oh my....

I had an e-mail waiting last nite. Tante Lotte. She said she understood that that Peter can't be here in Graz for her 90th birthday party. She understood my reasons and concerns. And why it can't happen, and then... she asked me if I could be there, and if we could go to Gamlitz beforehand and help her get there.

I really lost it. These past days have been so difficult, hell the past two years, hey... I was completely confounded. Of course I will play tour guide to Gamlitz, that's on the schedule, hey. But being at her party for her ninetieth, as one of the family. Just blew me away.

So am sitting here silently crying. You know, your tear ducts get leaky, and all this salty stuff starts running down your face. It's pretty guesome.

Listen, I had to FIGHT to earn their respect, because there were things that they saw wrongly.

And there were a lot of things.... you have to learn, and fast sometimes. But I never would have thought, Ever, thirty years ago, that I would be accepted or considered part of the family, and there is so much about that, I can't express it at the moment.

I never would have thought.... Cripes, these past two days have done such a number on me emotionally... I am going to sleep for two days, because I can hardly take it any more. Good stuff, bad stuff, and you wonder 'where is the end of the roller-coaster ride, because I want to get off. Like NOW.'

Am sure it will look better later.

But everything was very heavy, and I need a breather. At the moment, I am just overwhelmed, too much going on.