Hard Decisions....

Oh yes, was in Gamlitz on Wednesday. Horrible weather-wise, fog. And Peter was overjoyed to see me. He wouldn't let me go off to smoke for a break, and clung. And the picture is deception.

He cried for most of the time I was there. He is so sad and so alone, it breaks my heart.... but he's breaking down very fast.

I don't know what is right any more. I've run into a bind, because his bank card expired, he can't get a new one, and so I can't access the little bit he gets for the train fare down, and have some major problem coming up of my own on the financial front.

On what I can get.... I can squeeze out a once a month visit.

Therein lies the crux. On the one hand... it does him good at present, but on the other... he gets really over-excited. I hardly get in the door after visiting, and the phone is ringing. And then he goes into overdrive, and have to leave the phone off-hook for DAYS, just to save HIM some money.

The poor man has nothing to say, just wants to hear my voice.

So I think that going too often upsets him more than anything else. And I guess I'd keep on going on if I could afford to... but can not. Which pisses me off... And on the other hand... if I do not, he might find someone there he can talk to, because he won't interact with anyone, and counts on my visits.

It is the pits, what is better? I really can't tell, but haven't an option at present.

And THAT is almost literally killing me. Normally, I usuallly know what is the 'right' thing to do. Now? I have no choice, and have to hope for the best.

Horrible. At least the photo turned out nicely, and not like our lives at present....