OK... I get to hear three words I don't wanna hear.. Happy Pride, everybody...

And I do not want it, no way, no how.

And YES, I'm fucking grouchy and mean, and the Grinch.

There is a bunch of Bosnians or somewhere like that who partied across the court all night, woke me up at 3 am, and drove me nuts. For starters. I was young once, but every week is a bit much. Weird music, women going Oooh oh oh oh, oh oh, oh OH' half the night. W. slept though it and snored.

And woke up to find me pointing my finger to the noise and saying, 'Bang! Just... Bang!'

So he said, 'Who do you think you are, Charles Bronson?'

And I said, 'Fucking right!. Don't they ever go to bed and SLEEP?'

Whereupon we talked for a while.

Near daybreak, well after that, it comes very early right now, gets light at four a.m., He made a decision to go to his appartment, and get some things. I finally got some shut-eye.

Woke up thinking he wasn't back yet, but he was there, sofa critter, snoring on the cusions.

And it was really really late, so had to get to Peter's, and make his dinner.

W. woke up while I was being hectic. And then he said the three words I did not want to hear. 'I love you.'

Gaaawwwd! (whoever she is) That was not what I wanted to hear at all. Ever.

If I am confusing him, I am NOT doing what I intended. I mean, I have never even touched him, let alone look at him in a lascivious way. Have gone out of my way to give him his privacy, and never EVER thought of him in a sexual context. (Ok, I saw his hiney once when I thought he was elsewhere, and it was embarrassing, and commented on it at the time.) But I have never checked out what Steven Colbert calls his 'joy basket'. Never interested me.
He has always been just a nice friend.

Therefore the utter shock, I tell you, SHOCK, at that statement.

On the other hand, I do not want to know what it cost him to say that. But it fucking freaked me out.

Ok, nice to know. Someone 'lurves' you. Am left fucking spitless, how COULD anyone do that?

All I feel is old and useless.

I really, really do not need more complications in my life, you know?

And especially coming from him, who was always so negative, but I'm the exception to the rule? I don't want to go there.

I've just been trying to get him back on his feet and be self-sufficient.

I thought retirement was supposed to be your quiet time, to reflect on your life, what you thought you achieved, and to study and become even better.

No one ever told me it would just be 'another fine adventure'.

But it was very nice to hear someone tell you they love you on this day of all days, someone who is the same sex.

Confusing? Gawwd...