Just when you think you did EVERYTHING to make things RIGHT

The person fucks it up and FUCKS YOU OVER.

Isn't that a hoot?

Isn't that just a laugh-riot.

Isn't that just pitiful.

And after thirty years, you get to decide, hey. Sorry, still ill and do not know what is really going on. But....

I thought I could go back to work this week, still wonky, but hey, two day shifts and then do two days off, rest, then five evening shifts. Since I consider myself indestructible, I went in Monday, and it started all right. I got there an hour early to upload all those photos, on my time, not work time, because my pc won't do it. Then an hour later, I started feeling odd. Dizzy. I never feel dizzy. I thought I was going to fall off the chair. My lovely colleague came in and literally rescued me. (I have some of the nicest colleagues in the WORLD.)

So I saw my doctor. My blood pressure was off the charts for high. It has always tended to be low.

(There IS a point to this by the way....)

I went home, and he told me to lie down for a while. Just when I did, whaddaya know, the fucking phone rings.

My Ex, the one supposedly in assisted living? Was at the old house, and he lost the key for the bottom lock. There was some sort of confrontation, and he either got kicked out, which is my assumption, or went into overdrive. So he gets back into the old place, which has been cannibalised, more or less, no electricity, no heat, and it is COLD here, nothing edible since July, and says he is so glad to have his peace and quiet. He didn't pay his phone bills, although I TOLD him to turn it off, and so he can get calls, but not call out. A nightmare.

And they moved all the old stuff into his house, and he is the epitome of a caricature of Miss Havisham. (The crazy lady in Great Expectations who causes the tragedy....)

The vultures in the place who had already taken almost everything from him began gathering. The 'concern' was so GREAT, I got the dry heaves, literally. TROLLS. Now concern trolls and I'm the bad guy who put him into a very horrible place. Hokay....

And with that, I LEFT, Preciousses. I'm on sick leave, and not supposed to be out of the house. I just unlocked the door, gave him one THOUSAND pieces of my more or less incoherent mind, and left. This past year, I worked my ASS off to find a solution, it wasn't perfect, but it was a starting point. And I was the one who was THERE every day of hospital as best I could.... Well isn't that a kick in the PANTS, hey, as Harvey Fierstein said.

I have NOT been back. His problem. Oh, I called, of course. Just to make sure he hadn't fallen down in the WC again. He's happy....

Just when I feel at my weakest point, the jackals gather. It wasn't pretty.

So for all the people who told me he just used me all these years, yup, probably right these past several years. So get out the balloons and the things you make those jeering noises with, and celebrate, because I have HAD it.

But before you get all euphorious and everything, think of this. Did you ever consider me so stupid? Because when you criticise, it always comes down to: I was STUPID. There have been many reasons I made the decisions I made, but I have never been blind, nor stupid. There WAS a time, long ago, when he touched something deep within me, and made me feel wonderful, and desirable and even attractive, and taught me so much. Otherwise, I would have dissed him as I did Hellmut. (See 'Scraping the Barrel' in the Graz section. And there was a lot more to THAT than I will ever tell....) As far as my Ex goes, those feelings are long gone, but gratefulness..... also only stretches so far. So I tried it with Christian feeling. He was so ill, and I OWED him so much. I've paid him back.... I thought it my Christian DUTY... it's a stupid Catholic thing....

Thirty years is a very long time, ok? You go through good times and bad times. But THIS time, am at the end of my wisdom, and throw in the towel, hey.

And then he just threw it in my face.

Which is not helping my blood pressure much..... Tja..

and I thought they only did re-runs in the summer.... right