Odd... was thinking about keys... how strange is that???

W. came by, and picked up some of his things. But left some. He's up north now, and I think it is like insurance that he will see me again, or something. He seems to be doing very well, and that made me very happy.

I needed that.....

And, don't know... keys came to mind. You can get a key to help someone, sometimes you don't have the right key, and they can die. (Which happened once... in a blizzard and it was horrendous.)

Isn't it odd that from the time I began working at 17... I had a mess of keys. To this day. Most people have the key to their house, maybe the garage, and the car keys. I had so many, it is sort of sick. Still do. And used to misplace them a lot. Sometime in the 80's I met John Roberts. And he came back three times, and told me he loved me.

I loved him, but not that way... he was wonderful, however. And he used to do work with the NY City Ballet, and one year he gave me a hanger for my keys.... in brass... which was a memoriam to the late choreographer Jerome Robbins, and it was a print of the ticket to the seat he would have had the night he died. Powerful talisman, hey. So I didn't lose them so easily any more. John died as the result of his heart medicine which gave him heart asthma, and it was a loss.

But there are always the keys, and each means some heavy responsibility. The more you get, the heavier the burden.

Whether it was the cinema, and the key was the combination to the outer and inner safe also keys and a mess of ones that gave access to all sorts of rooms, and I didn't like that much, and my boss would go away for vacation, and the first thing I would do when he returned was say, 'Here's the financial report, check the safes.' And he would say, 'I don't have to. I know everything is in order.' That sort of trust at the age I was..... was overwhelming.

Keys are a burden. And I still have a mess of keys on that brass holder that John Roberts gave me. They all represent some sort of responsibility I have. I would wish right now to give them up, and have just the ones to my appartment and my post box.

So yup, that is strange... maybe symbolic, don't know. Just running amok on the keyboard, hey, but things can be symbols of power, and I have been definitely reading too much Steven King at the moment. (Dark Tower, wish to finish it.)

I guess Freud would say, relinquishing the superfluous keys would be relinquishing power, don't know. But I think that would be true.