My friend Annti knows me so well, somethimes too well, I think. And she can see procrastination 5ooo miles away... and more or less ordered me to get off my bony arse... and go visit Peter. Or I would be very sorry later... maybe... or something. With examples... very graphic... of things she regrets.
Since the last time, I keep telling myself, and telling myself, GO, scrimp ... and it was so sad... I couldn't get up the resolve to do that day trip. And it is one given the bad connections with the öffies.. public transport.
Well, he still knew me... or I think he did... sometimes it's hard to tell. Juliana, who is in the admin office, came out to greet me... you can't smoke in the building, you can't smoke on trains any more, so once I get there.. I sit on the bench outside, and light up and try to steel myself for what I might find.
I asked her how he was doing, she said, 'Fine'... I recounted what he'd said last time, and hadn't known it was me for several moments. She said, 'He just gets confused sometimes'... Well she can tell that to others who want to assuage their feelings for putting their loved ones in a home, and sugar-coat it, but there is no way I was buying it.
The picture above? Taken this afternoon... about two minutes before the hammer came down. Again... I was being inane, and said, 'So what was for lunch? Was it good?' And I could see he was thinking and thinking really hard... and then he suddenly looked defeated, and stretched out his hand to me, and it was trembling, it frightened him because he didn't know. He looked so terribly sad. I took it and said 'hey, it really doesn't matter.' He doesn't know what is going on... but it frightens him at times. And it tore me apart inside, but kept it in. I asked him if he'd gotten a card from my cousins. 'No, but they called.' Uh-huh.. I told him he might get a card from Annti, of whom he is fiercely jealous... and he said, 'I feel so sorry for her, she's been through so much.' And that I should wish my Dad a Merry Christmas and everything good. Which was new...
It was one of his more apathetic days, and he didn't have much to say. So I was stuck there for over three hours, and he was tired, but didn't want to sleep, and I sort of just 'made conversation'. He doesn't remember the big cook off bet with my boss any more... erased in his memory.
And when I mentioned Marion and Bill, he said, 'How are they? Have you heard from them?'
That is like getting run over by a truck and having it back up on you as well...
I gently explained that they are no longer among us.... which he'd known before. It was like seeing fresh grief... new to him.
I said, 'I know Marion LURRVED to go shopping with you...' when he was squandering his fortune, and he said yes.. 'She really did love doing that...' he'd pick her brain for what's sensible and in good taste, and EXPENSIVE. She understood him maybe even better than I did, and it amused her... but she didn't know a lot of what was going on in the background.
I don't know... but there are lots of holes in his long-term memory as well as not being able to tell you what he'd eaten a half-hour ago. And he was so TIRED... spent three quarters of an hour with his back toward me in what is his most comfortable position in the bed... which is a wonderwork of hospital 'beam me up, lower me down' technology. The way I feel tonite... I'd want one and never ever want to leave it.
And I said, 'Listen Peter... wouldn't you like to turn over and face me? I've MASSAGED your back often enough, and ditto seeing your backside. It would be nice to look at you. I didn't pay out forty Euros to look at your arse.'
And then it hit me... it was the side he always took in our bed, when he held me, and often watched me sleep... At least he didn't cry like a lost little boy when I left... it exhausted him.
The home is nicely decorated for the horridays... Outside everyone's door is some sort of photo of the patient, and nice Christmas decoratons the capable made.
Everything is tasteful. Some people may wonder why I don't take pictures of other patients or halls full of them in wheelchairs, and so on. I will and CAN not do that. It would be an invasion of their dignity and privacy, and ghoulish. There was a man on a gurney out in the corridor today, and after I'd gotten in Peter's room, he started yelling 'Es tut mir so LEID! Es tut mir so LEID!' (I'm so SORRY'....) It went on and ON... Took them about half an hour to calm him down, and did I mention he had shins and calves that resembled a Biafra baby? And I said, 'Y'know.... I'm beginning to wonder what he's so sorry about.' 'Oh him.... he yells all the time... it's worst at night.' A year ago, he would have been agressive about it. For him... I guess it's just 'a day in the life'...
I got home... somehow. Emotionally drained.
Angry, agressive, and so I linked onto my game to get rid of it. And my guild was full of the youngest members saying 'gawwd, I had such a shit day!'
And I lost it... said, 'You wanna know what a shit day is?' And summed this up in five sentences.
That shut them up.
On the other hand, and it was clear to them that my partner is a man... it was 'oh gawd, was he in an accident?' (I assume they meant 'with brain damage or something?'). It was from the youngest members. And I said, 'No, diabetes, and I'm going 'off' now... my heart is too heavy. Nite.'
One shouldn't spread gloom during an 'event'. Have met nice people.
Just when you think, hey....a little thing happens, and you think you've been hit by a truck....
Since the Berlin Servers are down, and am a bit tired of skeletons with obscene codpieces...
will explain about this photo in a bit. It's been sitting on my desktop for over a week or so now.
There are two things which sort of were running around at a near boil on the back burner of my mind this week.
Culminating in the way Rachel Maddow tossed just about everything of what they had planned to 'cover' the plane crash at the racing track in Reno. My objection? No hard facts... how many dead, how many injured, well obviously a lot of people, judging from the constant replaying of video clips. And yes, tragic. Typical... first the pilot was 83, and a WWII vet, and then it was, oh he was 73, and an experienced racer. Everything speculation, nothing known. I thought that was CNN's M/O.
However.... it wasn't enough to dump the usually interesting things the show has to offer. It wasn't a national tragedy. It was all 'Well this happened, and we don't know the full scope yet.' Typical GARBAGE.
And after the disaster at Ramstein... some people might remember that crash at an air show at a US base in Germany quite a while ago... it is a mystery to me how air shows are still held, let alone that insane sounding race with souped up vintage planes directly over people's heads. (I explained that this morning to my tobacconist, and she LOOKED at me.... and I shrugged and said, 'well, it seems to be the only one. People never seem to learn.')
And all I could hear was Werner's voice in my head... 'why get worked up? It's just Business (dripping acid), and it's just Show Business'. Well... people are dead, after all... Or badly hurt. So why does this merit any mention here? I was thinking of the critically injured who will survive that, and what lies ahead for them... some of them could be financially ruined. Insurance companies are ruthless.
Which brings me to the other topic which has soooo gotten the media's panties in a twist. The reactions of the ultra right wing to Rick Perry defending the death penalty in Texas to resounding cheering, and Ron Paul, who is a medical doctor, saying that if someone hadn't prepared for a medical emergency, they should die.
And the media pundits thought Alan Grayson was committing gross hyperbole when he did his infamous explanation of the Rethug plan for health care. He was serious, and the events of the week only proved how serious he really was. 'Don't get sick. And if you do, die quickly.' Niiiice. And seems true enough given the reactions from them and the Tea Party types.
The 'liberal media' was shocked. So shocked. Hand wringing, head-shaking...
Reallah.... Really? I have never seen such an open show of disingenousness in the course of one week. They've had it slammed in their faces for years now... did they think it was also 'just show business'? These people are fools if they do.
Now let's put the two together, shall we, and yes, we are back to health care, which should be a basic right.
There is a certain percentage of 'Murkins who have some very odd beliefs, which they profess profoundly and loudly to anyone who will listen, and they have this attitude.
It is their firm belief that if you love Gawwd, (whoever she is), you will be successful in all that you endeaver because she will reward you. Simple as that. So if you do NOT succeed.... well, there must be something wrong with you mustn't there? And you will be dropped like the proverbial hot potater. You aren't worthy, because they are self-righteous prigs. And you will no longer fit in their category of a 'good' person. I've run into this so often in my career, and often it was subtle, but the message was clear. I loved to refer to such empty-noggined yahoos as 'The New Romans'. Never knew much, but were proud of it.
They are the meanest of the mean-spirited, and 'think' they are Christian, but in reality they are selfish beggars who have no idea of what the New Testament is about, nor have they read it, am sure. And are all, 'I've got mine, screw everyone else.'
And now let's turn to the critically injured. In the box seats, so they were well-to-do, those tickets probably cost a lot of money. And now they are going to be hit with bills that will drive them into near-poverty, and I wonder how their friends are going to react, because 'help thy neighbor' certainly isn't in their repertoire.
That sounds crass put so bluntly, but it crossed my mind, yes it did.
Put it together... what is the media ON about? Shocked? Give me a break, they are the most cynical people in the world, so making such a fuss now? They've always known what the 'Murkins are like.
To end... 80 per cent of all real Americans I've met are kind, generous, and sometimes too naive for their own good, but have their heart in the right place. It's the others who disgust me, and unfortunately, they have a very large megaphone. Sadly.
How can this debate still be going on????
Arizona Death Panels.
Jan Brewer's face is a road-map of hate.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Hard Decisions....
Oh yes, was in Gamlitz on Wednesday. Horrible weather-wise, fog. And Peter was overjoyed to see me. He wouldn't let me go off to smoke for a break, and clung. And the picture is deception.
He cried for most of the time I was there. He is so sad and so alone, it breaks my heart.... but he's breaking down very fast.
I don't know what is right any more. I've run into a bind, because his bank card expired, he can't get a new one, and so I can't access the little bit he gets for the train fare down, and have some major problem coming up of my own on the financial front.
On what I can get.... I can squeeze out a once a month visit.
Therein lies the crux. On the one hand... it does him good at present, but on the other... he gets really over-excited. I hardly get in the door after visiting, and the phone is ringing. And then he goes into overdrive, and have to leave the phone off-hook for DAYS, just to save HIM some money.
The poor man has nothing to say, just wants to hear my voice.
So I think that going too often upsets him more than anything else. And I guess I'd keep on going on if I could afford to... but can not. Which pisses me off... And on the other hand... if I do not, he might find someone there he can talk to, because he won't interact with anyone, and counts on my visits.
It is the pits, what is better? I really can't tell, but haven't an option at present.
And THAT is almost literally killing me. Normally, I usuallly know what is the 'right' thing to do. Now? I have no choice, and have to hope for the best.
Horrible. At least the photo turned out nicely, and not like our lives at present....
Funny, it didn't LOOK like Afrika
Everything was festive, with names of people reserved for 'so-and-so' and family.... It all looked very festive. This was the foyer in front of the huge hall. Peter had a very confusing day... and wasn't very well. We were down in the smoking room with corfee before the festivities began. Whoa, he was in his own world.... It was the saddest Christmas I ever experienced. He took a nap beforehand, and I had me some chat with some of the personell downstairs. It wasn't very positive.
Then we went into the big hall which is usually for dining, and it was what you'd expect. Angelic little kids playing block flutes, readings of sentimental things about the 'meaning' of Christmas... and it was so packed I was claustrophobic. Besides which, Peter got instantaneously ornery and muttering nasty things about everyone there, and attacked Ksenja, head of the nurses aides, that I had to get him out of there FAST. He was shockingly rude. 
Ksenia is the very attractive woman in the brown Dirndl to the right of the picture. Well, it was supposed to begin at three, and began later, and my bus left at four. There were buffets set up at stations along the corridors on both floors, and it all smelled very nice. But I had to leave after confining him to his room for a half-hour. I had a glass of hot mulled red wine, which has never been my thing, but must say, it was the best I've ever tasted. Not too sweet, full-bodied, the right blend of spices. Must say, they didn't cut on quality there...
So I had him accompany me to the door, and was polite, wishing everyone Happy Merry, and all that. And trekked home. My older Bus driver wanted to know how it had been, and is a very kind person... and embarassed me saying how wonderful he thinks it is that I go there all the time. I told him about the 'Afrika' thing, in a way that made him laugh, and he said, 'Y'know... people like that don't really KNOW, and they reach a place where they are happy. It's just hard for others to watch.' And I said, 'I know.' He meant it to be comforting. Café Purgatory was REALLY hopping, and loud and raucous. In the end, I preferred sitting outside. Just as I got home, it began to rain, three doors away from my entrance, perfect timing. And the phone was ringing. I missed roast pork, dumplings, and sauerkraut, Peter told me, and he said it was very good. And, of course, the ubiquitous cookies, which are so delicious, and come in so many variations, you could believe you died and landed in dessert heaven. Said he was tired, and it had been strenuous for him, so he was gonna go to bed. Below is the sky when I left the house. It varies so much from visit to visit. Today it matched my mood. Blue. But it sure didn't LOOK like Afrika.....
I just went Rambo.... or something....
Y'know... I don't KNOW what gets into me sometimes, I really do not.
I just did something AWFUL. The EVIL Ren, who just goes off the charts for doing what's right and damn the consequences.
Oh yeah, it's Peter again.... Who else would get my blood to the boiling point?
He kept his terror calls to three today. The second set me off.
His breathing is bad, and it is something you cannot FAKE. He said he couldn't catch his breath.
'Don't you get oxygen?'
'No.'
And then I went OFF the charts for patience.... and called the home.
'I'm calling about Peter P. He's NOT getting AIR. WHY isn't he on an oxgyen tank?'
I 'think' she sounded panicked.
'We'll really look into it immediately.'
Right.
Third call, he just found out on the 'news' that there is a very extreme grippe going around down there, and it is very dangerous.
And he is hacking and coughing, and it isn't a put-on, I know the difference.
What a x-mas... and tomorrow... I'm going to Afrika. Shoot me.
Oh great.... yet another heart trauma....
Can someone please TELL me what I did to deserve all this?
Peter is back in the home... because.... it's gonna be the bloody horridays, and they don't keep patients in the horsepital during them. Maybe because Baby Jeebus is running around, or something.
His breathing is laboured again.... sounds like water on the lungs... and he's not supposed to get excited. You could just as well tell water not to run downhill. And happy horridays.
Semantics II
Words have consequences... Interesting.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Death panels......
in Arizona.... Olbermann has been pushing this... with real people affected by the incredibly sour-looking hater Jan Br
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
ewer.umm... I didn't Know I was Harry Potter...
It fully surprised me.
But today, you see, (channeling EJ here) something 'odd' happened....
And Peter had been out, getting his check-up...
And whaddaya KNOW....He got lunch coming back, and he told me I had never made better hamburgers and mashed potatoes, and they were so GOOD. SO I must have flown down there, and done it.... or not.
And NO, I didn't make hamburgers today.
I have a good recipe.... deep South...
You put in garlic slices, and mess it around. And you get an onion and press out the juice and squeeze it into the meat.. And thymian. And some salt and pepper. And two tablespoons of Mayonnaise and one of Mustart. And then you put it in the refrrigerator for a half, houe, and then take it out, remove the garlic, and fry them up.
I hardly think the home does that, but he liked them.
Hurrah! Huzzah!" Blech!
Second day of snow, and two more to go, so they say... I called Peter to let him know I was coming to visit and got the bus to the train station out on the square. That's the Schloßberg in the back, all frosty. And grumpy people who didn't like the weather any more than I did. But off I went, all right....
Children play the same games all over the world, I guess. At the bus stop in Ehrenhausen, it was 'king of the hill and throwing snow and slush balls at the kids on our side of the square. 
And give them a steep hill, they're goina tireleslly climb it and sled down it. They were having fun, at least....
Not something I was having, as the streets down there were poorly cleared, and I dislike that, and it had begun snowing again. Peter had rung me up just as I was about to leave. Panicked. Did I know his room number, he was in Gamlitz, and would I be able to FIND him... I had to calm him down, and said, yes, I knew where he was. 
And for the first time in 38 years... he didn't know it was my birthday. He was always a terror, ringing me out of bed at a god-awful hour, because he wanted to be the first to congratulate me.... which is actually silly, because I had no process in the part of being BORN.... but it's nicely meant and all... Today? He knew the date, I sort of ascertained that discreetly. And I softly said, 'which means it's my birthday.' He looked devastated, and crestfallen. And then he got angry. 'They are stealing my memory with their damned meds! I can't remember everything any more! And I WILL SUE THEM!' I should have kept my mouf shut. Wasn't anticipating that reaction at all.
And just so's you know... we never did much on our birfdays even when there was oodles of money . It was just important to wish 'Happy Happy' have some cake, and I would do the Harry's Bar Chocolate one for him, which is so delicious, and he'd get a good one for me from the best bakery in town, we'd have some real champagne, and the birfday boy would get a small present.
We didn't go all ostentatious at Christmas either. Small things we knew the other would like.
The real killer gifts weren't on horridays, in other words. And we'd do it 'just because...' Because one of us would like or be surprised by what the other did, and really go off the charts to thank them. I really liked that. We were sort of weird like that. 
Wish to thank the nice people who sent their good wishes and greetings. And to one person in particular who took a moment per telephone, and had news that dismayed me to the max. I can't divulge, but it floored me. That she would even THINK to call... oh wow. So to everyone... here's a pretty picture to bring a bit of cheer, and is so Disney I could throw up, but it might have been the day if we all lived in La-La Land... It's the city hall in Ehrenhausen this evening, and I got it lopsided because I was standing on a snowbank, but look, 'oooo! Shiny pretty!' I didn't want to correct it. Please note. In the olden days, like thirty some odd years ago, only white lights were 'chic'. Now they use some muted colors. I'll never forget the year I did a tree, and was sick and tired of having heart attacks using candles on it and waiting for it to go up in flames. With local straw ornaments on it, mind you.... My Mom saw a photo of my first one and freaked out. So that year, I decided hybrid was the way to go. Candles? Ok, but ten minutes max and watch it like a hawk. And I did the oooh, and ahhhhhh! candle thing that year. And snuffed them out, and THEN... I plugged in the lights, two strings, all white, and it was a totally different tree.
Peter was completely shocked. And so silent so long, I thought, 'ooooo.... very bad move, very bad'. And THEN he said, 'This is bee-you-ti-ful.' Big sigh of relief there. And over the following years, he came to like that so much, he would sit evenings in the living room with just the white lights on it, light the candles on the Advent wreath as the season progressed, and really enjoy it.
I shudder to think how he would have reacted if I had put on a string of colored lights.... btw. But THAT is the art of comprimise....
And NO, I hated Christmas trees, but I sure knew how to put one up and decorate it.
Sorry, am only trying to repress something I just heard.
Thank you all.
Waning...
Late November, and waiting for my train to Gamlitz. It was 11 a.m. and that is often as light as it gets some days at this time of year. High fog fields. And I was dreading going down there..... after Monday's flurry of calls. Thought I'd get a mess of stuff to hear that I didn't want to hear at-all from Admin.
Well, I got a friendly greeting from them all, which surprised me, actually. And then got the horror upstairs. First I got him shaved, which he won't let anyone do. And he said, 'After you left yesterday....' And I gently said, 'Peter... I wasn't here yesterday, I was in Graz. But what happened?' 'Our old boss came to visit me again, she's been here three times already.' 'Really... what did she want?' 'Oh, you know, to see how I am....' (There were no visitors, I checked.)
The rest of these photos were taken when I left in the afternoon, and the light was waning as much and a rapidly as he is. Went outside with him, and he sprung a leak, which embarassed him and he kept apologising to ME, for some reason. And I said, 'Hey it can happen, it's ok.' And I got him upstairs, and helped him clean up... went out for a cigarette to calm down. Juliana asked me how I was doing, and I said, 'Oh swell, can't you tell? Just beaming.' 'Doesn't look that way to me...' Riighht...
Upstairs again, he was treating the nurses' aides horribly, really in a rage, and I had to scold him. An hour before I left he was rummaging around, said he wanted to call his old bank official.
I said, 'Peter, he died about two years ago, can't you remember? He was just months from retiring, got an inoperable brain tumour and he died. You told ME that at the time.'
Well, he was grief-stricken, cried for over an hour and didn't want to believe me. And there came the inevitable. 'Something is happening to me. Why don't I KNOW this any more.' He was still crying when I left, just inconsolable.
And through all of this I had his cd of Haydn sonatas on the player I got him. It made a very odd backdrop, but in the end, wasn't a comfort, actually... except it kept ME calm...
And whaddaya know... there ARE death panels in 'Murka
And the Rethugs created them.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
hmmm.. odd...
I got up at 2 a.am. today. just couldn't sleep. So I messed around on the internets.... hoping to get sleepy. And I noticed something because my legs hurt after a while. My legs swelled from above the ankle to the bottom of the calf. And an intense headache. I figured this one out from my GP... he wanted to see that one day, which I found weird. And said it was from my heart. (He's such a peach.... Not.)
Those two little areas feel like John McCain's cheeks.
Sigh...
I don't wanna know. Just do not.
Right.... health care... some people are monsters
Phyrrhic victory...
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
On The Road Again....
Yup, another trek to Gamlitz. I shot this from the bus window just inside the town limits, so you can see how late Fall it has become, and how the village lies nestled at the bottom of those hills in the background. New driver, but seemingly, I've become something of a news item in that little backwater town. Because on the way back, he said, 'I hear you come down here to visit your friend in the nursing home every week. That is so nice of you.' And I thought, 'Whoa!' That was surprising. Looks like I'm getting a 'rep, but it's positive, at least. We had a nice discussion on the way back... but still... you live in a village, wow, everyone knows everyone's business, and since I'm the 'outsider', travelling there every week, have raised curiosity. Oh no, Preciousses, I certainly wouldn't want to live there, for sure.
Approching the home... saw something new. The heretofore tall green grasses next to the doctor's office went all fuzzy, and the late Fall light made me stop and have to snap them. They were just beautiful. I suppose those are all seedlings for next year, but I found them fascinating. And oh yeah... that building in the back right that looks like a bunker is the nursing home.
I'd had to plunder Peter's bank account as promised, because he got his double pension payment, and most of it had to go for co-pay for his meds, and there was never enough to keep up with it all. I'd promised the office in August that I would do so, and it killed me to slap down six hundred eighty Euros on the counter, and keep my word. Peter had ok'd it back then, and wasn't so ga-ga at the time, just a slip here or there. Otherwise, I've never touched his account. Other than for the bus/train money to go there once a week, which he also ok'd back in March.
So I had to go into wheedle mode with Andrea in Admin. 'Listen, with all the co-pay for the vast amount of meds he is receiving, I don't know how he can keep up with those bills. I really do not. Isn't there something that can be done to get him an exemption for it? Because I really don't know how it can be done otherwise.'
Honesty is good, sometimes. She said she'd take it up with the director and would see what they can do. And bless my late Mom who always said, 'You got a tongue in your head... USE IT.' Still always my inner guide, hey, when things get difficult. We shall see.
My 'double' came as well, so I got him a mini hi-fi 'tower'. He'd sold off his fabulous one, kept the CD'S, and then didn't have anything to play them on, you see. And since he didn't have a radio in the room, but does have a wonderful tee-vee, that came from my account,
Of course they saw me lug it in, and I said, 'And this is my Christmas/birfday present for him, and explained. Juliana was there as well, and said, 'Hey... if only he'd said something.' I guess they have cheap ones lying around from deceased patients, but just the thought is creepy for me.
Just shrugged, and said, 'Na, that's ok. I was told by a doctor it would be good for him.' And it isn't as if it cost the world....
So it took me an hour to set it up, me being the most impractical clumsy idjit in the world when it comes to small motor coordination. And the instructions were unclear, and the diagrammes were so tiny I couldn't make sense of them at first. So I began muttering imprecations, Peter thought I was cursing at HIM, and he cried for the hour I put it together and tried to figure it out. Turned out to be easy... once you learn the gobbledy gook.
So I finally got the clock set, and figured out how to turn on the radio so he can listen to the 'morning journal' on Austria 1 radio in the morning, which he loves, and how to run the cd's, which was easy by that time....
There was some Föhn today, and he was depressed, and cried a lot. He said he was tired, and wanted to run away, roll into a pond and drown himself. So I had another lonnng talk with Admin, and asked, 'You know.... I think my visits are beginning to upset him more than they help. Should I do less?' She looked concerned. Thought. And said, 'No'.
I shrugged, and said, 'Well, they don't do me any good sometimes. If he gets all riled up inside and makes things more difficult for the staff, that won't help.' 'No. It does help.'
I guess they have enough patients who get dumped and are never visited. To think that till the beginning of July, we could talk about all sorts of things. Anything. But the acceleration of his decline since is so fast it freaks me.
Am not whining, just amazed. I'd hardly gotten home, a nurse called me and asked me to call him back. I'd asked Admin not to open his phone to allow outgoing calls, but allow for incoming ones. Because if he calls long distance every forty minutes just to ask, 'Are you coming to visit? When will you arrive?' he's gonna run up waay more debt than he already has. I had told Admin today... 'Ok... he's gonna wanna call every forty minutes, because he can't remember. So let's set up a routine here. I will be here every Friday, will arrive around 12:30, so that he can adjust better. So just keep telling him that, and will do it.'
Tja... between the Föhn and his increasing fears... it wasn't good. Günther was of the opinion that the CD player would be a very good thing for him, so why not, you know?
Leaving at four p.m, it was twilight already. Such light. And was thinking about people going into THEIR dark good nights. Next month it will be dark when I leave. It gets dark sometime after 3 p.m. There is a beauty in the landscape, the smells on the air, but it always sort of depresses me. And yet... it's sort of heart-stoppingly beautiful. I know I post a lot of photos from some of the same vantage points... but through the seasons, from March till now, there is always something 'different' from the last time.
And twenty minutes later, the sun had gone behind the hills,
had climbed up the stairs to the train station in Ehrenhausen, and the light was gorgeous.
Tja, on the road again.... it may be the same road all the time lately... but if you really LOOK... it's always different, somehow.
just three photos of my cross-town junkets....
to the local hospital for over fifteen days to see Peter. We had a few days of 'late autumn' depri weather. Fog and drizzle. But he never fails to tell me that he was baptised just after his birth in that chapel. Oddly, have never been inside, just said, 'Oh yeah?' He never wanted to go in either.
Then there were the Föhn days, and it was mild, and he wanted to tank sun. He was in the building behind him, and there are four more such units with a cellar labyrinth connecting all of them, which was where he got 'lost'. He was getting very depressed.
And on one of those days, we wheeled down to the other end of the street to find a bit of sun... and I saw it. A sign that begins with Baby. And got very depressed. I'd known it was there.
I can't remember how long ago it was, but after countless cases of young girls hiding pregnancies, and disposing of umwanted newborns in dumpsters or on the streets, the government looked for a solution. Sure, they have programs for girls 'in trouble', but some didn't dare go and ask for help. So since then, they have a place at hospitals where a young mother in distress can place her baby. I guess it is sort of like a doggy door, or something, where they can place the child in a sort of cubicle in there, and then ring a bell and disappear anonymously. It really doesn't get reported on muchly any more, but seeing where it was at LKH was sort of dismaying.
I am only describing what it really is from what I read at the time. I didn't have the heart to go and see how it looked there. The sign alone depressed me more than I already was.
Peter was transported back 'home' Tuesday. So tomorrow will have to go to Gamlitz, and see how he is settling in.
Besides which, the admin office wants mucho denaros, so will have to pretty much plunder his account and give it up down there. Had promised to... And THEN, Preciousses, am gonna FIX it so he gets incoming calls, but can't call out and run up costs he can't really afford to pay for.
That isn't actually my idea of a good time, but I promised.....
Psycho Talk
Well... I sure wouldn't want to live in Arizona right now. The cynicism is breath-taking.
