Where do you wanna go, hey?

Sylt? Rimini?

Today's fun with watching Peter lose it..... where do you wanna go?

'Let's go to Westerland tomorrow.'

'Westerland? Where in the world is that?'

'You know, Sylt, on the Nordsee. It only takes four hours....'

'Ummmm Peter, it takes 12 to 14 hours to get to Berlin by train, and it would still be a ways to get to Sylt.....'

'Oh. Well, I guess I can't do that...'

(He fell in love with the North Sea area many years ago... so I GOT it...)

'No, that would be strenuous for you.'

Five minutes later..... 'Well, we could go to Rimini... that's not so far. I need sea air.'

'Well yes, we MIGHT, but.... all your clothes are in Gamlitz, so we would have to go get them, and THAT means you have to get out of here and you won't if you don't take your meds....' (THAT is a huge problem...)

'Well, ok, but tomorrow we go downtown, and I want to buy you some new pants for your birthday.'

'Peter, my birthday is in December. Tomorrow is Halloween, October, you know? And it is Sunday, everything is closed, and Monday is a holiday, and everything is closed.'

'Oh. I should have known that. I keep forgetting. Can't we GO somewhere?'

'Not till you get better, and get back 'home'.... And you aren't taking your meds.... again.'

(They were on his night-table...)

'How do you expect to get OUT of here if you don't take them?'

'They make me bilious.'

Uh-huh.

I coerced him into taking the morning ones, at least. And when I left, went into macho mode.... and marched down to the nurses station with a grumpy 'Grüß Gott! Herr P isn't taking his meds. Why?'

The woman pretended she didn't know. Not an option with me. 'I know that he has been troublesome.... and persuaded him to take at least part of his ration today, what gives?'

'He just WON'T.... and we can't force him.' She said he drives them all to distraction.

I said, 'You tell him he HAS to, or Ren won't visit any more.'

Yeah, brutal.

I hate the daily hospital stuff. Oh boy, do I hate it.

So it was nice to come home and distract myself with something else.

Oh, I got two phone calls... Peter and the nurses, panicked. Did I get home ok? Was I coming to visit tomorrow? 'I told you I would.' 'I forgot...' And then he panics.

There are SOME days, I really wish he wouldn't be half-way cognizant, because I HATE seeing him suddenly realise that something is wrong and be frightened, and that is a terrible thing to say.

But if it has to be, it would be better if he wasn't afraid any more. I hate seeing the panic, and confusion, and the struggling to hold on for the short time I visit.

It upsets me to the max.

If I had money? I'd take him to the Nordsee. But it will never happen.

I try doing what I can.... but nothing will ever bring him back, the friend who was so smart and funny, and has always loved me. He still does, regarding the latter.... but is only afraid nowadays... It is horrible.