharply declined there.

Well who the hell wants to put themselves through that?

It was nice to hear that things changed a bit.

Everyone has always said tht if you get over that hurdle, 'people are so nice...'

They differentiate, you see...

I'm jumping the gun here by one day... But it is an OUTTIE.. I hope...

Sometimes we need something silly to cheer us up. We do... it doesn't need to be anything big... just really off the charts for silliness, where you think... oh my...

Now, as every time after the horridays are over, Sylvester stands are put up with trinkets to bring you good luck. Piggies play a big role in this, but I still can't figure out why. And yeah, Sylvester was a Catholic saint who got martyred, and I have no wish to know how, and never looked it up. It's better not to know some things. But New Year's Eve is called Sylvester here in his honour or horror, however you wish to see it...

It really doesn't play a big role in all this, the piggies do. Because they bring you luck, seemingly, just as four leaf clovers, or chimbly sweeps, and odd superstitious stuff.

And in German, if something bad turned out good, you say 'Ich habe Schwein gehabt'. Meaning you had good luck thanks to a piggie.

Not having lived on a farm, and caring for pigs, the whole things eludes me, but that is what you do.. Ok?

Now.... two days ago, a Sylvester table was set up before the supermarket near Peter's house, and there was a piggie like I have never ever seen before. With a huge outtie navel! I thought, at first. Well, Precioussesssss.. after going by there every day, and not having lived on a farm... I've become a bit uncertain as to the anatomy....

If it is meant as something lower.... that poor piggie...

Sorry, I just cannot make up my mind.

Maybe someone can relieve it by telling me what the hell I was looking at. If I had the wherewithal, I would send everyone I know that piggie for the New Year to bring them luck. So you will have to make do with the virtual one in the post.

See? Silliness can sometimes make you laugh, and make you feel good....

No one I know has had a good year. A lot of us have been hanging by the skin of our teeth. So my outtie piggie is the one who will make next year better.

Which I wish for all. May he bring you luck and joy.

PS... it has to be the navel, because otherwise they would have fit him out with a pink jock strap... Or am I totally crazy? Wishing everyone everything good...

This is sort of trite, but just popped into my head, on my bus ride home today....

1968, and it was a memorable film, and a huge hit... 'Cool Hand Luke.'

And for some reason, that one line became unforgettable to me. 'What we have here, is a failure to communicate! Whoever wrote that should have gotten an Oscar, just for that line...

I know, I know... it was fraught with stereotypes, and so on and so forth, and nowadays, it really wouldn't be politically correct, or probably any good...

Oddly...

I walked out of my workplace one day some months after... and Paul Newman was standing at the bus stop. I couldn't believe my eyes, hey, and thought, 'What the fuck hell is Paul Newman doing waiting for a bus in Manchester, fucking New Hampsha.' ???

So I stayed circumspect, and observed. He had to have been the most beautiful man I have ever seen.

Even better off than on... those eyes...

Now, in New Hampsha... people don't go rush a 'star', and make them uncomfortable, at least not back then... It was on a big four-lane street, and young people across the way recognised him, and started yelling, 'LUKE! LUKE! LUKE! and he grinned ear to ear, a bit bashfully... Then a big black limousine pulled up, and Joanne Woodward was in it and they got zoomed away. Turns out he had been up there, doing some prelims for the presidential primaries....

Back-room haggling, I expect...

I just wanted to share that... it isn't every day you go out to go home and see a huge movie star...

But that isn't what this is about...

'What we have here is a failure to communicate.'

And what we have now... is more than a failure to communicate. It isn't about North or South or East or West.... It is about all the 'cowboys' who dig in their spurs and are just ornery.

And stubborn... hmm... who does that remind me of?

After spending a morning at Peter's---it just popped into me head... right.

He can be so off the charts for irrational, I wouldn't even mind 'teaching him a lesson', and on the bus home I was thinking... 'what we have here... is a failure to communicate', and not in a good sense.

And the Rethugs are the same. Exactly as assinine, exactly as stubborn, exactly as selfish... it is sort of incredible.

Things change... but they don't really.

And what I neglected to TELL you...

I have gotten off the bus twice in the last ten days....

And Peter was sitting at the cross-walk in his wheel-chair, looking forlorn...

EXCEPT...

He hadn't put on his pants, just covered his private parts with some sweaters and whatever he could find, and cover his nakedness....

It gets to be twelve below zero here right now.... And there he was, panicked, and wanted to get across a four lane thoroughfare, to a telefone cell, and crying. Because he thought I wouldn't come see him.

The first time... I fucking flipped out.

He's gotten OUT of his place, seemingly, but can't get back in. Without help. He has to wait till someone wants in and push him up the ramp.

Sometimes he doesn't remember important things.

Sometimes, he doesn't remember what happened an hour before.

This leads me to the worst dilemma of my life....

He wanted me to adjust his sock today, and I nearly threw up. Gangrene smells so awful... you have no idea, and he is just so adamant... 'I'm not going in, because I'm not going to come out'. Uh-huh. No longer any sense in reasoning with the man.

'They are going to cut me again.'

Well, if that is true, he is to blame, because he just let everything go, and it isn't my fault.

Over the decades, I have yelled, been horribly 'hurtful' just to get him to do the right thing, although it hurt me, cajoled, threatened, you name it, have been there, because I cared.

And no, I still 'care'....

But tonight, am 'at the end of my art', as they say in Austrian, when you no longer know what the hell you should do.

Y'know... it is sort of ironic.

You learn to love someone with all your heart, and they are wonderful, funny, sportive, intelligent... and even then, tragedy strikes, and you get confronted with something you never would have believed would happen, because it was 'perfect'.

And felt 'protected'.

And all of a sudden... YOU are the one who is suddenly 'the protector'.

Life is a bitch, in other words...

I'm not complaining. Really not. But am baffled. I so wish that my father had told me more about how he dealt with my step-mother, and I would have been more prepared for all this...

So everything is on a day-to-day basis.

But it can't go on like it is.... He needs round-the-clock care.

And for me....

I don't know who to turn to at the moment.

He needs some serious help.

I don't fucking CARE what people think, or what they say, and gawwd, they have said a lot...

You love whom you love...

And if you make a committment, it can break your heart.

You stand by them. That is how I was brought up...

Sometimes...

I could just barf. I do what I possibly can and go on.

What a day I had today..... oooo....

After all the fucked-up horridays, and the worst we have ever, EVER had....

I had to go to Peter's house and hoof it. Ankle express, in other words....

My bus ticket ran out.

He HAD to get to his bank manager downtown.

He HAD to finally EAT something, he's got fucking diabetes II.

It is a long slog to get from my place to his, on foot. If it is a good day, I can do it in about twenty-five minutes.. You go down to the river, and just head south, and you get there.

Today, and because it was so early, he air was noxious. And stank beastishly. Because a lot of people still heat with coal, (so 'clean'), and it gets into your nose and throat and bites....

Normally, I am a fast walker. Today it took me forty-five minutes to get there, and I nearly threw up three times, because I couldn't get any air.

I was the perfect picture of 'what the fuck NEXT, hey?'

But I managed.....

Somehow...

So.... somehow... I got Mr. Deny Everything into some sort of clothes, and after making sure the person we wanted to see was where he should be.... I fucking wheeled his sorry ass to downtown. After shaving him as best I could, he looked like Rasputin. Beforehand...

The sun had come up and burned off a lot of the smog. It is so terrible this year. It is even finding its' way into my apt, and all you get is the Koks smell. Burning coal.... I haven't had this since the Seventies....

It was all fairly horrible.

Took him back home on the bus, and the fucker driving it was an absolute arsehole. It had a hydraulic ramp for wheeling people in, but do you think he would let it out? Uh-uh. He watched out the front winder, and pretended not to see. And I was angry.

I had to HEAVE his 106 Kilos into it.

After all the effort getting him down there.

Our damned city mayor, a Christian Dem, is always going ON about how the city is 'handicapped friendly'. Well, I want him to spend just ONE day tooling about with Peter and his wheelchair, and then TELL me how fucking 'handicapped friendly' they are, and I will spit in his face, and then knock him down on the pavement, the pompous ass.

And the GVB, our transportation system is going to get SUCH a New Year's greeting from me, it will knock their socks off. WHY do they have hydraulic ramps, and ramps you can let down for people in wheelchairs, and the drivers just sit there, and let you lift and heave, because the exit isn't so high off the sidewalk? Try getting a handicapped person weighing 106 kilos on or off one if you weigh about 76 Kilos, and they don't pull up perfectly to the curb, and you land in the gutter, and nearly do a wheelie backwards. It is a 'ton' of fun, and you get the back pain to remind you how 'fun' it was...

There have been exceptions, but not the rule.

And as this decade of corporate selfishness ends....

Peter's telephone is still not functional. And what with the five-day horriday, and ya know, I may not have known it, 'but then Christmas happens', well habe d'ehre. She had to be a Freeper. Or thought I am an Islamist.

So I got on the horn again.... Today, because, over those five days, nothing was to be done.

And I was angry. Very very angry.

So I called the so-called 'service line' again. And let off my anger about that remark, and said it was a 'Frechheit' (insult)

So... Then I went into another mode.... Am here long enough to know when too far goes too far....

And said, 'We are talking about a seventy year old man here, who is amputated, a diabetic, can't get out of the house on his own, and I am just a friend to looks in to see he is ok, and he NEEDS a telephone. He falls out of bed, and can't call anyone. On Christmas Day, it took him an HOUR to get back in, and he had no one to help. ' (All true)

It was a marathon call, and I pulled out all the stops I could.

I made myself fully sick with what I came up with, with wheedling, and being conciliatory.... just to fix what he fucked up.

And I was so 'good' at what I did... she said she would pass it on to the technicians, and call me back, that it wouldn't be the same number, after asking, 'What ELSE do you want us to do????'

And here comes a 'fun' part? I have an 'old' telly-phone, and most people can't see the number I am calling from... They call it a 'surpressed' number....

So I said, 'Wait a second, I have to look it up because I don't call myself, or give it out', and she suddenly says, 'oh, it's ...... 83.' And I said, ' I wanted to make sure, because I sometimes mix up the last four numbers. But the Telekom doesn't 'spy', no way... Except they had a HUGE spy thing going on in Germany recently...

Uh-HUH...

I am NOT with the Telly-com. I use another system, but they aren't any better in that sense, am sure....


At least she said one thing nice before we got onto terms about someone DOING something...

'You seem to be a nice man...'

I try, mostly... I do....

So am waiting for a phone call....

Peter's Aunt is out of her mind for 'what's going on', and wants some answers, like, yesterday...

She is ninety.

I've done what I could.

So how were your horridays?

I knew it, I just KNEW it.... I would even have taken

BETS on how long it was going to take for the friggin' Rethugs to come out in full force and blame Obama for some nut on a plane, and try to make him responsible. I had expected 24 hours.....

It took about forty, so I would have lost the bet....

But if you go over to Crooks and Liars and try.... TRY to play the latest clips, oh-boy....

DeMint wanting to blame unions, 'eh klar', Hoekstra wanting to hold Obama personally responsible, and Peter King comparing bulletins from Hawaii to Bush not going directly to NOLA after Katrina.

Regarding the latter, I think he has a problem looking at dimensions.

And all with that assinine pompous chipmunk with the name Chris Wallace, whose father used to be a real reporter... too much to take in.

Ok, didn't get fully through any of the clips, because they were absurd. and just pure grand-standing hate politics of the highest order.

Now... who wants to bet how long it will be before Cheney is on every channel, triumphantly telling everyone who will listen 'I toldja so...' Am already surprised he wasn't with the chipmunk already, to tell the truth. But it can't be long now... Whoever guesses correctly gets an honourable mention here.

Via Watertiger, whom I visit too seldom....

She always finds the correct and sometimes politically incorrect images... enjoy... Link is HERE.

Oh, this is too funny...

On he 23rd, I believe it was Senator Coburn who asked the Senate to pray that at least one of the Democratic senators would become ill or something, and thus have the bill fail. Very Christian of the good senator, since he probably meant 92 year old Robert Byrd.

Well, Mr. Mountain, aka Sen. Inhofe, didn't show up for the vote, and this teary 'devout' old guy gets on C-Span, and thouht they prayed so hard, he was afraid they killed one of their own.

Awesome. One should always be careful about what one prays for, uh-huh...


Update: it might have been a hoax, but nowadays the crazies are so out at the boundaries of reason, who knows? Link HERE. Just the fact that a sitting Senator asked his colleagues to pray for the sickness or eventual death of Byrd leads me to believe that anything is possible...

Well, here we are on the last horriday of this season

It being the Feast of St. Stephen.... They fell so unluckily this year that from Thursday afternoon until Monday morning... nothing is open. Except some cinemas and a couple of restaurants today.

Peter broke his word yesterday, and today. Which doesn't surprise me in the least. But today I left early. We never got to the bank last week, and my account is maxed out, so there wasn't much I could do. I found and made him some milk rice, and then came home to my place... to cook some more potatoes. gawwd....

Oh well, whatever takes the hunger away... And I was cleaning out a shelf, and found a full pack of snigarettes just now! After two days without, why.... why... it was almost like Christmas!

I opened my present from my father yesterday... It was a snuggly nicky shirt to wear at home on chilly days. Made in Swaziland, so it is pastel, and sort of apricot, but warm. What killed me was the box was sitting for over a month in a chair, waiting for yesterday, and I practically fell over dead because he sent it air mail 'so it would get here in time' and just yesterday I noticed the cost of that must have cost him double what he paid for the nice shirt! Nearly thirty dollars, hey... I'm going to have to have a 'talk' with that man, I swear....

As in, 'Next time you send it surface mail, Mister, and if it doesn't get here "'just in time" for whatever horriday, listen, getting something after the fact makes it all the more surprising, and the receiver grateful for it. ' I mean, to repeat, it just sat there for over a month waiting to be opened for yesterday. Sheesh.

I did not call yesterday. Will do so today. Because I knew, the 'fambly' would be at the rehab place, and let's face it, I do so not need to be asked to speak to them and be insulted.

So... with this evening, these horridays are over, and have to be the worst I have ever experienced. Although it didn't stop me from wishing others whom I love everything good. Whether in thought or a line or two here and there...

So, now we have to get through Dec. 31st, and New Year's, and the dreaded January 6th, (The Three Kings) and the entire Spuk will be over. And that word sounds and means just like the one in English ---with two o's instead of the 'u'....

So much for that.... And if the concept of the Feast of St. Stephen confuses you... just think of the old carol 'Good King Wenceslas looked out, On the Feast of Stephen', and you got it. He's the patron saint of Austria. In the UK it is a horriday as well, but called Boxer's Day. For some reason... I should google that to find out why one of these days, but am tired.

And despite all that... I hope everyone had at least a bit of something nice to cheer them the past few days. Truly.

Happy Horridays, everyone!

I must have been the world's most terrible boy this year... must have been.

And I do not want to get into it.

Other than to say definitively that it will be the worst I ever experienced.

Some of my best horridays were spent in the Ho-Tel... No joke. The 24th here is the BIG one.... And I always volunteered to do the night shifts, because it would be less lonely, and my colleagues had family.

The first year was the pits, because no one warned me beforehand. EVERYTHING closes by late afternoon, and 'Silent Night' takes on a whole new meaning, believe me. And I had an English couple who got stranded due to bad weather and were just famished.

And they drove all the way to the Yugoslavian border and back, and there was nothing, NOTHING open where you could eat. They came back so dejected, hey, it was pitiful, and I was angry. I had dined at my friend's family's house beforehand, and they stuffed a bag with all sorts of oddities.... Tinned sardines, cheeses, cake... as if a famine was breaking out and I wouldn't make it through the night or something like that. The whole mix was totally crazy.

So I said, 'Listen, I got a whole bunch of stuff today, and it's sort of weird, but I will gladly give it to you.' So I went up to the tiny kitchen upstairs, and set up two plates to make it look as appetising as possible, and brought it back down to 'the niche'. 'The niche' was a little sitting place in back of the reception area, with a small table before it.

And I said, 'I'm sorry, but it is all I have.'

And went back to my desk.

When they were finished, I went to take the plates and everything away to bring them back to the kitchen.

And this woman said, 'You know, we have always had a poor opinion of Americans. I think we are going to have to change that. Thank you.'

And that was the nicest Christmas present I have ever received. It was so paltry, but I didn't have anything else at hand.

And then that reaction... bowled me over. Y'know... people talk about 'diplomacy' and so on and so forth... It doesn't take very much to change people's hearts and minds. It can be something so small, you think it it insignificant, but means much to other people.

I nearly KILLED my colleagues the next day for not having warned me in advance. I'd only been here a month and a half... Even in Salzburg, there were one or three places open... so I assumed.

ÄÄÄÄÄ... wrong...

After that, there were several 'Silent Nights' when I worked, but came prepared. And set up a small buffet in the tee-vee room. It never cost me much, but I made it the best I could. In the 'world according to Ren'... NO ONE was gonna go hungry on Christmas Eve. No one...

It had nothing to do with religion. Evah...

It was about, 'oh, the humanity!'

I'm not hanging this out there to say 'look what I did'. Really not. Yes, I always help people where I can, and no, it is not just on the horridays, but any time of year.

But this day always brings me back to some astonishing things. I think my absolute favorite of all time was when we had 30 guests, and there was enough food. There was a blizzard going on outside. And many of them came down to my work area, with food, and wine, and we talked about gawwd and the world till three a.m. Stranded German truck drivers, a wonderful Turk, the mix was crazy and wonderful.

And we all had one thing in common. Our humanity.

And I think this is what this day should be about.

Tomorrow, I get another ambulance ride to the hospital. Peter finally gave in, and will go. I had to move heaven and earth to get him to agree.

So no, this won't be one of my favorite Christmases....

But am relieved.

Today was just another day....

In wanting to throw up.

The ATM machine told me I'm maxed out.... (merry xmas...) No money till the first, so I got a two kilo bag of potatoes to hold me over till New Year with what I had left in my pocket....

At least I will see how creative I can be with THAT....

But something funny happened... really....

I was walking along dejectedly to the bus stop from Peter's house, and this seventy-some-what couple was walking toward 'da project'. And this GUY looks me straight in the eye, and says, 'I don't Care about who marries whom!'. And I thought, 'WHAA?'

Peter's neighborhood is really 'crazy'. They keep tabs on everyone who lives in 'da projects'. When you move in, and go to the supermarket for the first time, there is always someone who will ask you what you are looking for, and tell you where to find it.

They will greet you on the street. Unheard of , ' downtown'...

They fight fiercely among themselves, but are amazingly helpful to others.

And if you do something they do not like.... they get right in your face and tell you.

Straight-forward, they are...

I like that.

Still, it was sort of weird, that guy...

As if I would want to marry.... and I never swish, thenk you. But the bush drums have seemingly been beating away. And just fuck that.

Apropos drums... If you are going to give your kids an early Xmas present.... and live in 'da projects', where the walls and ceilings are thin.... drums aren't such a good idea.

As happened today.

So.... enough for today. I have to re-think my programme.

The drums gave me a headache, so am going to bed.

This is specifically for two people whom I love...

I am practically penniless this season.... It doesn't bother me all too much.

But I found something that I know will delight you. 'Elisabeth' was a huge hit in Japan.

And whoever was singing this, has a huge voice, and even if it is in Japanese, it sounds lovely.

Merry Christmas to you, and enjoy something odd that became global.

I just learned.

That Alfred Hrdlicka died....

He was a sculptor, painter, artist.

In Vienna. He was so provocative.

He always said things weren't supposed to be 'pretty'. They were supposed to make you think.

I think one of the most provocative and wonderful things he created was a monument on Albertinaplatz, in front of the famous museum, and underneth which were the remains of the daed, who were killed by the US in WWII.

Of the elements he put up was the 'street-washing Jew' with barbed wire over it. (so tourists wouldn't sit on it...)

And yes, the Nazi's actually did that.

He always knew how to make people uncomfortable.

I was there shortly after it was opened. And got into a horrible controversy, because, I wasn't gonna let anyone do me in on feeling guilty, because I wasn't even born when it happened...

It got pretty crass....

I think we lost another great artist....

Last night, the phone rang....

At six thirty p.m. My phone NEVER rings. Other than Peter calling, and his connection is still capped.

So I thought it was a polling place, or a wrong number, but no, it was my old boss.

I worked for her from 1976 until 2001. She owned the hotel until recently, and I believe she sold it to the Gang of Four.... Very family-oriented.

Now, just before I left 'Murka, there was this wild series on late night called SOAP, and one of the main characters was called 'Jessica'. Who had so many things going on in her mind, that these long convoluted sentences covering sixteen subjects came out, and if you didn't know the background, you were lost.


So I saw the parallel, and nicknamed her that.
And it had nothing to do with not understanding the language, believe me.

And not in a derogatory sense, but sometimes in exasperation.... 'What did she mean???'

She was always the woman juggling running a hotel, dealing with four children, and spending as much time as she could playing music. She was one of the last violin students of Anton Bruckner. Who was a fantastic composer.

She probably wouldn't have been so unhappy if she hadn't been burdened with running the hotel and just been able to concentrate on her music and family. And I think she was unhappy.....

If you are in someone's company at work for over two decades, you get to know them well.

But she is a strong woman as well. Some of her first memories are being driven out of what became Tchechoslowakia after WWII, and being 'auf der Flucht', fleeing.

And she probably hated having the added burden of running the hotel. But she always did one thing. She treated people working there as family, never got ruffled if you acted up a bit, and is warm-hearted.

And if you got into a bit of a scrape, she would help.

This is long-winded, because a few people who read this have met her, and I never clarified that.

She had a stroke about a week before Peter did, and mastered it. She is now gonna be 73, I blelieve... And in summer, she wanted to invite me to a dinner and a Haydn concert in a palace some ways south of here, 'because we never had a proper celebration for you.'

I was thrilled. And the day before, she called to make sure it was all fixed, and I was sick as a dog and had to beg off.

I was so sorry to have to disappoint her like that.

So last night, she called to find out how I am, and what is wrong. And that nearly ten years after she retired, hey. It wasn't curiosity, it was concern. So I explained, because at that time, I hadn't known what was wrong with me....

Whereupon followed a half-hour that I will never forget. It was extraordinary. Just everything right out in the open, and sometimes funny, and caring.... It was very comforting....

Am not going to go into the details, but at one point she asked about Peter, who also worked many years for her too, and I gave her some bare outline, and she said, 'You just made my blood run cold....' And she felt sorry for him, even though she thinks he is basically stupid about many things....

Especially the financial ones....

And at the end, I said, 'I was going to call you on Thursday'.... (It's her birtday, Dec.24th, a 'Christkind', as they call it here...) 'And I wish you health and everything good, and that the holidays will be wonderful for you.'

Most of her family will be here for her. Except for one daughter, who has seemingly gone off the charts for 'appalling behaviour'. Which I don't understand, fully, but do not wish to get into....

I know them all, including her late mother, father, sister.... and all the children and their children, and the 'family' feeling was always there.

What came after was pure 'Murka', and yes, they could be scurrile, and not want to just go for the jugular for profit, but they were a (sometimes) dysfunctional family.

And still got through things.

But it blew me away.

It's not about anything, really, but that call was really something else. Because it was in the tone, and caring, concern.... 'It's so cold, is it warm enough where you are?' 'Is your rent too high?'

And whenever I poked a bit of fun.... there was always respect. Over years, I think she had an affair. But so did her husband. Outside the marriage. And there was always this 'guy' who would call her around noontime. And if she were on the horn, I would say, 'Errm, Frau Doktor, the voice is on the line.... And it was a game between us.

(I can play naive like you would never recognise in real life....)

One day she went into complete hysterics after talking to the voice... so I went to the restaurant, got a double brandy, quietly set it down next to her, and said, 'I think you need this.....'

And never said another word.

So, zooming ahead twenty years, and we were at the Xmas party with the new people, and she had a bit much to drink, sang my praises, and added, 'Just so you know, there was never anything with the voice, but you were so nice.' No one knew what the hell she was talking about, but I did.

Respect. That is what it is about.

She knew what was happening between Peter and me, and she never ever said one bloody word, one way or the other.

Respect.

Sorry to go ON, here...

I guess that call was the nicest Christmas present I could have received....

Oh, the weather outside is frightful...

Inside, it's so delightful... and we haven't a place to go... Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

Riiiight.

I sang that to Peter just before I left to come home a half-hour ago. And by the second line, he was yelling, 'Stop it! Just stop it!'

(I didn't know I even still knew the lyrics to that old chestnut... the things that stick in your head, hey... sad. And I'm not a good singer, but can carry a tune, so to speak, so it wasn't that. Just grinchitude....)

Sigh... so far we've gotten more of that shit than I have seen in a decade. It's bloody perverse. An inch of it maybe? Normal, and I still complain. But today.... I am in full 'I didn't come four thousand miles for THIS! ' mode... Yup.

And the rest of the city wasn't prepared for it either. When I got on the bus, comedy central, aka the transportation office came on with one of their rare 'announcements'. 'Line number 7 in the direction of St. Leonhard is now cleared after an accident that blocked the line. A streetcar derailed on line number 1 at Kroisbach in the direction of Maria Trost. (Mary Comfort, to youse guys...) So line number 1 will only go as far as Hilmteich, and we are trying to get busses to complete the rest of the line.' End of announcement.

Uh-HUH... 'trying to get busses'... hmmm.... stumpers.

Look, it's only been about five to six inches of mush so far, and they break down???

Well, Himmiherrgottfixsakramenthalleluljah.... as we say.

If this keeps up, there are gonna be people out on skis in the streets tomorrow, and that isn't a joke. I have seen it before... in the 80's. The city just never knows how to handle that stuff.

Which always reminds me of a very short piece by Annie Leibowitz from back then, complaining about how poorly NY did clearing the streets during big snow storms. And came up with her infamous neighborhood weather theory. The poorer the neighborhood, the worse the weather. And the then-mayor didn't do anything because he lived in such a good neighborhood, and was out on the balcony getting a sun-tan, and just didn't know.... Cracked me up, it did....

But when this sort of thing happens, I get suspicious.... where IS our fatuous, Christian Dem mayor right now??? Tanning perhaps? Oh, right, he's out in Maria Trost where the streetcar de-railed, so I guess that theory is not fully correct....

Even worse... nobody here knows how to clear a sidewalk correctly with shovels. And they go out and spread a lot... A LOT... of salt out there, which will kill your shoes, and turn everything to slush, and after it stops snowing, it will get even colder, everything freezes over, and walking becomes treacherous. Way to go.

As regards that last... I should play whistle blower and call Al Gore. Because Copenhagen is over, I think... I haven't seen the news today yet.

Grrrrrr inch.

Fun in Looneytunesville...

Today... I tried to pull Peter's chestnuts out of the fire again.

No, not financially.

Battling the local Telecom.

Peter has been very ill for weeks now, and should have been in hospital. And I would have slapped him right in there... except... if I had called and he weren't in critical condition, and said he didn't want to go.... well, game over. I didn't have the 'authori-TAY' to do that.

And I was mostly in bed, with an intestinal infection, asthma, depression, what have you, I could barely do much.

And on the days I couldn't muster the energy to go there, I thought, 'Ok, he's gonna haveta call for help, and finally do it himself....' Except he didn't.

And several days ago, his phone connection got capped because he hadn't been able to go to the bank and pay his outstanding bills.

So two days ago, I dragged myself over there, got the money out of his account, paid the bill, and normally, if this happens, you fax in the receipt to the Telecom, and in a matter of hours, service is restored.... Normally....

So early this morning, I called the service line to get the fax number, because these aarrrsholes don't have it on their bills or stationary. Just the service line number.

So I gave them his client number, explained that the outstanding amount had been paid, and I wanted to fax it through. And the corporate fun began....

'Oh.... they cancelled his connection because the outstanding rate was too high. We sent him a notice...'

'Errm, we are talking about a very ill man here, who can't get out of his house alone, and needs a connection. Can you reverse that somehow?'

(There was a lot more, polite, but I was so steamed, and still kept my composure. For one thing, the person I was calling wasn't responsible, so why berate her? And as they say, you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, you know? )

So we went back and forth, and I assured her it had been paid the day before, as I had done it myself, in cash. (Not mine, his.)

And she gave me the fax number, saying do it fast, or it would be deleted forever. And call back at noon-time.

Damn!

So I zoomed over to my former work-place, and my favourite former colleague was on duty, and I asked her to fax it asap. Which, of course, she did.

That was shortly after 8 a.m.

BTW... we have a cold snap... it had to be -10 degrees outside. For us, that is extreme.

So I came home to get warm.... made some hot tea... and waited, watching yesterday's news on the intertubes.

Which depressed me even more. How did so many crazies get into government positions, hey?

So... being a 'good' boy, noon rolled around and I called again.

EXCEPT. The shifts had changed, and the 'lady' I spoke with was 'polite', but actually nasty. Here it is always in the inflection, and implied, but believe me... not good.

Upon which... I remained calm. And polite. And we had a forty-fucking minute conversation. Where I explained how imperative it was that he at least had a telephone connection, as in several days ago he fell out of bed, couldn't get back into it, and had to call the fire department, who helped him back in....

(Why he called the fire dept. is beyond my understanding... he was afraid of calling an ambulance, I guess.... he is so messed up these days.... but they did it... seemingly.)

And THIS woman was hard as nails. 'No, the connection has been fully capped, and if he wants it back, he has to ask for it in writing and sign it, and it has to be faxed to us. And it should be done soon, because we can't do anything before Monday, and it may take a day or two, and as you might know, Christmas is just after that.'

DOUBLE WHAMMY!!! HEY...

WAY TO GO....

I just said, Yeah, I know... Ok, will do..' But was seething.

(Subtext? 'I don't know what confession you are....')

As I might know'....

Well Jeebus H. Christ and the dinosaur he rode into Jerusalem on! Probably a TRex for all I know...

Now, I have to admit... if you learn a language in later life, you end up having a slight accent. You can try and try, but if you didn't learn to roll your 'r's' as a baby, it's gonna be there. Mine is honed down fairly, and most people can't place where it comes from, but this 'person' clearly thought I was an Islamist, or something.... It was crass.

So... it was back on the busses way across town, to get a statement signed from Peter that he wanted to have his service back. Which I have to fax off tomorrow morning, because I was exhausted.

Doesn't matter, no one does anything on the weekends anyway.

And will do... because the horridays are coming.

The 'best' part of this is.... his telecom connection is connected with his tee-vee, radio, and internet connection, so everything is dead, and there is silence there. Total silence.

I don't know how many times I have told him to just have all that stuff automatically booked off his account, and it wouldn't have happened. But no.... and then I have to run around trying to 'fix' it. And listen to some arsehole imply I don't know what Christmas is.

Ahhh, Advent... when the spirit of helping your fellow man is so great, and everyone feels so cuddly.

If you are the CEO of some bank, probably...

Too bad Dickens died, and most of his books are out of print.

And oh yes, I keep seeing ads on MSNBC programmes.... for T-Mobile. I didn't know they worked that market, and believe they are from here. I'd stay away from them.

Jack Bauer of '24' found Santa Clause

The results are fearful indeed....

via Huffington Post....

This is for a friend

A friend of mine has written me some heart-warming e-mails lately. Friends are the ones who promise you they will be there if there is trouble.

And he said something that floored me recently about his visit here. But the one thing he didn't know, that on one of the most important days here, my plans went a bit awry....

We were in Vienna, and I wanted to take him to see the musical Elisabeth. Some in my family know what THAT is about... August is vacation month, so the only game in town was 'The Beauty and The Beast'. It had the incredible late Steve Barton from Long Island in it, which made it worthwhile.... But that is another story....

So Yahoo has been acting up, and I couldn't embed the YouTube link into my post without losing all the text beforehand.

My friend... this is what I meant....

Pecksniffian.....

Rick Warren got 'skeered' and sent out a video via his web-site to Ugandans.

Pecksniff was a character in a Dickens novel, and for a very long time, became synonomous in the English language with the term 'hypocrisy'.

And of course, he was lying....

Link HERE.

And if you really want to barf, check out the video. HERE.

I detest David Gregory....

He usually has three righties, and one liberal, and they pile on the latter and they make him or her look absurd.

Today, on 'Press the Meat', was so crass, I started yelling at the pc screen. Normally I save that for my local tee-vee.

He had the 'guru' Alan Greenspan on, and I wanted to get violent.

I don't 'care' if he is ninety years old... He did more damage than anyone could imagine if you followed his ignomnious career.

It was so slanted, I wanted to toss my cookies.

We're talking about a very nasty man, who has NEVER cared about working people.

I should stop watching this stuff.

It makes me violently naseous.

Just went out for a minute after sleeping most of the day...

And whaddaya know, it's snowing.

What we used to call a 'light dusting' where I grew up. Sticks to the roofs, melts on the sidewalk, and is just a bit irritating. So not the sort of thing that just swept across the US and dumped feet of the stuff all over the place the past couple of days. Y'know, the ones where you get your boxer shorts in a twist and start yelling, 'I didn't come FOUR THOUSAND miles, for this.'

And I know, I know... that sounds Grinch-like to even mention, but I can't stand it when the horridays are approaching, and everyone goes 'Awww.. how pretty' just because there is a bit of snow. The only positive I see in it is that you don't get as wet if you don't look out of winder, and go out without your um-brella.

Now, the only reason I went out was that my sniggarretes ran out, so it was only across the square. And... it being Sunday, you can only get them out of a vending machine. And for two years now, you can only use those if you can prove you are over sixteen years old, which I think is good.

So you have to slide your bank card into a slot, and nowadays, thank whomever, it tells you to take it out, you put your money in, and press the sort you want. (The latter part was only recently, and I do not want to tell you how many I forgot in there... just too embarrassing.)

Sorry, am just trying to explain how it works....

So I approached the vending machine, and this attractive couple were in front of it trying to figure out what to do... because the man seemingly doesn't have a bank card. So he says, 'Card? Card?' I think he is from the Middle East somewhere, didn't ask. Or hesitate. I slid mine in, took it out, and he and his girlfriend got what they wanted. As luck would have it, a 'Turkish man came into all of this and asked if I could free the machine up for him, 'as he forgot his at home.' Nice face-saver. (just saying...)

Now, I've never bothered with learning all other religions' horridays, they have never concerned me all that much, but December seems the time when they all have something.... So I said, 'And I hope you have wonderful holidays', and the man of the couple's eyes 'danced' and sparkled with approval. And he laughed out loud.

Tja, and then I bought my snigarettes.

It was just a moment in time, and I don't wish to make much of it, just share something.

Because I KNOW... that if certain people here had seen that 'Gang of Three', they would have high-tailed it to another vending machine, just like some people in 'Murka would. Or drawn guns, if they were 'Murkin.

The point of all this? NO one should be 'afraid' to interact with someone who doesn't look like they do, we are all human beings on this rock going around the sun, and going to hell because some people just don't care. They stay in their 'tribes'.

NO ONE should be afraid... to reach out a hand and help someone in whatever small way they can.

And I have said this before... you have to give respect to GET respect. Sometimes it works in making the world a better place.

And no, am not under the impression that it was 'good'. It is just what you DO, and follow what you were taught.

So... that is my horriday season sermon for this year, and will not do another.

I didn't care that it was snowing, hardly noticed it, btw....

Tomorrow, Peter has finally decided to go to hospital.

I guess I get another ride in the waaahmbulance.

We shall see... Tja, the horridays....

This was on Crooks and Liars last nite...

I love cynicism, although I do not usually like country music....

Herzinfarkt city.....

(Heart attack city in translation....)

I have been so exhausted with all the uproar lately, that I went to bed yesterday, and slept right around the clock. Which means depression. Sometime in the night I got up and went to the WC, and noticed that I hadn't hung up the telephone correctly. So I put it down as it should be.

Which meant Peter hadn't been able to get through in the afternoon. I have a very wonky telephone, and the receiver often doesn't fit into the cradle correctly. And he had sounded horrific in the morning. I told him to fucking call an ambulance.

This morning I woke up to find it was quarter to ten. Peter calls daily, usually just after eight a.m. So I waited and waited. With growing unease.

My best thought was that he did call an amublance, and didn't have a way to call me. I do not want to express what my worst thought was. So I finally called. No answer. Shortly thereafter, the phone rang. There is a bed for him in the hospital on Monday. And they changed all the locks on the doors yesterday, so I wouldn't have been able to get in if I had wanted to.

His condition is so poor... I can't even describe it. I wasn't even able to go off the charts for enraged, because I KNOW they'd have taken him immediately.

Stubbornness rarely gets anyone anywhere.

Christ, what a mess... and I have felt so sick, I can't even begin....

So am going to bed for two hours, and then get myself over there. I need to feel fresh to be up for this.

Update... just got back. I just don't know where to begin... sorry... I do not.
I wanted to get him whatever groceries he needed for the weekend. He was struggling to find the simplest words, hey. I am NOT made of glass, and I do NOT break easily... and yeah, I remained composed, and listened, but I hated what I was hearing.

This goes beyond most of what I have experienced to date, so it is new to me.

Am not dumb. Even when I was 26 and he was 36, I KNEW that if it lasted, there might be bad times ahead as we became older. But I had NO idea of what 'bad' can be. Just when I thought I had seen it all.... it floored me today to see what condition he is in.

I am so hoping that whatever it is this time is quickly taken care of and that his mind comes back to some semblance of what it has been.

These past weeks feel like I'm going through what St. Sebastian did, and no, am not in the martyr market. Arrows....

People just shoot them at you, and you try to get up and go on.

Tja, that is a silly comparison. But arrows do hurt, whether verbal or just behind you when you don't see them coming.

Now, how in hell is it Possible...

That you can have state senators, queasy idjit evangelicals, and other arseholes....

go to a foreign country, and rile up their already homophobic views, to propose legislation to kill gay people?

This story in Uganda.... is beyond belief. James M. ( for mountain, if you can believe that... and probably has the tiniest dick anyone has ever seen...) Inhofe of the 'great state' of Oklahoma, was very in this picture.

As was the invocation 'pastor' Rich Warren, and a mess of other people.

This has been big news on MSNBC this week. Rachel Maddow exposed what was going on, and just about everyone who was behind it, and it is all 'Murka'.

(They have oil and lots of other stuff there in the ground...)

I 'think' that thanks to the reporting, the arseholes, who introduced the bill, and they are part of a nefarious DC. group who call themselves 'The Family', took out the death penalty, and lfe inprisonment so far.

Well, clap your hands if you believe in fairies....

My absolute favorite moment of all time was the eighteen minutes interviewing the despicable 'pray the gay away' Richard Cohen. Who is also massively involved in this and was so smarmy, I nearly threw up.

She looked at him as if he were a bug under her feet and wanted to squash him.

BUT... she remained civil, and polite. But hard in her questions and counter arguments, and boy, did she come back using his own words to nail him.

Rachel always comes prepared believe me.

And to tell the world, Mr. Cohen has never been licenced by Anyone.

Quack....

But my question remains..

HOW is it possible that people in the US government go to foreign lands, and purport a so hating, abhorrent agenda for whatever aims they sneakretly have, without the State Department coming in and saying, 'This is not the policy of the United States'....

This is just hate mongering, to get gains in some form or other on the backs of innocent people, and detestable.

Fuckin' ey....

Was up half the night writing e-mails to people who are in trouble and offering whatever paltry help I can give them....

(Yes it is Advent, but I do it all year round, because that is how I was brought up.)

Peter called me at seven. Said he was gonna go back and sleep a while. And I said, 'So am I'. Sounded ok, as usual....

And then he just woke me up again. It was like speaking with Joanne Woodward in 'The Three Faces of Eve'. Confused. Whining. Said he had fallen out of bed 'last night', and his bum hurt. It was fucking terrifying.
I feel so spent of energy, all there is is emptiness inside at the moment.

I am not a complainer, and I knew this day was coming since my birthday. And what makes me into a vertiable Rumpelstilskin is... I have no 'authoritay' to get his sore arse into a hospital where it belongs. It isn't as if I wish it, but he belonged there weeks ago.

Except I have no say....

Y'know.... I keep reading all this 'stuff' about 'marriage', and gay rights, and gawwd knows what, and that is fine and good.... for me at least. People are out there and fighting, and that is good to know if you grew up being made to feel 'different', and alone, and put down.

But it isn't going to HAPPEN.

Not in my life-time, and I would like to bitch-slap some folks and tell them to fucking grow up, get a life, and not be so bored they bother with what YOU do.

At the moment, I am so fucking frustrated, am about to rip myself into two pieces.

So I will go down there and hope, really hope, that he will be so badly off I can call 144. The Waaahmbulance. That is the only hope I have at the moment. And the only right.

Think about that the next time this 'stuff' comes up on your voting list.

And to reiterate... I have NEVER wanted to be gay-married.

But when it comes to life decisions, and you have been with someone over three decades, you should have a say.

And make some good decisions.

gawwd knows I have tried to do that....

Within what the existing laws permitted me to do.

And if he was cogent enough to comply...

Now??? I'm between a rock and a very hard place, as they say here.

After all the drama regarding my father and family.... yeah, I really, really NEED this.

But taking a lesson... my father never has complained about anything, so I should shut my mouf, and just go on.

If it is bad, it can really bad. If it is good.... you can share... Got it? Tja----

Pussy-whipped...

Yes, you read correctly....

So Obama goes to Norway to accept his peace price, and his speech was horrible.

And then goes to the extraordinary lenths of blowing off an invitation to dine with the King, NOT attend a children's concert, which Nobel Prize laureates have to get through somehow, whatever they think privately.

Link


How apineless... just because a lot of blowhards criticised him from the right for being deferential, and polite to people, to re-gain some acceptance in the world?

They want the cowboy back who never was one, ya-HOO!

I don't know who advised him on this issue, but I cannot remember anyone giving such a public rejection to a head of state in public. I really can not.

Trying to be fair... were security issues involved? Maybe... but I don't believe it, actually.

Whatever was behind it, it was so incredibly rude I can't find the words.

It was fucking fear of the viciousness of the Grand Old Poops, and there has to be money behind it.

Placate, placate, placate....

Whether it is giving health insurance companies everything they want at the expense of the health of the American people, and believe me, he is so going to cave in on the environment issue in Copenhagen tomorrow, it will make me sick for a week.

This 'guy' went from giving hope to making everyone hopeless in less than a year. And he isn't alone....

I fucking hate the people he surrounds himself with.

And if there is ONE thing I know, having lived abroad for many years....

You do NOT, repeat, NOT diss a ruler of a country just because you are afraid that 'turtle man' Mitch McConnell is gonna say something mean.

You just do not do that.

Is that building bridges to the world, just because 'Murka' wants to retreat into some sort of crustacean shell? Why the fear?

What is he going to do next? Cancel a dinner with Queen Elisabth II because it might make him looke 'elite'?

And the very loud chorus of 20 percent of the country might take offense if he did?

At this point, I would almost believe it.

No, no spine, sorry....

Just a jellyfish....

Leaders lead... he's just a CEO, and not even a good one at that...

I URGE all the Krampus fans....

To look at yesterdays second segment on Steven Colbert's show .

I screamed with laughter. He tied the Krampus in with the Faux News' despicable 'war on Christmas meme.... Believe me, it was very very funny.

I have no idea who on his team came up with it, but he had a real Krampus on that segment and at the end.

Must have been a crazy Austrian behind it.

Here is the link:

http://www.comedycentral.com/colbertreport/full-episodes/index.jhtml?episodeId=258156

Have some fun with this....
And yes, they look like that.... Except the chains aren't rusty, and they dont' have those voices unless they've been out drinking lots of whiskey.

I hope this stays up a while...

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Hallmark & Krampus
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

Ummm... I have been 'thinking'... whiich is always a dangerous sign...

I had an uncle once, who went deaf. He loved music. He had a horrible colon cancer, and had to get a side-ways exit. And his sister took him in, gave him a room in her own appartment, and I am sure that couldn't have been very easy for her. And my aunt had her mother there too... it was a big appartment. She lived to be over one hundred years old.

When I came to Austria.... it wasn't much different. A wonderful family 'took me in', and I learned what it is to be a family.

Things weren't perfect on any side of the pond, in other words...

But... despite the fact that my friend's sister got pregnant before I arrived, and didn't like the guy who got her into it, and they were very religious, but not in the bigotted sense, she stayed, and she and her son were accepted. So the house was full, and it wasn't a big house, belive me. We would go out with the baby, and everyone was watching, thinking I was the 'culprit'. The curtains moved all the time, you xee... It caused us much hilarity.

And! They had a dreaded aunt, who had an acid tongue, and they made a beautiful little appartment across the way over the barn for her. No, not smelly, barn smell... just very nice.... And she could be nasty, but they put up with it and still loved her.

And I thought, 'Wow! Just wow!'

I know this sounds silly....

But that is why I fell in love with where I am.

Things changed over the decades. Three generations of families no not live under the same roof any more, but it used to be like that.

It all just became avarice, greed, and 'get out of my face'.

Sad.

And now we come to the 'hard' question.

We weren't so different way back when. Really not.

Everyone was up for helping one another, and gawwd, the Mills, and all that stuff, but they helped where they could.

And I can't help thinking... what happened to all of that?

Is it the times we live in, is it just being so self-absorbed we don't even NOTICE?

Ok, I don't have doodly-squat anymore.

If I were in the Mühlgassse still, I would whisk my father over here and make sure he got the best care EVAH.

BUT...

My sibs were more successful, and acheived some little McMansions. How nice. Am not envious.

BUT...

If the plan is to put him on a one-floor appartment is the plan...

there has to be some re-thinking....

I cannot fathom this, I just can not.

How, please, can anyone be so fucking self-absorbed, you ignore what is obvious???

Excuse me for going ON....

Everything about this is supposedly about being 'Christian'.

All I see is selfishnis and greed.

So... after being ill all day, and figuring the time differences...

I was again able to talk to my father today.

Thanks to a wonderful friend.

I usually never get so emotional, but he isn't the father I had five weeks ago.

I DO call, y'know.

There was so much in there... I don't want to get into it right now, I just do not. At least I stopped crying, so that is a good sign, .....maybe.

I'm a rational human being, and have 'some' edumacation... however...

You put a 94 year old man into full narcosis, he is NOT going to be who you knew.

And yes, I expected that....

Oh, he's fine... nothing to complain about. But not who he was.

The fucking HAMMER was.... my Aunt is in the same place. She has Alzheimer's, just like her sister, my step-mother. She has a separate apartment, and everything, but nothing to cook with, because... they forget and could burn the house down.

But she visits him on her good days.

She was always one of my favorite relatives. The first birthday cake I ever had was from her. It was a carousel, and I was fascinated. I was eight years old.

We met in Munich just after I got here, and had a wonderful time.

So THAT knocked me on my ass...

I do not know what else to say at the moment.

Other than to thank my friends for being so supportive, and I love them very much.

It has taken two weeks....

To find out where my white-bread famly put my father.

Fortunately, I have some friends, still.

You know, the ones who like you, and whom you can fight with over insignificant things.

Seems important at the time, but you go off the charts for whatever, and you can still remain friends.

And if you get into whatever trouble, your friends are there, not your family which is sort of like NATO vs, the UN. They are there.

And go to any lengths to help you, because they love you.

Tonight, someone I love very much, went off the charts, and found out where my father is. Because she has been e-mailing him on and off for quite a while now.

(She can master the internets like no one I know...)

She spoke with him for the first time, and was a bit 'off-put'... 'You didn't tell me he was stone deaf...' Well, he only puts his hearing aids in to hear what he wants to.

But... he delighted her with how he only gets the prettiest nurses, and gets to feel them up, or something. Incorrigable rascal....

So... what is family?

You would 'think' that your family is the pillar of love and support and the column on which you build your life. Because that is what we are taught.

Families ar so complex, and so difficult, if you aren't in the mold, you do not belong.

It always comes down to 'extended' families, the ones you rely on, and are your friends.

I don't care any more about all the 'Family' bullshit.

Your friends pull you through.

I just do not know....

Oh yeah, we want to keep up the fucking good cheer because, hey, it is the horriday season.

Y'know... 'fambly'... cosy wonderful feelings and KKKristian beliefs, and people telling you one thing to your face, and then edging the knife in if you hug them.

Advent!!!! How 'acceptable', how wonderful.... Y'know... people never seem to accept anybody really... (this is not an attack, btw). They made that one clear to me when I was five years old, and a very evil great Aunt of mine said, 'Dick, he runs like a girll! It was the first time I was made to be self-conscious of myself, and monitor every move I made. Yeah.... family...acceptance.

They just do not. You can stand on your head in your clown suit and juggle at the same time, but if it isn't the right mix.... they'll knock you over.

Fambly... you depend on them to keep you up to date, and if there is trouble, and you are far away, you call... that is how I was brought up. And you offer your moral support, and let them know you care....

I have always done that, always, even if I didn't have hardly two dimes to rub together. Because that is what you do, and that is what 'fambly' is.... You offer support, even if it is only on the phone if you are far away....

Except I am stupid. Truly, actually, I am stupid.... no one, NO ONE, has ever called ME.

It sort of reminds me of my beloved step-mother Lillian getting irritated with me and yelling, 'Just because you go to college, don't think you're smart! And in many ways... she was right.

When your family doesn't respond when YOU get hurt....

It fucking hurts so bad it is like getting knifed in the stomach.

I truly do not understand what the problem is. I do not. Because I am who I am? It has never made sense to me.

But for people to deprive me of contact, and to speak with my father, and not tell me where he is...

Is cruel, unjust, and unconsciounable.

another horriday....

Today is St. Nicholas day, and these things in the picture are suddenly on balconies all over Peter's neighborhood. And yes, when this day rolls around, the good kids get a little present from 'Nikolo' himself. Warping him into Santa Claus is something I find horrific.

Santa the Usurper, in other words. Silly Austrians... I mean really... every child knows that it is Baby Jeebus who brings the presents on the 24th....

And in the Netherlands, St. Nicholas is always accompanied by six to eight Black Men. As he lives in Spain, you see... not the North Pole. And they used to be his slaves, but that meme changed some time ago.

I know I have posted this before, but David Sedaris' reading of his short story 'Six to Eight Black Men' always delights me, and the videos are hilarious. So indulge me, please, and if you hadn't heard it, it's in three parts, and well worth the fifteen minutes to see them all.

Re-defining goals

I dunno...

Usually, at the end of the year, one tends to sit back and take stock of things.

Just a little over three years ago.... I began this questionable thing, never believing anyone would read it. I just wanted to preserve some old manuscripts, as mine were in pretty bad shape.

To my extreme wonderment, some few people do.

A few days ago, a cousin of mine said, 'I'm gonna go read your blog now. It is so 'nasty'. I was really taken aback. Sure, on-line you can be whatever you wish to be, and use bad language not acceptable in polite so-ci-et-y. It is a vent. You let off some steam.

'Nasty' kind of floored me.....

Looking back over this past year.... well, two topics seem to have been the focus. Health care reform in the US, and human rights issues. So shoot me, or something....

As I have oftn said, I have been within two health care systems, and wanted to contradict the LIES people in the US grow up with with their mother-milk. It is something I know about. Unfortunately.....

Please note that I said 'human rights', not GBLT rights, or confining it.

We are all still humans.... I think...

And when I see people get denigrated for being WHO they are... yes, I get angry, and yes, the language can turn pretty blue to purple.

That is what Dickens used to call 'indignation'. Too much empathy can really get you in trouble nowadays.

The rest is about what delights me, or angers me, or what I wish to share, although my sense of humour got shot in the arm sometime in the Sixties....

It isn't everyone's 'thing'.

So that is what this has become, it was never a 'plan', or thought out... it grew organically.

But looking back, I think it is what I wanted to do.

Like sitting back in an armchair, and 'shooting the shit', as they say....

Without the ladies in the room, but you KNOW they have their ears pressed to the door... (smile). And believe me... they can be more potty-mouthed than any man has ever imagined. I know. I had MY ear pressed to the door one day, and came away speechless.

So... what is the bottom line....

Am not so sure. The health-care thing will be solved..... or more likely not... fairly soon.

And yes, am screamingly angry about the whores who have taken insurance and pharmaceutical monies and gotten up on their sanctimonius horses to make SURE their constituents don't have the advantages they have themselves.

So it will be a topic.

Human rights? Ditto.

I might tweak some other subjects later.

The opera is putting on a prouction I never heard of this month. So I went to Google to find out what it is about. Using Disney... Arielle gets legs from a wicked witch so she can marry a prince, but isn't allowed to speak, so he betrays her, she is forbidden to return to her former form, and she has to kill him, but remains an evil spirit who brings destruction on anyone she encounters. Music by Dvorzak. Uh-huh. The Czechs meet the Brothers Grimm, and .... oh, don't want to go there....

Christmas cheer, you know? Why couldn't they do 'The Nutcracker?'

It's dark enough...

I was WONDERING,

Why I got up grumpy this morning....

Ok, it is one of those days where you get up, and all you get is twilight from 7 am till nearly 4 pm. It's 'the tunnel', and depressing... but we get days like that every year at this time... comes with the territory.

The world is going to hell in a hand-basket, and that in record tempo, but that isn't something new.....

Rachel Maddow 'regaled' me with new proof that so-called KKKristians are the motivators behind the new law in the Ugandan Parliament to kill gays, or put them in prison for life, among which are Congresspeople from red states, who have been travelling back and forth to that country for over twenty years to push that agenda.... and the 'joyful' news (for them) that it will probably pass...

Anthony Weiner of New York said he wishes to see that whenever these people travel in their clown cars and interfere with the politics of other countries, the State Department should meet with the same people the next day, and say 'This is not the policy of the United States government.'

Well, it is a little late for the Ugandans at this point... But I like what I see of Mr. Weiner so far. He's got some scrappiness to him, and 'a lip', as I guess they would say in Brooklyn...

So yeah, everything par for the course, and don't come at me with Tiger Woods stuff.

And THEN, my cursor passed over my task bar, and the date came up.

Well... it is no wonder at all. December 5th.

It is the day of the Krampus, my patron saint. When you get hit with switches if you had been bad.

And I wondered why I got so cross inwardly on the bus home today... five unruly young children who gave me a headache. And ran all over the place with ear-piercing yells while their mothers sat up front oblivious and with no control over them. And I had wanted to yell at the kids to finally find a place, and fucking SETTLE DOWN. And give both their mothers a good smack upside the face.....

Only just now, I learned it is Krampus. They will get those people, believe me.

I probably 'caught' this some years ago, when I got hit by a Krampus.

It is probably like being hit by a Werewolf, but at least it only happens once a year...

Am not going out tonight to hunt them down with my camera. But this photo from two years ago is the best one I ever got. Tja, my patron saints....

Oh yes, I forgot...

The Salvation Army won't give presents and toys to children this year.... if their parents can't show proof of being a citizen of the US by showing their social sneacurity card.

Lou Dobbs must have put them up to it.

Way to go.. Murka. Deprive a child, because hey... they aren't gonna live to enjoy what they get.. they think...

Sick.

That is so wrong in so many ways....

I don't even want to begin.

One link is here.

HOW am I supposed to get cheery and into the jollity of Advent, when reading what their new 'Christian' policy is, I ask you.

NO child.... should be denied a Christmas present, even if it is just one, no matter where the fuck the parents come from.

NO child... should made to be felt as something 'lesser'...

Been there, done that.

So being in Grinch mode, and oh gawwd, the Krampus is coming tomorrow.... I would join them, believe me. And use switches on the arseholes who decided on this new 'rule'. Children can't help where they get dragged to in the hope life will be better.... Who is driving them, Lou Dobbs, the most xenophobic person in the worrrlllld?

And if you run into a Salvation Army person tomorrow... kick them and knock them down on the floor of the mall. And tell them it is from me, and that what they are doing isn't 'Christian'.

Not one more penny for those sychophants, not one.

Sorry, am being awful again... Sorry, but I think that is just so injust.....

WTF happened over there that people became so cold-hearted, and mean-spirited?

What in the world are they doing out there?

I just went out to get something for dinner....

The fog is back. It stinks like it is the Seventies. Koks. (Coal... it is so biting.)

What on earth are we DOING?

I don't have the lungs of a 26 year old any more....

Gawwd should smite whoever is responsible.

I want to see a Ronald Emmerich fim where Jeebus comes down and smites the polluters out into the next millenium. I'd even pay to see that.

This is what tolerance is.....

This speech moved me. Very much. One of the things that really popped up and intrigued me was the concept of 'home'. I worked with a colleague on that a couple of years ago. 'Home'. She barely missed a Fulbright scholarship. I was shattered.



It is not about wanting approval, but respect.