Because this new pc has a security thing, and we ALL know how important that is.... Well, am not about to schlepp my thing around and add another few kilos to what I normally carry around, but I thought the feature was cool. Except it is not.
Oh no, it is not.
In order to boot the pc, you have to do a finger swipe. And then it recognises your finger, see? And then it boots.
Maybe.
BUT... and there is always a BUT...
It depends on HOW you swipe it, so it doesn't always recognise your finger, see? So you can spend a half hour tickling the little sensor, and all you get is 'X' Nope, don't know you... And you are sitting there yelling, 'But it is MY FINGER, damn it, gol ram it! Are you stoopid, or WHAT?' (That is the abbreviated version....)
Good, if you are in a business where you have to lug it around all the time, I can see that it is a security thing. Mine mostly sits at home. But I thought it was 'cool'. Riiiggghhhht..
And the next thing was, that when I was installing it, it never asked me for a password in case it failed. So I get three tries, and then it asks me for a password I never entered. And Vista is so awful, I keep getting hung up on the sensor, and fondling it like a teenager on his first date at a drive-in movie in the car his parents lent him. This is a BAD feeling, btw....
Because you do not know what you are DOING.
('What's the magic finger move, hey?')
AAANND... I used the wrong finger. The one that can get damaged if I am cooking. You can guess....
And oh yes, I used the WRONG finger....
Advenvtures in Vista-vision II
I fucking HATE Microshit at this point....
On crack cocaine, I knew it.....
I hates, them, Preciousses. NEVER has anyone developed anything so dastardly than Vista.
My brand new computer crashed TWICE today. I was trying to organise some music I downloaded from a neighbor? CRASH! and I lost it all. It just kept replifying till I suddenly had 14 Gigabytes of the same music. Super.... not. It was just a drag and drop operation, and getting rid of doubles.... you would think.
Then I was organising some other stuff... And the screen went black, and all that was left was the calendar and the clock on the right hand side of the screen.
And I couldn't go backward or forward with the damned thing.
So I turned it off.... and it kept coming BACK, just like Dracula.
I was turning the air blue with dreadful curses....
Obviously, I got it back up, the fool thing....
And I have to take my new baby to the clinic tomorrow. Obviously. As he isn't functioning correctly.... Gawwd...
Probably measles. Or chicken pox.... Hopefully not scarlet fever....
That is gallow humour, btw....
Being ripped off in this manner really pisses me off!
It's not like I can go out and buy one every day, you know?
This can be funny.... or not.....
I spoke with my father this evening....
Per instant messanger, ooohhh.. He looks wonderful for his age. Nope not gonna tell, but he is young in his head.
I hope that happens to me......
So why the FUCK do I get so upset, huh?
He had his cam on and I still can't activate mine.... Whatever. It was wonderful to see him.
I was sort of snarky, and made him laugh.
And that was nice. Especially to see his immediate reaction on the screen...
But when it comes to the important things at this moment..... like gay rights, or the MILK film, or things that interes me..... well I used to do oysters, and opening them is such a trial, you can go bullshit batshit crazy if you don't have the utensils......
He turns his head away, and tries to thing of something else, looked like....
And changed the subject. We talked about EVERYTHING else, but boy, THAT?
I can understand that he is of an age where 'you just don't talk about IT.' But am his son. And love him. And that was difficult.... forever.
I know he accepts me. Mostly.
But never will fully....
That is pretty sad when you get pushing sixty.
And no, I don't expect miracles......
Just some respect, and he does, mostly.....
How many times can you reach out and be hurt?
I expect many people know....
And the others will never know what they wrought.
Ugh... I bloody HATE winter
Walked out the door this morning to see this outside my door. And notice how lousy they are at clearing the walks in the park on the way to Peter's house. You need spikes.
(sigh) Much too early. And am in one of my 'I didn't come 4000 miles for this moods... Go figure...
Is THIS the War on Christmas?
Black Friday never used to exist when I lived in the States. But all I can think of is the Seventies film, 'They Shoot Horses, Don't They?' It was about the Depression, and marathon dances, and everything rigged against the contestants. How pitiful IS it when people get trampled to death, suffer miscarriages, just to get hold of some 'brass ring'? My gawwd, how fucking pitiful. Link in the title.....
Attaturk has a lot more to say! Wow.
Oh.My.Gawwd
Chris 'Tweety' Man-Love Matthews of Hardball is going to run for Senate? Words fail.... This is going to give me nightmares for months.
Ok, now I can be thankful
I just saw two youtube vids of what the Obamas are doing. Sure it's a video op, photo op, etc.
But it wasn't hoked up.
Whatever, after going out and giving the poor food to eat for Thanksgiving, seemingly there was a school across the way, and he did a spontaneous visit to grade schoolers. He was so loose and relaxed with them, it was moving to watch.
I guess I have a thin skin nowadays, because tears just kept running silently down my cheeks. How wonderful.
So yes. I want to see the shit go away where my step-sister got called on the carpet at school and had to hear 'I don't know how to react to you, because sometimes you act like a white person, and sometimes like a Black'.
And after all the regimes of the last decades, the audacity, the courage to go out in front of thousands of people is overwhelming to me.
I never thought I would see that again. EVER.
So am thankful.
Can we get back to normal now?
Happy Gorge Day...
Thanksgiving lost it's charm for me seven years ago, as some know....
I spent mine making a little soup, and surfing news.
And listening to a little Brian Ferry, whom a neighbor of mine turned me on to this summer.....
Long story. But I like the music.
My upper wisdom tooth fell out two days ago, and the place where it was is tender. So soup is good......
And I sometimes wonder.... when am I going to relax and not crunch my teeth in my sleep?
Oh well, everyone is concentrating on family, and turkey, and India is seemingly in turmoil. Pass the cranberry sauce....
Update: read so many horror stories about that yesterday and today.... awful. My favorite was from an ex-pat Ami who for the past few years has told his Rethug family that he can't be there because he is on a no-fly list, even though he isn't. Black sheep of the family, you know.... Loved it.
Adventures in Vista-vision.... not
Am having a bad day. As much as I try, I can't get my built-in cam to work, so I went out and bought an external cam. Oooo. Vista crashed twice, and I was so stoopid, I had thought it neat when I was setting the verflixte computer up, I activated a thing that only lets you start it if you get a fingerprint id. So you swipe your finger over a sensor and it starts. YOU Think! So there I was fondling the bloody sensor like a high school kid who got to touch a first nipple not his own.
Yes, I know, eeeewwww...
And the bloody thing didn't LIKE my finger. It wasn't even the middle one....
And I thought it had been installed, but it told me to do it again... and again...
Drove me fucking bat-shit crazy.
I've rarely been so disappointed with anything I paid so MUCH for. I could just spit.
Can't wait to see what other surprises Vista has in store for me. Way to go, Microshit. Get off the crack-cocaine, hey, and do something good for a change.
Sometimes Christmas presents come early...
The lady with the adam's apple we all love to hate broke her jaw and got her Mouf wired shut.
This is the definition of Schadenfreude.
I was so sick of the hate being spewed out of her 'JAWS'. And the people who enabled her. May she have a long recovery, and read something that changes her world-view. And I guess am not alone in my reaction, after reading the initial reactions. Link in the title.
Oh, puleez!!! News? I think not....
The US telecoms spied on Tony Blair. I thought hokay....
WHEN the fuck is the WORLD gonna get a fucking grip on themselves and realise that they' ve been doing it for fucking DECADES?
Is it a generational thing and everyone goes surprised????
WHAT?
You will have to excuse am PTD... post testosterone deprived. It happens, believe me.
The Kids are all right... yup...
This just came up in Americablog, and about Prop 8. Yale University students putting a very logical spin to it. This was a very good thing. Link in the title.
Sometimes life imitates art.....
And I do NOT know if this is supposed to be a parody. Seemingly NOT.
And it fucking freaks me out and is all over the nets.
It is lifted from a Hollywood film, you see, a cult one. Donnie Darko. He gets into a parallel universe. And there is this pederast teacher, Patrick Swazy plays him creepily, who is sort of a guru, and help person. And in the film, the kids are watching the testimonials to him, on a video before beginning the course.
I would put my hand in a fire if that isn't the EXACT SAME weird thing in Donnie Darko. It made my non-existant hairs stand up on end and gave me the shivers.
Okay, I LIKE sci-fi. But this is really the pits. 'Thank you, Sarah Palin!' And whoever made this piece of shit should get his ass sued off for everything he or she has. The author got ripped off in the worst possible way.
It is so creepy, you want to crawl in a hole.
And I got it from my esteemed TRex Am not sure whether he ever saw the film, but it is something else. And not the first time he has referenced the film, so I think maybe he did. But this is DEFiNITELY frightening for me.
This is so skin-crawling creepy, you want to go under the bed.
And probably will.... for today.
Sometimes the intertubes cheer me immensely...
I got the link to this at Crooks and Liars, and hadn't heard of a duo named Paul and Storm before. But the reference to a pay-for-view nun fight made me curious, of course. It had me in hysterics.
Enjoy the fun....
Today is the first day of the week before Advent....
and there is trouble in Paradise.
What might have been a family....
Oh well, for a couple of days now, off the charts for disharmony.
And hysteria.
I didn't know that women can be so shrill. If they go into rage mode... oh gawwd, am glad I am gay. Oh.... was an unwilling 'ear witness' and about to go out and try to fix things. Uh-uh.
Sad...
Merry fucking Christmas in advance
Update: Oh.... and there is what seems to have been a new LED tee-vee in the courtyard, and glass shards. Broken... Eeeewwww...
This summed it up, Was thinking about it. Only I thought it would be sappy after so long...
It is exactly, absolutely exactly how I experienced that. The shock, the fear, and man did they put the fear into us. Jeebus, 45 years... Only I was in fifth grade. But it was the same. Probably the only difference was that I saw him personally, and experienced the hope. It was tremendous. And a lot more died that day.....
And the world went sad.....
The link is in the title.
My tee-vee just showed me something I have a hard time with.
Which is why I rarely turn it on. Cam footage of some young man who commits suicide in a chat room, and no one intervened.
That is so fucking sad, you could just jump out of winder yourself.
'They thought it was a hoax.' Uh-huh....
I was so disgusted, I nearly threw up.
Then I turned the fucking thing OFF.
Nice world we live in....
And because we all have nothing BETTER to do...
The General found out via a bot quiz that he isn't 110% heterosexual and manly. This upset him muchly. I always have wanted to emulate this wonderful man, so I took my computer to the cellar, oiled myself up and put on some gladiator oriented clothing and looked fiercely into the mirror. ( Yes, I have a full length mirror down there so I can grimace into it to make myself brave while typing and fighting the division wars on the keyboard. I didn't bring the Cheetos... it would have messed up the goo.) And then I took a deep breath and followed the link, and bravely typed in the name of my blog.
You can see the results here. Now I know I will never achieve his greatness and manliness. I'm FIVE points behind!!!! And he is the ultimate, as we all know, and have come to appreciate. I'm so ashamed.... I guess I will have to work on myself. Now to get back to the Cheetos.....
Update: James Wolcott of Vanity Fair is MACHO. Be still, my beating heart. Oooooo....
The world is going to wrack and ruin... but we get all joyous over puppy cam.... shoot me
the link is in the title, and 15 thousand plus people had nothing better to do than watch the critters. At 3:30 in the a.m. Uh-HUH.... And seemingly the site went viral, everyone cooed and slobbered, and... I could just throw up. I'd rather see Palin bloviating in front of turkeys being slaughtered. That was at least ironic, even if she didn't know it.
And this is funny as well....
If the Mormons have a thing about 'converting' dead Holocaust victims, well, after being totally fucked over by them and their ilk, why shouldn't WE convert dead straight people as having been gay. As if we didn't have anything ELSE to do....
Link in the title.
And you can't make this shit up.....
Sarah Palin pardons a turkey while others are being slaughtered right in camera range. Sick.
Happy Thanksgiving.... Remind me never to fly to Alaska. Link in the title.
Just to get the bad taste out of my mouth....
Two weeks ago they started putting up the Advent stuff on the main square. It gets earlier and earlier. And the tree is shit again.
But wtf, it is Advent, right?
As if there were anything to spend.. Right.
Cheerful, cheerful, merry merry.... fuck it. As my grandfather used to say....
Now that I have thrown up... I feel a little better. And I HATE throwing up.
Yes, it was one of those days. The ones you feel like you are in a living nightmare designed by Steven King and Salvidor Dali, you know the film where someone gets a knife in the eye.80
Yeah, it sort of felt like that.
I spent all morning dealing with social workers, fucked up idiots who do not do the right thing, and a Bosnian Serb whom I hate to death.
That is the equivalent of drinking a whole bottle of Absolut Vodka, 80 per cent, and waking up somewhere you had never been before.
(And no, am not about to do it... again. Just sayin, it is the equivalent of.... Isn't it nice to have an 80 per-cent memory?????)
As it was, just came home and threw up. Nothing new.
Today, I was looked at sort of oddly. Because of my fear of flying.
No, I do longer like to fly in a jet. Or anything.
Flying nowadays fucking petrifies me. But it wasn't always like that.
So am not a wuss.
When I was young, I LOVED flying. Which is why I joined the Civil Air Patrol. Twice a year, they took you flying. In C-42's if I remember correctly. A cargo plane with two doors in the back near the tail, and stretchers to sit on on the sides. And you got a parachute. And a lecture.
'That THING on your pack is a parachute. If anything should happen, one bell will ring, and you WILL bend over and put your head between your legs. (yawn) If TWO bells ring, you will proceed to the doors in back, which will be open, and WAIT for your commanding officer to count to three. Whereupon you will STEP off the plane like stepping off a step. Got it? NOW, when you step off, you will count to three. Not onetwothree. Slowly. Otherwise it will open too soon and you will get caught in the tail of the plane, and go down with it. SLOWLY. And THEN you will pull the handle on the left side of you and the parachute will open. GOT it? If it doesn't open, not to worry, we will give you a new one when you hit the ground. As to landing: you let yourself go limp, and roll. If you do not, you will ram your leg bones right through your head. So let's get on with it.'
Man, I wanted to jump. And my best friend at that time wanted to try it too. And we figured out that those planes were such turkeys, the SECOND flight was the one where we might be able to have our chance. Mostly one of the engines caught fire, and we had to assume the position and land with the fire engines chasing us down the runway.
But ONE day, another engine caught fire... we got two bells. Oh joy. I was first at the door. It was open, and we were over Massachusetts, somewhere. It was so surreal looking at all the tiny boxes down there. I was so READY and overjoyed, and the count started, 'One... Two...' And then the fucking bell rang again and we were forced to go back to the benches and put our heads between our legs, with the fire engines chasing us down the run-way. Man, was I pissed off.
So no, am not a wuss.
My fear of flying came from a charter flight that was from Austria to New York, and then Delta to Manchester in 1973. Teh horror.... It was one of the newer planes with the jet engines near the tail. The pilot made everyone come up front before take off. For balance, he said, because the plane wasn't full. And that we would crash otherwise. And then there was a long time circling over Switzerland, because he said we would otherwise collide with another plane. And after ten hours of having to take that sadistic asshole's comments, we had to circle New York with the same threats. And I would have chalked it up to the sadistic asshole flying the plane, and not thought much about it.
Other than to remind myself never to fly charter again.
But then came DELTA. To NH. With a stop in the middle. When it took off, one of the engines backfired, and I knew from my time in CAP that we were in trouble. The weather had been calm, but we were bouncing around like waste on the seaside. THAT was when I learned to be afraid of flying. We landed very roughly somewhere in Massachusetts. I wanted to get off, but hadn't any money to even take a bus left. So I stayed on. The second leg was so bad... well, I never saw stewardesses turn a peculiar shade of green before. But we got to the destination, obviously, and I wanted to kiss the ground. After the plane having hop-scotched across the runway three times in landing.
Next day I saw that that same plane crashed in Boston, killing eighty-some-odd people.
And SINCE then, Preciousses... flying frightens me to death.
Oh, I have flown, several trans-atlantic flights. But I hardly think I would do it again. The last one was the pits. Even on Lufthansa, and they used to be wonderful. And even let myself be talked into flying Alitalia to Sicily via Rome. The cockpit had just a curtain between the first class and the pilot. ooo. That was before 9/11, but way after terrorist things were happening there.
So, 'wha HAPPENED?, huh?'
No, I don't think I'm a wuss.
But it got so bad, that I grab the arm-rests and am fully of the belief that my will is the only thing holding it up in the air.
And YES, I know better....
What happened to the kid who would have been HAPPY to jump out a plane with a parachute, hey?
I guess we just get old and skeered.
Just when you think you are ok, you are so NOT
Have just been through one of the most trying days of my life.
Dealing with social service people, and Bosnian Serbs, and worrying so much about what I should be doing, that I got emotionally flattened. And there are those who would say, 'Told'ja.' And for all the worrying and concerns I have, I had to learn I am DUMB. Or not thinking very well these days...
Which means I am still off the charts for 'reeling'. Oh yes, Preciousses.... Reeling.
Whatever ELSE reaction can you have when you put in fourteen months work jousting at windmills, finally find the real dragon, have it on the ground, and Sancho Panza trips your horse just before you finally hit one?
Some things are so unsettling, I just do not know what to do.
Where are my Proposition 8 rights? Because I know somebody who belongs in a home. Because I can't do it any more. Because it is draining me of any energy I used to have, and I'm not a fucking Duracell battery.
Re-charge, anyone?
Am under the weather....
So am not really up to being half-way rational.
Tomorrow is going to be the pits.
Last nite I was sleeping, and so tensed, I clenched. Again. So hard that I broke off a part of my back right side wisdom toof.
So I was up all night.
You can't imagine how painful that can be and it isn't the first time it has happened. If I go into stress, I clench. Hard enough to wake up yelling.
And I didn't have a pill or anything in the house to make it STOP.
And with all the rest of the stuff ahead of me this week... well, I just didn't have the heart to go and get involved.
The news that Peter's paternal grandfather is coming here after never having recognised him after all his life really set me off.
What is the motive? Does he want to set himself right with God, whoever she is?
It upset me.
And then I grind my teeth to powder.
And there is so much other stuff, and MY stuff... I went comatose.
Gawwd, it is only 4 pm and it is getting dark. I hate November and December in this latitude, longitude. Depressing.
For those of you who don't visit Annti's Site...
and you really SHOULD, I just introduced someone you should see. A very successful lady from Massachusetts. Gayle Tufts. She married a man from Bremen, and is a stand-up comedienne, singer, and can be wildly funny. After seeing her on German tee-vee this morning, I thought it would be nice to show you this remarkably talented woman. One of her cracks today was that Gayle is a Gaelic name, and the Germans don't know how to pronounce it, and it usually comes out 'Geil', which means 'hot' or 'horny', depending upon how you mean it.
She has lived in Germany for 17 years now, and invented 'Dinglisch', a wild mix of US English and Deutsch. So take a look at this wonder-werk, to use Dinglisch, and I think you will get it. And she talks like that in real life, I have heard, btw. It's about how she loves the German language, and especially the diminuitives, and especially the word 'treasure', or better said, 'precious, gives the variations on how that can sound in the development of a relationship, makes fun of the Germans for always complaining when they are abroad that they can't find a decent sort of bread, and then tops it off with an apology song to Germany. That is in English. Mostly. So if you have broadband, or DSL, or whatever the fuck they call it there, meet someone very talented and nice who is a very big success. And I know, it's not really political, but the song is. Enjoy.
And again we are having these reports
Just what IS it with these loser religious nuts?
First you can't receive communion and be a cannibal if you voted for Obama, and now they want to get your car towed away if you have Obama stickers on your car in the church parking lot?
I have heard about melt-downs, but woah! This is ridiculous.
And am not going to apologise for the cannibal crack. What IS it with those people, making you believe you're EATING Jeebus, anyway? I understood the concept, but it always made me want to throw up in my mouth a little....
Mensch, this is gonna be a 'fun' four years.... but probably not if it starts out this way..... Link in the title.
WHY are we still having this discussion with bigots?
Tax the fucking churches. Tax them. As soon as they interfere in normal daily politics.
Because all I got out of them was hate, and seeing the hateful things they do to people who aren't their particular breed of Zombie. The sort I got stuck with gave us a message of hate from the day one. 'Only Catholics go to heaven.'
And I thought, 'WHAA? All my friends are Protestants, so if THAT is the case, I would rather be in hell with them and have a good time.' (When you are eight years old, you aren't exactly logical...)
I guess I was lucky to escape the pederasts, and the twisted types.
The whole organisation, and it IS a business, has a lot to answer for in my book.
All they do is guilt-trip people instead of comforting them, and hold out their hand for money that would better be spent on feeding oneselves.
And now, some ASS wants to forbid those of his congregation to take communion if they voted for Obama?? Will the REAL God come in and help us here, whoever she is?
And the real irony here is that SOME people are gonna have bad feelings if they do it anyway.
I know that too well.
There used to be this 'thing' called separation of church and state.' Well, they have been increasingly bold in breaking it, so make the punishment fit the crime.
Tax them to the max, and tell them to retire to the corner of their cells and meditate on the havoc they create, and then repent.
And make them real beggars again.
End of Sermon
Oh fabjulous joy.... a new pc can be so nice.
When it does what you want....
My Dad at 93 decided to telephone me via Yahoo Messenger. We didn't get the cams working, but we talked for over ninety minutes for nearly nothing.
And that was wonderful.
Sometimes technical things can be grand.
Except he got interrupted with someones at the door. Jehovah Witnesses, or worse, Mormons.
Am not sure...
And he said he lets them in because sometimes he feels lonely and just lets them talk.
And then I told him about HIS father, and what he thought of religion.
Whatever, it upset me.
And I can't go back....
I really hate it when Annti is right....
Just click on the title and watch the vid.
It isn't so much that I am surprised.... Am just speechless that the Mormons wouldn't see through the fact that they were being used. That doesn't make them .... errm very bright in my world, but who knows what they thought. Or what they received for it.
Some days... are irritating....
Have barely made myself familiar with my new pc.... and WHAAAA???
Everything STOPS in the middle of a download, and then the bloody cell phone goes off... Where I get to hear that my phone isn't working, and I thought, 'Bullshit!'
So I pick up the receiver, and there's a dial tone, and said, 'Hey, Alzheimer's is just waiting around the corner, my friend. I have a live connection.' So I wanted to call back to prove he mis-dialled, and... oops. Nada. And the lights in the modem were all wrong. (Yeah, my bed-sitter looks like a fucking airport.... green and red lights all over the place.)
So you know, I did all the geek things.... My modem is a double thing that lets me make a phone call and use the internets at the same time. An ungainly sort of thing.... but ok and functuonal. So you turn it off and wait a few minutes and then turn it on so that it can re-initiate. Nada. Tried again. Absolutely nothing. Then I took out all the USB plugs, and cleaned them, and put them back in where they should go. No.
And thought, ok, it's probably kaputt. Great. Two weeks of going through customer non-service till I get a new one and no internets. I was pissed off. Tried it one last time, juice off, juice on, and it just sat there winking at me like Sarah Palin at a rally.
And I thought, 'Why NOW, with so many other things pending? Gawwwwd.'
So I was doing other things with the pc, and really in a funk, when.... the bloody phone rang. Turns out to have been the post office and the telecom lines. They were off for over two hours.
Just when you think you're a blithering idiot and did something WRONG, and wrecked your computer, turns out it was totally something beyond your control. The pitiful thing is that you always end up blaming yourself before considering that the problem may be somewhere else, and not yours at all....
The gift that keeps on giving....
QUOTE OF THE DAY
{Posted in Quote of the Day, Sarah Palin on November 12th, 2008 by Scott }"My concern has been the atrocities there in Darfur and the relevance to me with that issue as we spoke about Africa and some of the countries there that were kind of the people succumbing to the dictators and the corruption of some collapsed governments on the continent, the relevance was Alaska's investment in Darfur with some of our permanent fund dollars. Never, ever did I talk about, well, gee, is it a country or a continent, I just don't know about this issue."
Sarah Palin — Because I just can't get enough of her and I pray every day that the republicans anoint this crazy, no nothing, flat earth bitch as their standard bearer.
She can spend the next four years taking lessons 24/7 on geopolitics from the best and the brightest and she'll never be able to book learn herself away from her true nature and what she really is at heart — a thug.
Scott really finds the good things....
Whelp, I was fucking warned....
What the hell is going on in the background, that Obama tries to save Joe Lie-berman? Doesn't make sense. Joe the back-stabber is my version of the original Uriah Heep, the Dickens version.
EWWWWW.
What the fuck is he thinking of?
Yes, I know, I did promise to leave Sondheim alone, but how did he anticipate Sarah Palin?
And the media infatuation with her?
Because she's 'Lovely'.
Who woulda thunk it?
Entwarnung.... Orange Alert gone back to green...
Nothing is more disconcerting when you miss a doctor's appointment, and then they call you at home and get on your ass to come in because 'it's important'. Which gave me a weekend of worry... Seemingly, my doctor was worried.
The inner pressure in my eyes was at a dangerous level. She said. And the veins very constricted, which had been affecting my night vision especially.
All due to high blood pressure..... swell. (I wonder where I got THAT, hey...????)
So I got drops, and new meds. That was four weeks ago. So today I had to do the pressure thing again today. The procedure drives me absolutely paranoid. You get drops, and then have to look straight ahead while this THING with a blue light approaches your eye, till it touches it.
It only takes a minute, but is an eternity for me.
But this time, the pressure was ok, and was much better. So I still have to do the drops. And march over for a check in February. I hate drops. I hate anything touching my eyes. But I guess I will have to, so I don't get a fit of apoplexy or a stroke, I guess....
Still it is a relief.
Oooo I want to know what he's drinking... so I don't catch it.
The Importance of Being Earnest
John Hinderacker, arguably the most influential conservative blogger in the country ...
Obama thinks he is a good talker, but he is often undisciplined when he speaks. He needs to understand that as President, his words will be scrutinized and will have impact whether he intends it or not. In this regard, President Bush is an excellent model; Obama should take a lesson from his example. Bush never gets sloppy when he is speaking publicly. He chooses his words with care and precision, which is why his style sometimes seems halting. In the eight years he has been President, it is remarkable how few gaffes or verbal blunders he has committed. If Obama doesn't raise his standards, he will exceed Bush's total before he is inaugurated.
At the feet of masters.
--Josh Marshall
Every day a little death... every day a little sigh.... It is Monday, so whaddaya want hey.... And ))))November((((
Where you would mostly just like to jump off this bridge and get it over with.
The fog was lifting, and autumn is coming to a close. Every day a little death.... every day a little sigh... and soon everything will be gone and the trees look like brooms. Sticks. Whatever.
No, am not being all that morbid. I did NOT have a nice weekend. And some of the above is also from Steven Sondheim. I got extremely disappointed.
Trust is something I used to naturally have for my fellow travellers on this planet.
When you implicitly trust someone, and they break that, in whatever way whichever, it bloody hurts you right to the core of your being. Today I was disappointed even more. Because someone I trusted didn't have the brass ovaries to talk to me directly, and decided to 'help' by making an anonymous phone call which caused much havoc, but was 'OH GAWWD, so well meant.' Yes, right. Uh-HUH, that is SO fucking 'Christian' and 'brave'. NOT. That is cowardly.
I never EVER go into real details on personal things on my blog. Usually. But this time.... it's a perfect little death.... and you never feel a thing.... it's a perfect little death.
You know... people have their private things, and it is between them. I would never have thought in my angriest moments to interfere or run my mouf' as to what they did as long as they leave me/us alone. For anyone to just come by every twelve weeks and wrinkle their nose at what they perceive doesn't give them the knowledge or right to 'judge'.
Tja, you 'trust'. Right. And whomever doesn't have the fucking slightest idea about what is going on, and if they don't really talk to you, they surmise things that are false. And act wrongly. And I believe I know now. 'Ladies who protest too much'. Christ, it's no wonder I am gay.
Well, you 'meant well'. Isn't that what every busybody who hasn't got a life does?
And the anonymous phone call part? When did the STASI invade Austria, just asking?
I have enough on my hands without your interference, whoever you are. And I think I know.... otherwise, I wouldn't have hits on my site from a certain city, ten times in the past 36 hours. Brava. Fucking NOT!
Find something constructive to do, hey.
As above, I have enough to handle without interference from people who haven't the guts to TALK to me, and go sneaking around behind our backs.
Oh, and did I mention? Today was the 'HAMMER' in every sense of the word, and I died a little inside.
So congratulations, you are all really so fucking Xtian. And cowards.
Anonymous phone calls indeed! How brave.
You should be so proud of yourselves.
I saved the clip from the title above and it will be in the post below this. Listen closely to the text. And no, won't be posting anything from Sondheim soon. But listen. Closely.
And think about your own situation, and leave me alone.
My last word on marriage.....
Carol Burnett just kills me.
And the gay version.... Marry me a little... Says it all.
'Home'
Recently, have been ruminating on that word. It is a concept that everyone has their own definition for, I believe.
First of all, my dearest friend wrote, 'It is time you came home.'
And I thought, 'Where is that????' And I answered facetiously, 'I already AM at home.' And that is true enough.... It feels like home to me where I am...
But seeing the interview on the internets with Dr. Maja Angelou brought back some very intense memories of helping someone with a dissertation, she was one of the subjects, and it was about concepts of 'home'.
Is it where you feel accepted, and most comfortable, the place where you understand all the traditions and are ok with them? Then yes, I feel I am in my home. Some of the people in that dissertation spent an awful lot of time, searching for their heritage in Africa, or the Caribbean, and took a very long time to declare any one place their 'home'.
And no, am not going to give anyone an answer to something I find unanswerable. Oh we had some very long discussions on that topic, I remember. And they were very nice and opened up some things for me that I had just given up on, or surpressed.
Except that my gut reaction to my friend's question frightened me. People where I grew up can constitute 'home', because I love them. But the overall experience growing up where I did? It was never 'home' for as long as I can remember back. And as early as I found out there were other places in the world, I wanted nothing more than to leave. And then I did. It was no easy decision and I spent a very long time reaching it.
So maybe we have a sort-of definition of what 'home' is in the above. I went out and adopted a home for myself. It isn't perfect, there can be bad-guys just as anywhere else. But there is a difference between places where you are tolerated at the very best, and never really accepted, or places where you are mostly accepted as the person you are and almost never have to feel hurt or afraid.
And if the latter, it becomes 'home'. Where you feel right in your skin, and mostly happy. What more could one ask for....
And yes, it isn't all as easy as I am describing it. It means working very hard to understand a new place and culture, and learn to appreciate them fully. And I think most of the time, I have.
Anyone wish to embroider on this, or explain another view of it? Comments always welcome....
Oh yes, the photo was shot about two hours ago. I love the light in the autumn.
There is one word I can't seem to hear..... The 'poor' So here we go again....
Castes. as in India.
And the 'poor' are the Untouchables, or what? Obviously you have been a lot of things, but never 'poor'... Uh-huh. What a treat for us all.
And the middle class are the ones who have to be saved. ok, makes sense, they are the backbone of the country, but leaving everyone else out? I haven't heard one word till now..
Just because HE had some luck doesn't mean that people in other circumstances wouldn't be able to contribute.... or be left out.
That was so fucking disappointing...
Since it is a grey, grey, day, as we usually have in November....
There were a bunch of sparrows at the top of a tree I spotted the other day, and the sky was blue for a change, and the sparrows were acting sort of crazy. Hopping and landing, hopping and landing, as children do when you find out that the bed can be a trampoline, or something of the sort. Or the tree has something in it that makes them think it is marijuana, or something. I should have done a video of it. They were very amusing, and made me smile. Things seldom make me smile of late.
Although Obama did when I saw his presser this morning. I have to hand it to him. Everything sombre, and then this idjit reporter pantingly wants to know what kind of dog he is planning to get his girls. The reply was polite on the surface, but it was a real slap-down with a zinger.
He was purely classy in doing so. And I smiled broadly, and thought, oh... this guy isn't going to suffer any fools. I hope reporters in the press pool got the lesson: 'don't ask stupid questions where so much important stuff is being discussed, or you are going to get relegated to the kid's table next Thanksgiving.' That made me hop inside like the little guy in the upper left part of the photo.
Good on him.... yup. And classy.
Gawwd, please make it stop... ....
I have tried... really tried so fucking hard to make my life decent.
Really, and then I get dragged through the mud.
I don't like getting dragged through the mud. Funny, huh?
I am really off the charts for indignant at the moment.
And waiting for a reply from the lady upstairs, who is an example of how not to be a mother, in my book.
BUT.... She has had the unmitigated GALL to call the social services version of 911.
And I thought Sarah Palin was back in Alaska, where she belongs....
'But what went down today was really going into the pits. And is similar to my previous post.
Where the Fuck hell do people get off making desicions over my head, hey.
If I live with someone, we have to make choices, and it is OUR business.
Thank you all for the main vote. As to the fucking Mormons.... I hope you rot in a Hell that you never imagined.
Why the fuck is it... that every November....
I get a hammer of a bit of news that drives me up the wall.
The social service people called Peter today, and his neighbors had contacted them, saying he was not capable of taking care of himself or his life anymore.
Monday is going to be very ugly. Just took my blood pressure, and it is ok, but my pulse is 101 and climbing.
Am so pissed off I could spit.
The Mormons eated our rights....
to paraphrase Atrios.....
So Proposition 8 won in CA. What a contradiction in terms, hey. America voted for a president who is kinda-sorta brown, but they gave gay people the shaft. Talk about mixed signals from the Murkin' people.
I haven't sounded off on this subject, because it wasn't all that important to me.
'Marriage'? Give me a break. Civil unions to be recognised? Maybe. I respect people's wishes to be recognised under the law and have the same rights and responsibilities as every one else has, as a matter of course.
But on the same note, I would wish that people who live together for over seven years get the same advantages as married couples do, no matter what the constellation of their union. And that includes normal het arrangements.
We alll enter into relationships, and the least of them are really good. We all stumble and fall, sometimes. But we do it.
Life is an adventure, after all....
I've been made to feel that denigration all of my life, even when it was an unconcious predjudice. And am so grateful I live where I do. And feel very disappointed that Proposition 8 in CA passed.
Hate is still very alive, and well and living in 'Murika.
But without me......
Maja Angelou said, 'Oh, we've grown up'. Well there is a long way to go.
I stole this link from one of my favorite bloggers....
It's Maya Angelou. I helped a co-worker do a dissertation while she was finishing university here, and she was one of the main figures in it. And had never heard of her up until then. She is an American poet. It was fun to help my co-worker, and I learned a lot. To see her in the clip embedded in the title..... was amazing.
And extremely moving....
My colleague came so close to getting a Fullbright scholarship for that, it was crushing for me. She did the work, I just gave the impetus..... and did a bit of cosmetic surgery that was not worth mentioning. We had some wonderful discussions. One of the nicest people I ever met.
So go take a look at who inspired her. It isn't long and is very moving.
Sometimes I forget how nice it is to have friends whom you can react to live and in living color....
Life is so bloody odd.
And some people can be so wonderful they can pull you out of an eight month funk, and delight you and make you feel alive again, just because they are there.
My friend is like that. We met a couple of decades ago. We are both the same astrological sign, which doesn't mean much, actually, but there was this marvelous connection.
I guess we have been trying to age like a good wine over the decades, but oh well, we do try, hey.... And it is always about the true caring and genuine LIKE that has cemented a sort of friendship.
Every year about this time, I know I am going to have a wonderful time, just talking, and above all, listening.
He is truly remarkable in every sense of the word, and we CAN talk about everything.
So thank you, David. And I wasn't too close, you director, you.... (smile)
And oh wow, nothing like an unwanted phone call...
My eye specialist's office.
Reminding me to keep my new appointment. 'It is very important.'
Now, THAT bodes no good.... It means that something is wrong, even though the cataract hasn't developed more, because I stay out of the sun....
Yeah, Dracula, that's me... But not... because I have so much trouble seeing in the twilight and the dark.
It is high blood pressure related. Seemingly...
She plays her cards close to her chest, but I hardly like hearing that.
Even tho' my blood pressure is down, it isn't down enough... which is affecting my vision.
Well, don't care, am off to see one of my most favorite people in the world. And it is a once a year opportunity, because he is only in Graz that often. A British actor who is funny, intelligent, and whom I have known for decades.
So will try to be Scarlett, and 'think about it tomorrow', as if there was something I could DO meanwhile....
But am worried.
oh, wow... how sad....
I missed the news about the passing of Studs Terkel.
He was amazing, and did oral histories. Taped people, and wove it into wonderful insights into epochs, and just amazing.
He was over ninety, and very sharp and funny. The title in the link is wonderful, but only if you have a fast link and can spare an hour to see that remarkable, funny, and compassionate man.
Just look.... if you can....
A very moving morning
It's taken me a few hours to really absorb how momentuous last night was. I was so speechless when I turned on the tee-vee at quarter to five this morning that I couldn't properly live-blog.
So yes, I was profoundly moved. But it wasn't about Obama. It was the faces in the enormous crowds, the relief and joy they reflected. Over the past few years, I have come to know some wonderful people there. And have come to respect their determination, understand their frustrations, and admire how hard they worked to help yesterday become reality. And those people are my heros and heroines. Seeing the joy moved me to tears, and they just kept rolling down my face, not crying, just tears of happiness for them.
Even more astounding is the tenor of the European media. 'America has found itself again.' Reflecting a wish to believe in the America they were taught to believe in, the 'good' one. A ton of stones dropped from my heart. A weight I hadn't realised I had been carrying around with me for so long.
I am so proud of, and admire all the wonderful people who made it possible to turn the rudder around. Let us hope that the new direction will be a sensible one that we all want.
Live from Europe...
05:58 Obama on stage in Grant Park, Chicago.
Oh my, he included 'gay and straight' in his definition of Americans.
(oh, it was a lead in to thanking the voters....)
06:11 now he is on fire. Good words to countries abroad, and a threat to those who would threat.
06:16 it is over. He did good.
05:08 Middle European Time
It just became 'official' via the German tee-vee station ZDF, which has been sending live coverage of the election all night, They say Obama has won. The live coverage from Grant Park in Chicago is astounding,' so many people. There are a lot of Americans in the studio in Berlin, and just looking at their faces and seeing the relief brought me to tears. German commentators keep saying 'America has just found itself again'. Which says a lot.
05:18 MEZ McCain concedes. He is doing it with dignity. But giving Palin his blessing..... I'm surprised he isn't choking on his words, and she is smiling dumbly.
We're now waiting for Obama's speech.
Atrios on Eschaton posted this....
Hope it comes true. And for us in Europe, due to the time difference, 'Tomorrow is really only a day away....
Mormons....
This is a bit late, but just ran across it about Proposition 8 in Califonia. Good video. Link in the title....
I always KNEW that George Will is a smug overbearing prick, but...
the link in the title is really obnoxious.
Correcting Donna Brazile's pronunciation.
How smug and demeaning, and impolite, if not downright racist.
Mr. Airhead Blonde Will who can't seem to 'age', (can't wait to see the wrinkles on HDTV, that dummy who believes he is an intellectual) is probably gonna cry tomorrow.
And Mr. Will? I believe you come out of a corner of a country where everyone, ya' know, 'daily people', swallow their syllables and in NH, the exchange 'dja' eat yet?' No jou?' poses a problem for everyone here who thought they learned English. So get off your fucking high horse.
And then there is Sarah Palin, the Cobra, with her folksy 'can'tcha', don'cha 'wink wink' cheerleader style of speaking, and we can disregard the venom, right? Hate to break it to you Georgie, but when I was in grammar school, we got broken of that FAST. One of our teachers went NUTS if we didn't enunciate correctly, and contractions were frowned upon and criticised. And we learned the correct pronunciation of 'who, whom, what, where' and so on. One had to hold a tissue in front of the mouth, and if it sort of blew out, you did it correctly.
It was a grammar school in a very poor part of town. They seemed to try to give children the things they needed to survive in your very superficial world. Your world-view is so opposite, you were probably glad every time the world loses a great deal of people in a catastrophe. Because you think you are elite.....
No, you ghost of a by-gone time. You were rude, obnoxious, egregrious, and offensive to a very smart lady. I could tell you to go to your room and learn some fucking manners. But it is obvious. And now? Hey, you need a translator to understand some of the jargon. That is life and that is what living languages do. They move on. We may not approve, sometimes, but it IS the reality.
And all this leads me to believe that it was a racist thing on your part. Maybe subconscious, but it was, all the same.
You, sir, will never be a gentleman. Not at your age.
And thanks for the ladies at Fire Dog lake for posting that link
Just in time for the election....
I finally got up my nerve to try to connect the notebook to my modem. Especially as I tried to connect to a W-Lan connection and McNewbie keept telling me it wasn't activated, and I couldn't find ANYTHING to 'activate' it. So I screwed up my courage and tried it, armed with the installation disc, and the code that I finally found after two days of looking for it.
Turned out I only had to plug it in, and it went so fast I couldn't believe it. And it didn't ask for my code. Super.
In thirty minutes I downloaded and installed three of my most-used programmes, Firefox, Irfan View and Adaware, activated my antivirus account, and read my mail. Something Lazarus McWheezy would have needed four hours for. If he decided not to strike.
So now I can look at and hear the videos on my favorite sites again, although I will NOT try the link a former colleague sent me last night, with the remark that the Amis weren't so prude in this election. It went to a Hustler magazine page titled, 'Who's Nailin' Palin?' supposedly a satire. Typical Larry Flint.
Na ja, am much relieved..... And it finally installed my favorite game, 'The Patricians' about the rise of the Hansa. You start as a lowly merchant and have to try to get to be mayor. All in the thirteen hundreds. It is interesting, and you get to move a lot of goods and ships around, have to build factories, houses, what-not. That will keep me amused for a while at least....
Now all I have to do is try out the tee-vee card and see what THAT brings me. And figure out some of the funny icons on the upper buttons of the keyboard. But the display and sound are very good, at least....
Huh, hardly two days old, and am frustrated to death.
Vista let me install two of my games, and no more. Then it suddenly changed the color scheme of the screen to 256 colors. Now that is up to XP no real problem. But it took me over two hours to get the screen back to normal, and I had to use the recovery disc to do so.
I cursed a blue streak, believe me.
So far haven't tried to get the internet connection going. I have to find a letter from Tele5 with the code.
The high definition version for dvd's is really nice. Although I never really wanted to see ALL the wrinkles in Judi Dench's face, but her eyes are amazing.
Was putting in my address book data from old wheezey here, and was astounded over how many people are dead in the meanwhile, or whom I do not wish to speak with. Eeeeew...
And there is one feature I like. It will only start if you scan a finger over a sensor, and it recognises your fingerprint.
Na ja, e shall see...
