Somebody shoot me...

Am in for a bad day. Peter doesn't know where he is.

'I know where you are, and yes, I will visit, ok? Am coming at one p.m. Do you want anything???'

'No, just come visit.'

'Ok...'

Cripes, what a downer but what do I want hey... it's only the third call this morning...

That's dementia, I guess... forty minute window, and they get frightened and disoriented, and panic.... And if you are half-way rational yourself, you summon up your inner quiet, and try to calm the frightened little boy who is having the nightmare of his life.

Y'know... I really thought I was ready for all of this, I did. Günther gave me the heads up after his stroke three years ago. So I knew...

But hoo boy, when it happens... it hits you with the force of a ton of bricks, because you didn't imagine it 'bad' enough. This is NOT complaining. It bewilders me, it does. Because it is so rapid. It wasn't even five months ago, and we were 'discussing' 'Gawwd and the world.' Proust, Literature, everything imagineable. And now? Hmmm. He isn't even sure which room he is in. Or where.

Which underlines what I was thinking out loud about below. As good as the system is, and it is VERY good... people in his condition shouldn't be shunted about, it confuses them even more than they already are.

And if you are on the sidelines, having to watch... it takes an awful lot to be calm, and calming, it takes some inner courage not to flip out and lash out. And there are days you want to reach the breaking point. But you keep on going on.

I was on FaceBook this morning, answering a message. I usually don't go there, and was 'down'.... Got a bell ring, seemingly there's instant messaging on it. Hadn't known that. It was the inimitable Annti. 'You there?' 'Yup.'

I believe we IM'd for over an hour, and it was very late where she was. We both type fairly fast. So a lot got said. I could 'feel' the concern coming across, y'know, and that did me good. A whole lot of good. And it wasn't tears for fears. It was just very nice, and caring. And got mixed up with some silly stuff.

As in 'DER HAS' (David Hasselhof) is coming to Austria for a reality show with his family, and I 'tried' to explain what the local fascination with him is, and how Fancy Nancy got to see him in Prague as a bonus for being a good Tupperware saleslady, and assumed it wasn't the singing she was interested in. We sort of went off the charts about it, jokingly, and a bunch of other stuff, and how I made a young cashier laugh full out at the grocery store today, but it was like having a bowl of warm soup... comforting. Annti is amazing, and knows me better than anyone else in the world. And about John Banner, Austrian actor, who played Sgt. Schultz in Hogan's heros, and how it was a popular show here. People loved him. But probably for different reasons than you would think.

So.... am good to go right now. Annti got me up for it, and that is a very good thing. Because, going out there every day and watching 'the decline and Fall' was nothing I ever expected. So I have to be thankful yet again... real friends are as rare as hen's teeth. And make you smile and outright laugh when things get dark and muted.