There are days....

When you stop doing things.

With the additive, 'What's the use, hey...'

I am trying to do something and leave the least amount of hurt behind me.

I don't want people to think that it was because I didn't love them.

I don't want people to feel that I didn't love enough. I did, deeply.

And Someone is gonna say it was cowardly, and some will say it was stupid......

And to them I say: you don't know what you are talking about. Were you ever in a hole so deep and black, with no chance of getting out, you wanted to die?

Because that is where I am, and I have the means to DO it.

I have always made decisions in my life. Am not exactly stupid, but am not a genius. I got where I wanted to go. I did some 'awesome' things, and not so awesome. It was life.

But there comes a time... and you say, 'I'm taking up excess oxygen on the planet.'

I want to say... you have no idea what a black hole' IS.

You know how you go to parties? And it is 'polite' to leave before it is over?

That is how I feel right now, and it is time to leave the party.

It is not ABOUT all the other people. It's about your comfort zone.

I've gotten some scathing mails today. Annti broiled-roasted me. but she does it because she cares.

I had a heartbreaking discussion with a young lady, who was distraught and whom I love.

I cried, about some of it. shedding silent tears.

I don't mean to hurt people. Period.

Y'nkow.... Suicide in austria is sort of a national sport. Believe it, look up the statistics.

And the very one thing I noticed was that people didn't understand why, and it upset them.

So If I want to go... it wasn't because of you.

It is just time to leave, ok, and I get to make the choice.

I just have to make some arrangements, Peter is cared for, my work is done, my days are so empty I could scream.....

So Why hang around?

I just have some ends to tie up.

And what is left of me will be buried in a tiny town north of here. I want that, always have.

I promise to regale you with some funny stories about Peter's family before I go.

And when I do... I want you to throw the most awesome party ever given.