It's taken me four days to breathe in deeply and it doesn't hurt...

Which is why I went silent. And it was due to pure LUST....

Lust is a terrible terrible thing. Look where it got Herman Cain, but, mine was sorta kinda harmless.

I love eggs. I do, and they were never a problem. Up until about eight years ago. And there was to be a christmas party, but I knew we were gonna have to wait for ages till we got to a restaurant and was hungry, and made a big plate of scrambled eggs. And never got there. My sinuses closed, I could hardly breathe... I'd become algerisch (algerian) which is an old joke between Peter and I because of a Mrs. Malaprop who'd wanted him to close a window in the hospital when his mom was dying, and said she was algerian to drafts. But meant allergic, of course.

So since then, I've been 'good'. I avoid them as much as possible... and not missing a soft-boiled egg at breakfast took a while. Of course I tested this theory of mine, but an egg? Bring on a respirator, hey.

On Nov. 30th, I was in the supermarket, and they had something new. And inexpensive, which is my criteria to buy something to eat for the day where I normally have NO appetite. Quiche Lorraine... oooooo...

Now if I had been thinking normally... anything named after my bio-mom should have set off alarums and bells, and sirens and whistles. 'Toxic'.

But I had a LUST for one. Whithout thinking about what was in it and I have made a few in my time. 20 minutes in the oven, and done.

I took a few fork-fulls and had a taste-bud orgasm. And reality hit me... 'good gawwd there's lots of egg in this.' Of course there was, that's the main ingredient.

And I thought with my fork paused in the air... 'Hokay.. you should stop right now!'

And the debbil was on my shoulder saying, 'You want it, it's delicious, and you never throw food away. Eat.'

And in Austria, there's a saying that 'einmal ist keinmal'. Once is never. (shrug) It's used to excuse all sorts of behaviour. So I ate the whoooollle thing. And loved it. I just expected some discomfort, you know?

Ya think!

That was certifiably DUMB. I didn't figure in the asthma component.

In the afternoon, was uncomfortable, but it didn't worry me... went to bed fairly early in the evening as I'd been up since like about three-thirty a.m. And woke up about three in the morning with a shock... For over fifteen seconds, I could not breathe in. I really thought, 'this is it, I'm gonna die, here...' It was like paralysis. And then something loosened, and I took in air.

We all never think about breathing... y'know? When it becomes a conscious act, it's sorta radical.

From then until today, it was 'da pits'. I couldn't even draw in half a lungful without it hurting. Felt like someone was wringing out my lungs. So it's taken days, and now I can take in a deep breath without feeling someone is strangling me.

Which is nice.

In other words, I inadverdantly poisoned myself. With a pie named after my biological mother, but in reality after a province in France.

There's irony for you...

The following days, was only up in fits and starts.

And my birthday was in there, but slept through most of it. I got my e-mail, and laconically answered some things on Facebook, where I never usually go. And opened my card from my best friend, and she made me cry... but not the bad sort of crying. I've never been so moved.

For a while, I was afraid to sleep, and only did so days... as if a bit of light was a difference in making you feel safe... and up most nights... trying to wait for it all to subside. And distracted myself with my online game, and some people from the guild were totally nice, and one in particular helped me with a problem I'd been unable to solve, and advanced some in it. And chatted, and laughed... anything not to think about how I was feeling, which was like spit-up apple sauce a baby suddenly didn't like.

One in the guild... I think he's a student and lives with his parents still, but loves to auto-group me, and we talk privately... was gone over that time, and when I came on today, he said, 'Hey, wasn't your birthday on the 2nd? I hope it was good.' And I'd only mentioned in passing, that I'd wanted to level up my Beschi (conjuror) for my birfday on Friday.' He remembered. If he is 'on', he's the first to greet me. And wants to go for a group activity. And then we do something boring in the game and 'talk'. I make him laugh a lot. We talk about all sorts of things, social issues, old movies, serial killer children (the bad seed), and he has a very astute mind and some good opinions of his own where I can say, 'Y'know what? I think you're right.' Whatever, when I went 'on' today, he was right there with HEY! And I wrote 'Hey, Kaede!' (I don't know what it stands for or even his name.) And as we were on the global chat tab, some asshole told me 'Lern deutsch!) 'Learn German'. Probably an aryan neonazi. And I was momentarily furious, normally everone is polite there, and sixteen terrible things I shouldn't say on-line came to my mind and wanted to go right into my fingers on the keyboard... till I turned Austrian...

'Ummmm shouldn't that be 'LernE Deutsch?' Kaede bust a gut, and said privately, 'Hey, don't go all Duden on him.' Duden is the official german language guide for correct grammar and a lot of other things. I said, 'Sorry, but sometimes I see things here that make me physically HURT.'

Today he signed off with 'bis später :)' Written out because I said seeing bs always makes me think for a split second it means bullshit. took me a moment to realise he'd gotten a chuckle out of it.

Whatever, despite all the discomfort and feeling like something the cat dragged in... some things made me smile, and am slowly feeling better.

And the next time you lust after something you know isn't good for you... calculate in ALL the variables, ok? Lust is a bitch.