I am really beginning to hate being told I might go blind....

My eye doctor read me the riot act today. Was I taking the eye drops? YES, I fucking DID.

This is not the first time. Ok, the second one. I do take the eye drops, and oh man oh man, how I hate aiming anything at my eyes and let them into them. I find it hard to get used to. Have a fucking HORROR of anything near my eyes.

It makes it difficult for me. But I fucking do it. Water-boarding for the eyes, is the way I feel about it, and no her procedures do not hurt but it is torture for me, seeing this blue-light thing that is gonna press against my eyeball, and measure the pressure while she LOOKS in there...

The problem is coupled with my high blood pressure, and I do take my pills, every morning when I get up. But that was ignored so long, the eye thing went rogue and is acting on its' own. Too much inner pressure, it presses the eye nerve. And if it gets worse it will blind me.

Hedwig, my eye doctor, is a near to retiring, no-nonsense butch lady. She can 'harumph' as no one else can if she thinks you are bullshiting her. And this is NOT a doctor you can bullshit in any way, shape or form. So I do not dare bullshit her. And she can really really lays down the law if she thinks you are doing that, and wouldn't want to see you again.

So I said, 'Look, am under much stress these past weeks.' And counted them off. And said, 'I don't think it did much for my blood pressure, even though I take my pills....'

It was the first time she was friendly to me... in a butch sort of way....

Whatever, am sort of upset. I do not like the fact that what she is prescribing isn't helping as she expects. But it seems that the extra stress hindered what was supposed to be good, you know?

And her reaction was positive... how the world changes....

Damage is there. I could see like a night owl in the middle of the night. Now I have to have at least one light on to find my way around. And am often up in the middle of the night, since I got forced-retired.... It is very odd.

I fucking hate that....

What's the lesson? I don't know.... Get check-ups.

And it didn't cost anything, I already paid for it over and over. But it was worth it. National Health Care! YES.

And oh yes, I do not get billed for that.... I have a co-pay for the drops for three months... about thirty dollars....