Waning...

Late November, and waiting for my train to Gamlitz. It was 11 a.m. and that is often as light as it gets some days at this time of year. High fog fields. And I was dreading going down there..... after Monday's flurry of calls. Thought I'd get a mess of stuff to hear that I didn't want to hear at-all from Admin.



Well, I got a friendly greeting from them all, which surprised me, actually. And then got the horror upstairs. First I got him shaved, which he won't let anyone do. And he said, 'After you left yesterday....' And I gently said, 'Peter... I wasn't here yesterday, I was in Graz. But what happened?' 'Our old boss came to visit me again, she's been here three times already.' 'Really... what did she want?' 'Oh, you know, to see how I am....' (There were no visitors, I checked.)



The rest of these photos were taken when I left in the afternoon, and the light was waning as much and a rapidly as he is. Went outside with him, and he sprung a leak, which embarassed him and he kept apologising to ME, for some reason. And I said, 'Hey it can happen, it's ok.' And I got him upstairs, and helped him clean up... went out for a cigarette to calm down. Juliana asked me how I was doing, and I said, 'Oh swell, can't you tell? Just beaming.' 'Doesn't look that way to me...' Riighht...


Upstairs again, he was treating the nurses' aides horribly, really in a rage, and I had to scold him. An hour before I left he was rummaging around, said he wanted to call his old bank official.

I said, 'Peter, he died about two years ago, can't you remember? He was just months from retiring, got an inoperable brain tumour and he died. You told ME that at the time.'

Well, he was grief-stricken, cried for over an hour and didn't want to believe me. And there came the inevitable. 'Something is happening to me. Why don't I KNOW this any more.' He was still crying when I left, just inconsolable.

And through all of this I had his cd of Haydn sonatas on the player I got him. It made a very odd backdrop, but in the end, wasn't a comfort, actually... except it kept ME calm...