I just do not know....

Oh yeah, we want to keep up the fucking good cheer because, hey, it is the horriday season.

Y'know... 'fambly'... cosy wonderful feelings and KKKristian beliefs, and people telling you one thing to your face, and then edging the knife in if you hug them.

Advent!!!! How 'acceptable', how wonderful.... Y'know... people never seem to accept anybody really... (this is not an attack, btw). They made that one clear to me when I was five years old, and a very evil great Aunt of mine said, 'Dick, he runs like a girll! It was the first time I was made to be self-conscious of myself, and monitor every move I made. Yeah.... family...acceptance.

They just do not. You can stand on your head in your clown suit and juggle at the same time, but if it isn't the right mix.... they'll knock you over.

Fambly... you depend on them to keep you up to date, and if there is trouble, and you are far away, you call... that is how I was brought up. And you offer your moral support, and let them know you care....

I have always done that, always, even if I didn't have hardly two dimes to rub together. Because that is what you do, and that is what 'fambly' is.... You offer support, even if it is only on the phone if you are far away....

Except I am stupid. Truly, actually, I am stupid.... no one, NO ONE, has ever called ME.

It sort of reminds me of my beloved step-mother Lillian getting irritated with me and yelling, 'Just because you go to college, don't think you're smart! And in many ways... she was right.

When your family doesn't respond when YOU get hurt....

It fucking hurts so bad it is like getting knifed in the stomach.

I truly do not understand what the problem is. I do not. Because I am who I am? It has never made sense to me.

But for people to deprive me of contact, and to speak with my father, and not tell me where he is...

Is cruel, unjust, and unconsciounable.