I am a TERRIBLE person....

I am... I think I told the story of the paper route, with lots of elderly people, and how they would get excited at Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, right? And no one would come?

I would be so angry, and this week, I became one of THEM. The no-shows. I just felt so sick all week. Passing blood, I hardly left the house. A couple of classic asthma attacks, which made me throw up. But it is no EXCUSE, for cripes sake... I was just worn OUT, hey.

Over the past fifteen years, I have done more visiting various hospitals than I wish to count. Or ever would have anticipated. And that is one HARD thing to do over a long period of time.

I got even WORSE. I didn't even CALL the past two days. He doesn't have a stationary phone, and the nurses' station brings him their cell phone, and I have to keep it short. Peter never has much to say, but at least I can gauge how he is by hearing him.... Some days, I don't even want to know....

Yeah, that bad. But at least he is happy to hear me.....

He was really happy to hear me today. And wants to see me tomorrow. So I am REALLY going to have to go there. Because I don't want to be one of 'THEM'.

The thing is... I really, REALLY hate the hospital he is in. I don't like ANY hospitals, but I really despise this one. And I've seen many. Unfortunately.

And... there are things going on in the background. I broke with someone I thought was a long-time friend. Someone who had become a callous, unfeeling person.

The NICE thing about having a 'Venerable' is their philosophical take on things. He knew the person in question. And was a bit shocked about how he changed over the decades. 'Venerables' are invaluable for good advice.

And I felt, gawwd, am I blessed.

And I'm not even religious.

Otherwise, I have been distracting myself with his Soap and mine. Just to avoid looking at reality for a bit, I've NEEDED a break.

Both are hitting dramatic climaxes this week, so it is FUN. Something I nearly forgot the definition of.... We get INTO discussing who's hawt, who's not. He can go into rhapsodies over Samantha and Chloe at his place. Hot.

I get more diffuse. I like EJ, slimy as he is, a very bad boy, and Daniel on his, but I like Blair on my Soap, and think SHE is hot. And James on mine.

I have the feeling I am really confusing him. You would think I am a sneakret bi-sexual, but no way. Gay to stay. Doesn't mean I don't LIKE women....

Ok, am deflecting again. Sorry... I don't like thinking about some things at the moment.

So thank Gawwd---- whoever she is, for Venerables, who play along, and give you just a moment to back away, and not face something that you do not think you can face any more, after a long time of doing just that... facing facts, and all the horrible, terrible things that people can go through.

That is very awesome.