Just when you think you are fucking indestructible...

Your body betrays you.

Isn't that a hoot....

Sometimes I do NOT 'get it' until it is too late.

So have been throwing up like some anorexic ballerina, as Jo would say. (I always LIKED that picture in my head, but do NOT like it in reality and if it is happening you you. Tja, fantasy and reality, Precsiousses. )

My heart is acting up.

To the point where it scares me, and there isn't much that scares me. (did you hear that, mr. K? Almost nothing fucking skeers me.)

Unlike what some fucked-up people think, I have always thought I was pragmatic. But I was never afraid of ANYTHING in my life. And stood up for whatever I did, and was never ashamed of any of it. I think I have been a decent person in my life.

Whatever, my heart races so horribly, it gets frightening. I get short of breath when I do something trivial for lifting stuff.

I should get my sorry old ass over to a hospital, but am stubborn. Have to see a doctor tomorrow anyway. And hey, whaddaya know? I KNOW that the cause is psychosomatic. But it has REAL consequences, I had a fucking psych major before I switched to German, so am not exactly stupid, but who would have thought, hey...

So... am off to bed again.... And Nah... my heart is just racing along as if it were a Porsche at Monza. Creeps me out.

Update. I slept most of the afternoon. Went to find something to eat at the supermarket.... We're having Mordor weather. The air stank so bad, I could hardly catch my breath. I hurried to try to get back home in time, but I didn't quite make it, am afraid.... Started to cough and then I did a not so graceful double Rittberger, (am rusty) and projectile vomited into the gutter for the edification of the people waiting at the bus stop who really did NOT need that, as if it were that horrible thing in that Monty Python movie. I don't know the english title. 'The Meaning of Life' or something like that.

And no, it is not the flu. Now I know why Truman Capote went off the charts when he got majorly dissed.

Just sayin'....

I guess Monza is over for the time being, and the Porsche won, or came in second at least. That is a nice thing.... But I think it needs a carbeurator change, or a new muffler. Because it sort of hurts over on the left side. Sort of behind the scenes dull pain.

And oh FUCK, I just needed that, right? (god, just in the bathroom again... how the fuck much can you have in your stomach, hey? Just watery stuff... gross.)

So am just majorly boring myself here. How FUCKING stupid of me. Will not, so NOT do another post on my 'Befindlichkeit'. Some people were out to hurt me and badly. And I am just going to have to deal with it. Somehow I have the sneaking feeling..... you aren't having any fun.