Excuse me while I freak completely out for a moment or so..

The past several days, I have had pain, thought it was my ischias nerve, and it was way uncomfortable. I thought it was the changeable weather, or something. The past two days, my left foot began really hurting, and I thought it was from sitting wrongly on my stool in front of the pc, and putting pressure on it.

Today I realised that my leg had swollen to immense proportions against the shin below my calf. And I thought, 'WHAA?' Well, I had to shower anyway, and I don't usually contemplate my body, you know? I get in, clean up, and don't pay attention, because am mostly thinking of something else....

And then I saw my left foot.

And all I could think was 'oh gawwd, oh gawwd, oh Gawwd!'

Yes, freak-out time, all right. I don't know what to do at the moment except vent.

Oh..... and picture that or hear it as in mortally wounded.

I have what I KNOW is a diabetic ulcer just below the third toe about the size of a fifty cent piece, and the skin is gone, and there's white goo on it. It is so gross. To the right of it, lots of blotchy red, oh, aren't I lucky....

How did that happen in three days, huh? Just a question....

And no... I did not do any of the pratfalls that I am famous for, like tripping over sewer covers, or drop anything on it, being the klutz I am, nada. It just 'blossomed'.

My last full check-up was six months ago, and they checked for diabetes, and I was negative. And I am 'infamous' for not liking sweets, or soda pop, or anything that involves sugar. I like salty, or sour tasting things, or sharp.

Whelp, I freaked. I have seen enough of this stuff to send even the bravest people running off into the night, screaming.

If anyone were to tell me I had cancer, or a brain tumor, I think I would feel braver. But I know what this looks like, and it was crushing, because I know absolutely what it will entail.

And the little hamster running around in his wheel it my head is currently asking, 'Why me, why now?' when everything is hanging on a thread....

No one is coming up with an answer... so I guess I will have to see what I can do. I should have checked out of this planet a long time ago, and it wasn't for lack of trying. But if this is what I think it is.....

Oh.... I really do not want to go there.

Things may look better tomorrow, and maybe it isn't what I think it is... but it does look bad.

And I will have to deal with it, like I have had to deal with everything, I guess.

But I am really pissed off.