Guilty pleasures...

I sort of got 'INTO' watching 'The Voice'. Yeah, lame.... I liked the format, and how they do it. They whittled it down to four contestants, so it's been suspenseful.

Am torn between Javier Colon, who has an amazing vocal range, and the rockin', talkin' Berverly McLellan. Who freaked me out from the audition level. And YEAH, she's a shaved-bald, totally tatooed OUT THERE lesbian, and good for her. She really moves me on many levels.

(Yeah, I love 'in-your-face' peoples...)

Last nite, they had to do original songs they'd written themselves. Both of them really moved me, so I don't know who will win it. Javier's number really got to me, the man is a wonder.

But Beverly? Her rendition of 'Sick of Love' that she wrote has to be generic. So been there and done that. In her audition, she did a Janis Joplin number that left me spitless. I had the privelege of seeing Janis Joplin, the real one. Beverly floored me. She is being coached by C'hristina Aguillera... whom I cannot STAND. She comes over as a narcissistic bitch, but seemingly, the coaching worked.

I have no idea who will win. Javier is amazing. Beverly deserves getting the brass ring.

She's really gotten under my skin. She should be 'The Voice'.

Don't mind me, just stuck in limbo, but like seeing talent.

I hate most of the competition shows, but like 'So You Think You Can Dance'. For sentimental reasons. I so admire the finalists, and get all teared up over it. It also has a good, if greuling concept.

They have to go outside what their specialty is, and dance genres they are unfamiliar with. They have amazing choreographers.

And I like it because Peter was so 'into' it. Gawwd, he dragged me across half of Europe if there was some troupe he so wanted to see and share with me, it was sometimes annoying, although I LIKED it once there... He loved all those people. And the choreographers, some of whom he had known personally before he exiled himself into a life in a small town and was committed to me.

Thanks to him, I have seen some of the most famous troupes in the world. Most of the names wouldn't mean much to you. But the Bolshoi Ballet might... like twice... Or Alvin Ailey. Or Mats Vilander... It's an amazing world, dance is. Robert Altman tried to capture it and half-way succeeded....

I had a guest once. He was on a tour and hated it, just hated it. Good ole Southern lad, around mid-fifties, and he was on one of those, 'see Europe in fifteen days, and fly across five other' trips. He was so bored. Lived in New Yawk. And was gay.

And his gaydar was amazingly good. And he kept boring at me with questions, till I caved. He was in a bank and handled star's accounts. And at the time, I wanted to know about 'Torch Song Trilogy' and his eyes lit up like he'd won the trifecta. He knew I was skittish, being at work, so he let up.

Three weeks later, he sent me the book of the play. I was the only highlight on his trip, he said.

So we corresponded. He was one of the most generous, lovely men I have ever encountered. 'And no, he wasn't a 'sugar Daddy'. But he came back twice to Graz on his own, which was dangerous to his health. He had a severe heart condition, and he knew about Peter, but he wanted our company. So he said.

I got to know JR very well. His brother had sodomized him when he was young, and I don't think he ever got over it. He was funny, sad, and could tell you Broadway insider stuff that would curl your hair. But he was so sweet. We did a lot of cultural things all three of us, and Peter was really taken with him as a person we valued highly.

JR did a lot of volunteer work at the NY City Opera and Ballet, and brought me tee-shirts, some of which I still have and wear. And an autographed biography of a star of the latter who died of AIDS. JR was a font of information and was a treasured friend.

So when I watch 'So You Think You Can Dance', he's in the back of my mind as well. He turned me on to Sondheim, and a mess of other famous people I'd never heard of.

But his heart was giving out, and even flying over here wasn't good for him.

The second time, I was so concerned, he was such a good friend, and not doing well. So I accompanied him to Vienna for his flight back. The last night, he knocked on my door. And said, 'I have to say this. I love you.' And I said, 'John, I love you too, but I can't in that way.' And he said, 'I know'..

So when I see people dancing their asses off, I think of him. And get very sad indeed, and want to cry. It's a short professional life, after all.

JR stayed in touch, we would even talk on the telly-phone occasionally. Until he learned that his meds had given him heart-asthma, and one day.... there was only a disconnected message. He went home, I guess. One way or the other... He would never have left New Yawk.

So yes, guilty pleasures, because other memories just come up and wipe you out emotionally.

Fun stuff, huh?