Over the weekend.... I visited Tee-vee's netherworld

Which consists of Sunday and Monday chez RenB, I decided to delve into the nether world of tee-vee offered on my subscription channel, which seems to be expanding at the most amazing rate.

They are so ambitious! And I guess I got in on the ground floor of their enterprise. New series keep popping up, things I've read negative things about, and never really wanted to see. But it rained and I was bored, and although a few of them have been up there a while.... I wasn't really tempted to waste my time, and didn't click. As in CSI, the entire crap spinoffs, the Kardashians, whoever they might be, and all the Real Housewives... uh-uh. Not willing to go there.

However, the pseudo prude Mika Brzezinski of morning Joe was moaning and complaining about her twelve year old daughter who just HAD to see the final season's episode of Jersey Shore, and how terrible it is.

This piqued my curiosity, and I entered a world of such bizarre dimensions, I was spitless. What I watched was an hour's worth of a 'Big Brother' style show and it seems that all these people on it DO are to be half-way ok with one another during the day, and then go out and get shit-faced drunk in the evenings, and copulate or get in one another's faces so they can express their real distaste for one another, and yell Fuck You at one another a lot.

And the way Willie Geist always goes ON about 'Snookie' in his 'news you can't use' segments.... Well.... I didn't expect a sawed-off dwarf with weird hair and so much make-up, it looked like she put it on with a trowel... and with a potty mouth that reminded me of the troll lady in Merlin in Season Two. The only thing missing was the farts, and they made up for that with the cast cheering on the misshaped doggie who kept messing on their living room carpet.

The guys on the show have tortured themselves into misshapened nightmares of what Arnold Schwarzenegger visualised for himself in his idiocy for body-building, and have a vocabulary of maybe four thousand words. And are jerks.

So why did I watch one full episode? I wanted to know whereof I speak. But I have two questions. Why would Mika Brzezinski let her twelve year old daughter watch that piece of shit, and why would it be so popular? She, who prides herself on being a strict Mom?

Ohhhh, yeah, right. It's the 'elitist' thing. Let's face it, the kids are gonna hear it on the street, and it's 'in' with the other kids in her children's private upper-crust school, so she's gonna be good with peer pressure, so the kids will be 'in' or something like that? And the media is gonna drive disgusting behaviour, because it sells, and the demographics demand it, or something, I don't friggin' know. I swear, the next time she goes ON about being a responsible parent, I will send an e-mail.

I'm surprised at what passes for 'entertainment', nowadays, and the sort of neanderthal behaviour which is deemed 'cool'. All I see is exploited young people who are probably being egged on to act as outrageously as possible and selling it as 'cool. 'To the detriment of young people who are impressionable and think that is the way to be successful and popular.

And the people who produce that crap think all is perfectly ok. It's a good thing my Mom isn't around to see that. To think I got grounded for being caught reading 'GoneWith the Wind' .... 'because it told all about life'.

And yes, we knew ALL the vulgar words, wouldn't have dared use them in front of our families... and dosed them out where it was DESERVED, not as your regular way of expressing yourself. There are far more scathing ways to use other words to cut right to the bone, believe me.

After gasping for air, and going out for a Döner, which is the turkish version of a submarine 'samwich', I felt fortified, and ready to face a new adventure in US media horror: 'Dancing With The Stars'. Twelfth (!!!) season, first episode.

This I've heard of as well and seen some clips from people who watch this shit, and post ones of people who fail miserably. It's a BBC franchise, and they are so fake and perverse, it defies description. First time I saw a full episode. My Döner wasn't sitting well from the beginning to the end of this. Thirty-two tooth salutes are de rigeur... Eeeew. There was some vulgar, overweight, absolutely disgusting person called Wendy Williams on it. The whole thing was tired, a couple of pairs who were actually good, and I AM TOO OLD, I don't get it. Kirstie Allie was at least funny and proficient. And after several You Tube videos.... I want to punch Piers Morgan in the nose. And I don't know who that screamer third judge is, but he is NOT funny. Or amusing. Or of any value in watching him on tee-vee of any sort. If he really took over Larry King's spot, well, call out the Titanic Orchestra, because that man is going to sink.

So it rained and rained, and I ended up more or less in shock and billious. And found they put up 'Nurse Jackie', which I'd heard about. Edie Falco formerly of the Sopranos, hey. Two episodes from the new season. Too early to say anything about it.

And they put up some UK soaps. Coronation Street, which I've always heard of. I couldn't understand a single word. Seemingly they offer subtitles for the rest of the UK, so it wasn't me. And 'East Enders', which might turn out to be interesting, and 'Emmerdale', which immediately gained my interest. I still don't know what they are ABOUT, but I could at least understand them.

But then I found they are posting 'Shit My Dad Says'. PAYDIRT! I found it so funny. I'd heard about that too. Some guy in reality got sandbagged, moved in with his 74 year old father, and started a blog of the same name, which is very funny, have read some of it. The guy is so non-pc and hilarious.

It gained so much attention, it got turned into a tee-vee series, with William Shattner as the father. I told Peter to look out for it on the phone today, he says he'd seen the title somewhere so will try to watch it if he can find it, although he couldn't picture William Shattner being funny. And I said, 'believe me, he is'. There are so many gay jokes of the good kind in it, not denigrating, but genuinely funny.

My favorite so far was the fifth episode, season one. He going on about respecting one another's property, but borrows his son's jacket to a friend, which ends up on a dead man, and he has to get it back to prove he doesn't break his code of honor, crashes the wake, the corpse is wearing it, the family thinks he was the 'secret' Ed who was never to be revealed, and haul him up to give a eulogy. Ed thinks the guy had an affair, really blows it referring to his 'gay' relationship--which shocks the family, because they thought their father was an alcoholic, and that the real Ed was his sponsor, and .... well... I laughed myself sick. It ended well... but is very funny. Not all of them, but enough to keep you going.

SO, I guess if you want to be entertained, 'Shit My Dad Says' is lots of fun, just for a half hour of merriment, and well-made comedy. And the blog is worth looking at too. Reality-based.

By that time, I decided to go into hibernation, and the latter show was a remedy for a severe shock to the system.

But wouldn't you know.... I got up today, and of COURSE I had to watch my very favourite Soap, One Life To Live. That show is Soaps on steroids, SO WHAT DID MY TIRED EYES SEE this morning?

Wendy Williams as a gossip newscaster, and one of the non-descript, ugly, make-up applied-with-a-trowel Kardashian sisters who can read a line, but can't act her way out of a paper bag. I recognised Wendy from that blowsy number she did on Dancing With The Stars, but the other?

The comments board lit up with indignation, and they want both of them OFF the show, like yesterday. Some of them said the show had brought them on to boost ratings. And reach a new demographic. Well, that's lame. When General Hospital was in trouble, they brought in Liz Taylor. Now they at least have James Franco, who can ACT... Not some spoiled little Princess who got her own reality show to stick it to her own generation to show how excessively she can SHOP, and screw around. The sooner she gets out of there, the better. Wendy Williams was at least faintly amusing.

Faintly.

After all that.... I just felt dirty. And disgusted. That's 'Murkin culture? I'd rather go to New Yawk and see 'The Book of Mormon', which has gotten super reviews. From the makers of South Park. Really.