I just don't know where to begin...

I don't...

Were you ever in a situation where you had NO control, and thought you might die? My tonsilectomy, ok? Piece of cake, happens every day. EXCEPT... I had the most inexcusably inept disastrously dumb team working on me and it was the most frightening experience of my life.

They used ether back then.

It began ok, breathe in and count from ten backwards. And I was almost gone.... But... I heard the doctors joking, and they said, 'Ok, now let's do it', and I was still conscious. I was in sheer terror. And I couldn't move. You cannot imagine it. Struggling to give just one sign... and I found I could still move the little finger of my right hand... and make it tap and tap... And the anaesthatist said, 'Wait'... and finally put me under.

I later learned I was on the table for over three hours, and had died in the meanwhile, for short moments, because the ass hole doctor had knicked an artery and I nearly bled to death. Now, y'know... everyone has all these wonderful stories about lights in tunnels, and you see wonderful things and want to go back someday when your time comes?

Well, Preciousses.... I must be some very very baaaad creature. I won't go through the whole thing, but it was very weird. And ended up in a place where black was so black, and silence was so deafening, it was terrifying.

Was it Purgatory? I don't know... I was only thirteen years old, for fuck's sake...

I jut don't get the whole religion thing,...