Sabotage.... plain and simple. Just when you think

you can trust people, and fucking doctors, you get blind-sided. In February, I was told I have to take a medication, for six months. I was trusting and so miserable, I took it.

It has been the worst five months of my life health-wise. Good, I had a sort of nervous breakdown, but I think the med made it worse. And it got even worse. The last month or so am like a bloody zombie, forget everything, and so on. I should have KNOWN those first two and a half months that hardly keeping anything down wasn't exactly ok. Chalked it up to nerves. But did ask if the med was responsible, and was told, oh, no, that wouldn't do that..... right.

And the past two weeks, oh wow. You NEVER want to see someone with a constantly running nose and from one moment to the next, you can't get any air, and then wretch and wretch, and nothing comes out, because there is nothing in your stomach.

And it sounds to others as if you are trying to just get rid of your inner organs.

And then you have to sit still for a good half hour because you are one tremblor of an earthquake, and can't even write your name if your life depended on it.

And then it goes away, for a while....

And you never know when it is going to hit you, that is the bad thing. Which is why I hardly leave the house.

Well, two days ago, I forgot to take that pill, and it was barf-free. Yesterday I took one, and got three attacks, mostly in private. Today, I didn't, and feel good for a change. Not super, but better than in weeks. My chest isn't constricted-feeling, my stomach stopped feeling horrible, and I can breathe freely for a change.

So was that the plan? Medicate me into some sort of incompetent fool so I get a pension?

Words fucking fail, hey. And I am an idiot. Will see in a few days, but if things improve without my taking that shit, someone is going to be very sorry.... because what I went through these pase five months is indescribable.

And I only found out last week that that medication is only supposed to be prescribed by one of the chief doctors of the health insurance company. It wasn't.

Yesterday there was something on the tv that woke me up to what is wrong.

But as I said, we shall see. Too early to tell. But think I am on track.

Perfidious.

Someone stole five months of my life.