I did a test today.... and it wasn't a nice one

Was over at Peter's, and our friend Doro came over to help me out, because, I am NOT very good with anything any more.

It sort of turned into 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf ' because I am still so angry.

And I was fucking bloody Martha.

And you know what?

He didn't care.

At all.

He gave inane answers.

He just didn't care. Period.

(My heart just literally gave me pain, saying that.... literally.)

Oh, I didn't scream or yell. I didn't.

I just told her a story about what happened recently. Truthfully, but still so fucking angry it was bitter.

Ok, it wasn't a story. It was what happened. She obviously hadn't heard about him signing over the apt. although she and her husband bought the top left one years ago.

She kept giving me the thumbs up sign behind his back.

And then it got uncomfortable, and she left.

I called and apologised for having her subjected to that.

But I wanted to see how far along on the road to dementia he is.

And got an answer from her that I didn't want to hear.

'He never cared. Drop it. He never cared. It was bad enough when you left, but nearly getting you arrested? Walk away, and take care of yourself. We're here for you.'

Werner, who has seen me cry myself to sleep more times than I wish, trying for him not to notice, is far more adamant. 'Throw him away. You deserve so much better.'

My father's immediate reaction was very much like his. Heteros, hmpf...

I think it better not to throw people under the bus. They'll slip under there on their own, you know?

Gawwwd, am I tired at the moment.

There is a lot I am not putting in here, regarding the 'person' who managed to take away everything I had....

So, I guess, after 34 years, I'm going to give notice, final at the end of the month. And what Peter does after that doesn't touch me any more.

Goodness knows... I have done so much over so many decades, much of which wasn't easy... but one day you have to wake up and say 'enough is enough'.

And don't anyone get on my case about stretching it out, hey. I want it to be civil, and he can find someone else to leech onto. But not onto the few friends I have left.

After all that... well, it won't be easy, but it will be right. And it feels 'right' at the moment, so am sure.