Just been ruminating.... tja

I let myself get so freaked out yesterday. It was hardly funny.

And I 'talked' to the most wonderful friend I have this morning per mail. And it hit me.

I'm bloody schizoid, hey. No, not a joke, I AM.

Ya know, you get two sets of genes from your 'rents, and you try to make the best of them. Seems to me that my fahter's genes are the good ones, the ones I set my daily compass by. And I have done very well by them, living up to them.

My Mom's genes, the biological one? Those fucking genes are lurkers. And you never know when they are gonna come to the forefront, and they include rage, much rage. Sometimes they have served me well. Sometimes they have damaged me irreparably. I inevitably get ill if they take over. So I normally do not let them out if I can help it.

My Achilles heel is being waken out of a deep sleep. I am the worst person you have ever wanted to meet then. You have to get OUT of my way, and just be silent for an hour, and all will be well. It's my Mom's genes. Once I collect myself, and get ready for the day, my Dad's genes take over, and am your veritable lamb.

Yesterday, I got woken out of a deep sleep. It has been so hot and so humid, that is what I DO I sleep. With the fricken fan on. And I got woken up with this breathless ASS giving me a 'story'. My L genes went way forward. And you know what? He was AFRAID of me. (I am going to have to mark this on a calendar, NO ONE has ever been afraid of me... ever.) And then he went so far as to excuse himself, and HUG me, the ass. That stupid ex-pimp.

I've always been afraid of HIM. Really.

Wow.

Sometimes the L genes are just what you need in life, but they are dangerous.

And what it was REALLY about? I don't visit him to watch him and his wife fight all the time, and get caught in the middle.

But I was over at another neighbor's every day for a week and helped him with his english. The French Foreign Legion guy. So Rudi is jealous because I visit Werner? Gimme a fucking BREAK, hey. Werner is so fucking hetero, they just don't make them like that any more, and I respect it. He doesn't even do that hetero punch in the arm stuff, and yell hey if you have the same idea. He is quiet, and a nice person. Has a quiet sense of humour. He is ok. He brings out my Dad's genes.

And before you get any odd ideas.... he would KILL any guy who would come on to him sexually.

He wasn't joking, and I didn't take it as such. The other day, it was hot as hell up in his attic. I was so uncomfortable, I said., 'Listen, I gotta get rid of this shirt, it's too hot.' Whereupon he put his tee-shirt ON. There wasn't an inkling of anything sexual there, it was just so hot outside.

So I guess I scared the little guy as well.

I HAVE to mark this on my calendar, oh yes...

Ren goes skeery just short of sixty years old and terra-rizes his environment. And grows a beard, because he has nothing ELSE to do. Wow...

Sorry, Dad, sometimes the genes just come to the fore, and sometimes it is good, sometimes not.

Did I tell you I love you today? Sometimes I even 'like' my L genes... Tja...