Fuckin' ey....

Was up half the night writing e-mails to people who are in trouble and offering whatever paltry help I can give them....

(Yes it is Advent, but I do it all year round, because that is how I was brought up.)

Peter called me at seven. Said he was gonna go back and sleep a while. And I said, 'So am I'. Sounded ok, as usual....

And then he just woke me up again. It was like speaking with Joanne Woodward in 'The Three Faces of Eve'. Confused. Whining. Said he had fallen out of bed 'last night', and his bum hurt. It was fucking terrifying.
I feel so spent of energy, all there is is emptiness inside at the moment.

I am not a complainer, and I knew this day was coming since my birthday. And what makes me into a vertiable Rumpelstilskin is... I have no 'authoritay' to get his sore arse into a hospital where it belongs. It isn't as if I wish it, but he belonged there weeks ago.

Except I have no say....

Y'know.... I keep reading all this 'stuff' about 'marriage', and gay rights, and gawwd knows what, and that is fine and good.... for me at least. People are out there and fighting, and that is good to know if you grew up being made to feel 'different', and alone, and put down.

But it isn't going to HAPPEN.

Not in my life-time, and I would like to bitch-slap some folks and tell them to fucking grow up, get a life, and not be so bored they bother with what YOU do.

At the moment, I am so fucking frustrated, am about to rip myself into two pieces.

So I will go down there and hope, really hope, that he will be so badly off I can call 144. The Waaahmbulance. That is the only hope I have at the moment. And the only right.

Think about that the next time this 'stuff' comes up on your voting list.

And to reiterate... I have NEVER wanted to be gay-married.

But when it comes to life decisions, and you have been with someone over three decades, you should have a say.

And make some good decisions.

gawwd knows I have tried to do that....

Within what the existing laws permitted me to do.

And if he was cogent enough to comply...

Now??? I'm between a rock and a very hard place, as they say here.

After all the drama regarding my father and family.... yeah, I really, really NEED this.

But taking a lesson... my father never has complained about anything, so I should shut my mouf, and just go on.

If it is bad, it can really bad. If it is good.... you can share... Got it? Tja----